Being wrong

I don't feel wrong

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[Mona:] Hello, dear Mikael. I'm glad you're here and that we're having this conversation. And, as always, I'm allowed to choose the topic, and I'd like us to talk about being wrong. You recently sent your annual postcard, and it was about being wrong and being true to yourself, and that this often feels wrong.

And I think I have felt wrong in different ways throughout my life for a very long time. I realize that there is something to this topic, that it is important, and I would like to delve deeper into it. What is this wrongness, wrong in relation to what? How did the annual postcard come about in the first place? Somehow it means something to you, and I think it's essential.

[Dhyan Mikael:] It's a great topic. Thank you very much. I really, really enjoy being surprised by you, and this really is a topic that has a lot to offer. As you just mentioned, I sent this postcard two weeks ago to all the people who support me financially with my videos, and I got some feedback. And some of it said: "I couldn't really relate with that quote – at first." I don't know... Maybe I should say the quote briefly so that the listeners know it as well.

[Mona:] I've got it here. I can read it out. "Whenever you are true to yourself, it feels wrong. For that you have to be willing: to be wrong."

[Dhyan Mikael:] Yes, exactly. And the feedback I got from some people was that they read this quote and thought at first: "I can't relate to that. It doesn't apply to me at all." And then, the next day, they wrote to me: "It's all completely different. One day later, I realized what you meant."

We actually feel quite normal in our everyday lives and have no idea what's dormant inside us, and then a situation comes around the corner, usually from our partner or colleagues or someone close to us, and suddenly we feel so wrong. And this thing I talk about in every video, this being true to yourself, it sounds so simple – and it is – and it sounds so natural. But this quote on the card reflects my very own experience: if I am true to myself, I have to be prepared to feel wrong, because that comes automatically.

[Mona:] Yes, and that can reach even greater dimensions. So, for me, and I know it from many other people too, it was like having the feeling of having landed on the wrong planet: being fundamentally wrong here. Which of course has something to do with the collective, and like I said, I felt wrong in my life for a long time. I realized somewhere that there was something wrong, and yet that was the example everyone was setting for me.

So, I tried to somehow come to terms with it in my own way, with always feeling wrong. When I followed the collective, I felt wrong because something inside me didn't quite agree, and when I followed myself, I also felt wrong because the other people saw it differently, wanted me differently. So, it was basically a disaster, that's why... when the postcard arrived, it said a lot to me.

The root of being wrong

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[Dhyan Mikael:] I'm glad. This wrongness is an age-old topic. When a person begins to discover how wrong they sometimes feel, they first look for the cause in their immediate life. One thinks that maybe I have the wrong partner, that he doesn't like me, or that my friends have a problem with me. And at some point, you realize that it's not that. As soon as you start to take a closer look, you discover that you feel wrong in all kinds of situations, with all kinds of people.

And then one think there's something wrong with me, there's something wrong with my psyche, I've got some kind of problem, I've got some kind of hang-up, otherwise I wouldn't feel wrong. But if you read these old scriptures, no matter what religion, but what Jesus said is particularly productive, in the Bible. That's what it's all about in these ancient writings of mankind: the story of the black sheep from the Bible.

As soon as you start to go your own way – this is the black sheep –, you are wrong.

And not just in the eyes of others, but also in your own eyes.

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It says: As soon as you start to go your own way – this is the black sheep –, you are wrong. And not just in the eyes of others, but also in your own eyes. In fact, what others think about me is completely irrelevant as long as I don't also believe that. But these judgments that we perceive from others about ourselves only have such a devastating effect on us because we ourselves think the same thing about ourselves: that we are wrong.

These judgments that we perceive from others about ourselves only have such a devastating effect on us because we ourselves think the same thing about ourselves:

that we are wrong.

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[Mona:] Yes, and the problem is, at least that's how I experienced it, that we are corrected somewhere from childhood onwards in such a way that we are inwardly insecure. So, I didn't trust my own perception there. Ultimately, I trusted the perception of others and the outside world, when the whole world saw it that way, of course I trusted it more.

And children in particular are also dependent on their parents, what they say, and as a child you have the confidence to follow them; that they already know that. And that's when I felt so insecure that I trusted the environment and the world somewhere more than myself.

[Dhyan Mikael:] Yes. You then start to take a closer look, and then of course you see how your childhood went and what you experienced as a child and how your parents treated you, of course without any ill intent and also out of complete ignorance, and of course that shapes us. And you can then start to work with it and somehow get over it, but I learned something very interesting from my Master that goes against everything that normal people do.

Normally, as I said in this video, we first want to know where it comes from. Why do I feel like this? Who is to blame? And so on and so forth... But there is another way: as soon as I feel wrong, not to ask myself why I feel this way, where it comes from, who the trigger is, or what the trigger is, but simply to accept and feel this feeling wrong. In other words, to be willing to be wrong.

That's really interesting. As soon as you are ready to be wrong in your own eyes, the question of where it comes from no longer arises. It's like walking in the opposite direction. I no longer run away from being wrong. I recognize: "Okay, obviously I'm wrong. I say 'yes' to that now." And then the head naturally says: "Yes, but that's not true at all.

You're not really wrong at all." But it's of no use. I feel wrong. In my inner reality, I am a black sheep and always will be. That won't go away. But as soon as I make friends with this feeling and this certainty, with this 'fact' – even if it's not true, but with this fact that I feel: I'm wrong... If I make friends with it, then everything changes.

As soon as I make friends with this feeling and this certainty, with this 'fact' – even if it's not true, but with this fact that I feel: I'm wrong...

If I make friends with it, everything changes.

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[Mona:] Yes, that's how it is.

[Dhyan Mikael:] Of course I learned this from my Master back then, from Soham. I came to him, and one of the first things he taught me twenty-four years ago was this. Soham said to me then: Mikael, when you're willing to be wrong, then you're free. And that's really something. I remember I had a conversation once... It would actually have been an argument if I hadn't known that.

Soham said to me then:

when you're willing to be wrong, then you're free.

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I think it was my partner, or a close friend... Someone close to me reproached me for being impossible and stuff. And I felt this wrongness and inwardly said 'yes' to it, and then I just said to him: "Yes, you're right. Yes, I am like that." And the whole problem was gone, simply because I was willing to be the way I feel. And that changed everything. That really changed my life completely: this willingness to be wrong. To not think about whether it's true that I'm actually wrong, or where it comes from, but to just forget all that – I feel like this: 'yes'.

That changed my life completely: this willingness to be wrong. To not think about whether it's true that I'm wrong, or where it comes from, but to just forget all that – I feel like this: 'yes'.

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[Mona:] It was similar for me. But I didn't call it being wrong. I called it being different: being different. And I accepted that, initially even with a certain defiance: I like being different. But it wasn't true inside. There was no peace yet. But at some point, I came to peace, and I found it beautiful. And with increasing closeness to other people, a closeness where you meet underneath the façade, I realized that many people feel the same way.

The problem at the beginning is that when you feel wrong or different, you think it's only you and everyone else feels wonderful the way they are. The fact that we are all affected by this, that we are all conditioned somewhere and were forced to abandon ourselves a little early on and all suffer from the same thing, is not even known at the beginning.

[Dhyan Mikael:] And most people don't even talk about it. They don't talk about it that they feel wrong. They argue: "Why are you saying that about me? That's not true at all", instead of saying: "Hey, you're probably right, I really do feel wrong."

[Mona:] Yes, and this feeling of being wrong... for me a lot of it is also precisely because I feel wrong and suffer from it and perhaps also justify it... Very strange developments have emerged from this. And when I accepted it, as you described, that's when that stopped. Some of these strange things simply stopped, they were no longer necessary.

Only black sheep find enlightenment

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[Dhyan Mikael:] Yes. Then you can suddenly let the other person have their opinion of me – oh well, okay, they just think I'm wrong – because I no longer have a problem feeling that way. And I just said: that doesn't go away. For me, it's almost as if it's part of being human. Being human and being wrong seem to go together. Of course, I now know that I'm not wrong. I know that. I now know who I really am or what I really am and that there is no wrong. But none of that helps.

As a human being, this body, this psyche, this brain feels wrong again and again... Only now, in the last few days and weeks, has it become really intense again. And when I say 'making friends with it', it's not just dealing with such an immediate situation, but arriving at myself, finding enlightenment, to use this word, simply because people might be looking for the word, discovering myself, requires that I accept myself as I am. And that includes this wrongness.

Arriving at myself, finding enlightenment, discovering myself, requires that I accept myself as I am.

And that includes this wrongness.

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You can't get there, you can't start loving yourself if you're not willing to be the black sheep – in everyone else's eyes and in your own eyes.

You can't start loving yourself if you're not willing to be the black sheep – in everyone else's eyes and in your own eyes.

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[Mona:] Yes, and for me it definitely felt like dying at times, because all the affiliations fell away and also really... I had the impression that I was going crazy or something, because everything was going crazy, the whole orientation was changing. And what I felt was that there were so many layers in me that wanted to be redeemed, which also prevented me from really feeling myself. I somehow sensed that it was different from my surroundings, but I still didn't really feel what I actually am, what my essence is or what I want to live here.

And the more I could redeem these layers that had accumulated in my life, the more I was able to release them, the more and more I came into my depths, and it doesn't feel wrong there at all. Everything is fine there and there is also a certainty: this is what I am here to live. I am not here to lead a standardized life or to make my partner happy, but I am here precisely to manifest this divine expression or that which comes from the source, from the depths, that I am here in its uniqueness, which everyone carries within them. And you have to be ready for that: to stand by this uniqueness.

Partnership becomes easier

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[Dhyan Mikael:] Yes, being uniquely wrong. And by the way, it makes partnership much easier. If I don't make an effort to be good, to make my partner happy, but instead make peace with my own wrongness, then I don't react so harshly to what comes from my partner. Of course, he pushes my buttons all the time, whether he wants to or not, or whether she wants to or not. That's just the way it is in a partnership. But if I make peace with this wrongness inside of me, again and again, again and again, then these buttons are defused.

My partner will still push my buttons, but it's no longer a problem for me because I already know: "Yes, now I feel wrong again." And then, intimacy is possible: because then you're not constantly busy explaining things to each other and dealing with each other and all this complicated stuff that comes up so quickly between partners simply disappears. It's really magical. And all because I start to be willing to be wrong.

[Mona:] Yes, and I would say that this willingness to be wrong is a phase. And also in the partnership, when both have this willingness and this closeness is increasingly possible, and this recognition that you actually have a certain difference in depth, but they are also very similar in depth and that you can meet at an ever greater depth, then this is borne of love, and at some point, this feeling of being wrong ceases.

Then, one does it this way and the other does it that way. That is really beside the point. So, somewhere along the line, this meaning of being wrong, which had an almost existential significance in my life for a long time, stops.

Ever more sensitive and wrong

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[Dhyan Mikael:] It's different for me.

[Mona:] Ah, okay.

[Dhyan Mikael:] I haven't reached the point in this life where it stops, and the people I know who are my role models, my Master for example, it hasn't stopped with them either. And I think it's similar with my Guru, Swamiji, although I can't say that for sure. But when I read his autobiography and when I listen to him, I also see indications that it's not over for him either.

For me, it's like this: I make friends with my feelings, and one of the dominant feelings is this wrongness as a person, for whatever reason. And I get closer to myself. I find more peace. I become quieter within myself. And with this being more at peace, with this being quieter, I become more sensitive, and I start to feel wrong on a much more subtle level, a much finer level. And all the feelings that I have as a human are all still there, but quieter, finer.

But because I have become more sensitive, more permeable and more receptive, I perceive them very strongly again. And then I accept it, and then I come even closer to myself. I sink even deeper into my existence. And that makes me even more sensitive. I become even more open. I become even more aware of what is here. And then I discover new layers of this pain. And there are always phases like this, when I don't feel wrong at all, but I can be sure that it will come back.

I get closer to myself. I find more peace. I become quieter within myself.

And with this being more at peace, with this being quieter, I become more sensitive, and I start to feel wrong on a much more subtle level, a much finer level.

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The expulsion from paradise

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And that's what my Master taught me too. He said: Don't expect anything to be over. If you think anything is over, you'll be surprised. It all comes back. In my personal experience, that's true. And by now, I believe that this never ends. I said earlier that it's almost as if this feeling of being wrong is part of being human. There's another story in the Bible that refers to this. I think we've even talked about it before in one of our beautiful videos.

The beginning of humanity – in the Bible it's the story of Paradise and how Adam and Eve were thrown out of paradise. And if you read this story carefully, that's exactly what it says. Adam and Eve – this is humanity; Adam and Eve were not two people who did something right or wrong, but they stand for humanity at a certain stage of development. The human race lived in paradise, but they didn't know about it, and one day – not a specific day, but gradually –, people became more self-aware.

There came a point when man as a being began to be so highly developed in his ability to perceive that he began to be aware of himself. And that's when all the problems started. That was the moment when God said to Adam: "Okay, now you're..." It's like when parents talk to their children when they reach puberty and are constantly thinking about sex. God has noticed that man is now becoming aware of himself and then God said to the children, to Adam and Eve: "Listen, you are now at a stage where you have to be careful.

And that's what my Master taught me:

Don't expect anything to be over. If you think anything is over, you'll be surprised. It all comes back.

In my personal experience, that's true.

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Because if you now use this new ability that you have to judge yourselves, good or bad"... This is the apple on the tree: the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. This ability was given to man when he became self-aware, and God says: "Do not eat this apple." This translates as: "You are able to judge things now. You could now think with your mental ability that this is good and that is bad, but if you do that, then you are no longer in paradise." It's not that God punished humans.

It's more like a psychological effect. And of course, people couldn't stop doing that. We got a brain and a body that became more and more capable, and we got this ability in the process, and of course we tried it out, and we've been in hell ever since – because we have been judging ourselves ever since. And that's what the Bible says so beautifully in this story. Man began to evaluate himself and the world, looked down at himself and said: "I am wrong."

The Bible says: Adam said... Suddenly God could no longer find Adam, and God said: "Adam, why are you hiding?" And Adam said to God: "Because I am naked." So, Adam basically said: "I'm ashamed, there's something wrong with me, I'm wrong, I can't show myself to you like this." And God was completely stunned, because of course God didn't find anything wrong with people at all, it was just humans themselves.

There came a point when man as a being began to be so highly developed in his ability to perceive that he began to be aware of himself.

And that's when all the problems started.

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The way back to paradise

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And that's when we started, simply because we have the ability, to judge ourselves and everyone else. That is: our human ability to perceive myself implies or entails, inevitably – even without parents not treating me well... -, inevitably brings with it that I will judge myself somewhere. And that's why I said earlier: This is part of human existence. And we are now at a point where it is possible for humans to awaken, to discover their own soul and to grow out of this again.

And that's why it's so important not to ask yourself where it comes from, but to come to terms with how I feel, because I am such a highly developed being... If I make friends with all these feelings that I have in relation to myself, then I can gradually make peace with them, and then the judging stops. This is what God suggested to us ten thousand, twenty thousand, thirty thousand years ago: "don't judge", that's what we learn. But we cannot learn this mentally.

We can't say: I won't judge from today onwards; unfortunately, that doesn't work. We do that by accepting everything, by saying 'yes' to everything, especially to the things that are inside me, that I feel about myself. And then, then you defuse this mechanism. And that's the only way. That's what's called Original Sin. Sin is a word for 'error'. There is nothing moral about it. And through it we correct this age-old error that we've had since we can remember.

Our human ability to perceive myself inevitably brings with it that I will judge myself. This is part of human existence.

And we are now at a point where it is possible for humans to awaken, to discover their own soul and to grow out of this.

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[Mona:] Yes, and that's where I've reached such a deep level... There is the certainty that I am not wrong at all, that no one is wrong. Of course, there are still situations in my life where something triggers me, where this old pain comes up, but it's put into perspective. It's no longer as existential as I said it was. It used to be very existential and that was very unpleasant. The existential is now the other level.

For me, that is the level of truth, and there are of course layers on the surface where I also see a certain judgment in me: I could do better, or, it would be nicer if it were different. But it doesn't have any great significance. It's actually this certainty. And when I listened to you, I also felt this sacral wound that we all carry within us, this belief that we are separate from God, which we are not.

How could we, as born out of the Divine, how could we be wrong? Well, that is almost a ludicrous idea. Even my mind understands that. It's just that, if it has naturally been our feeling for thousands of years and is imprinted in the deepest cell layers, then it doesn't help if the mind says you're not wrong. It actually wants to be experienced somewhere.

Perhaps I benefit from this: when my husband died, I experienced, when the individual layers fell away, and when he arrived at this deepest level, and he had his quirks just like the other person. But in the deepest place, that's what I realized that there's nothing wrong, there's this deep connection, and we can live from it and die pure by gradually redeeming everything else.

The closer to God, the better taking care of oneself

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[Dhyan Mikael:] I find this kind of magical. As long as I am completely, truly willing to say 'yes' to everything I feel – as an imperfect human being –,... I'm not imperfect at all, but I feel this way and I think this way... And if I'm willing to say 'yes' to all that, to all those difficult feelings, then it's like you describe. Then there is no problem. Then there is peace, and then, you are Divine.

I find this kind of magical. As long as I am truly willing to say 'yes' to everything I feel – as an imperfect human being –, there is no problem.

Then there is peace, and then, you are Divine.

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But then, the old slowly reappears. You forget this readiness, and you notice that at some point, when you get the buttons pushed again, and then you feel like this. And then, that is the reminder: "Ah, say yes!" And then you say 'yes' again, and then the problem is gone again, and then the Divine is there again. So, it's a constant reminder. As soon as you realize: "I'm no longer in paradise, I'm no longer relaxed, I feel under pressure, I feel wrong", that's the reminder for me: "Ah, say 'yes', let go!" I've had an interesting time. I already hinted at that earlier.

I think four weeks ago, when we last spoke, I had already told you that I was doing a lot slower than before because I realized that I would otherwise overextend myself, that I had to take care of myself. And then I actually thought that I was slowly getting the hang of it now. But it wasn't true, quite the opposite. It feels like I haven't done anything at all during the last four weeks. That's not true, of course. Of course I was busy every day, all the time, as always, but I really said 'yes' every day to being wrong, to being inadequate. I knew exactly what to do.

Like I said, I'm busy all day every day, but the head thinks, "Ah I should do this", but it's very clear: I can't do that. I can't. I have to take care of this and this and that now. And then I just feel wrong. I had to start being even slower. I started to say 'yes', again, and I had to smile because when I sent this annual postcard... I designed it a few months ago, it's not new, but I sent it out a few weeks ago. And when I sent it, it was perfect for myself. It was just right for me, even though, as I said, it's actually been ready for a few months.

And I started to meditate even more through this reminder, through this wrong feeling – although it's all just my own head. I've now started to meditate also every evening, not just in the morning, and that takes me even deeper now. You know, I said earlier: One learns to be at peace with things. That brings one closer to oneself and one becomes more sensitive. And that is the key to reaching God: this sensitivity. But this makes me even more sensitive, and I feel more, and I have to take even more care of myself, and I have to say 'yes' even more.

One learns to be at peace with things. That brings one closer to oneself and one becomes more sensitive. And that is the key to reaching God: this sensitivity.

But this makes me even more sensitive, I feel more, have to take even more care of myself, and to say 'yes' even more.

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This brings me even closer to myself and makes me even more sensitive. And now I have to learn anew to take even better care of this sensitive soul and say 'yes' even more, to pay even more attention to myself. And this cycle goes on forever. And it seems to me that this is exactly what I have experienced in the last two or three months. I've learned and experienced so much in this one year that I'm now making these videos, and I can say I'm happier than ever, I'm closer to myself than ever, but I've also had to learn to deal with this ever-increasing sensitivity in a new way.

And you always have to learn that anew. I've noticed that my videos are getting deeper and deeper, better and better, so somehow something is happening, but I also have to take more care of myself. That's why I just said: I've now, quite spontaneously, simply out of a desire, started meditating in the evenings too, because once a day in the morning wasn't enough for me to take care of myself. Do you know what I mean? At this new level of sensitivity, which you then slip to, new things are suddenly necessary, otherwise you can't stand it.

[Mona:] That's the way it is, that's the way it is, what you're talking about is so important.

[Dhyan Mikael:] And I've started now... Out of this suffering, out of this saying 'yes' to this new experience of these old feelings, I started now... I don't know, I think it started two weeks ago... Now I walk, not every day, but it's getting more and more, almost every day, for an hour and a half in the forest. Just like that. Such a blessing. And now I'm slowly coming back to myself.

But it's not as if one still has a problem with these old feelings, you know, along the lines of: "Why haven't I learned this yet?" That's why I'm describing this spiral. We get closer to ourselves, we get closer to God – because we become more sensitive. And that's why we then feel more and more, and we have to get better and better at being good to ourselves. And I'm experiencing that so much right now. It's great, and it's simply wonderful to experience.

We get closer to ourselves, we get closer to God – because we become more sensitive.

And that's why we then feel more and more, and we have to get better and better at being good to ourselves.

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[Mona:] It's the same for me. I realize that my soul was moving at a completely different pace than the one I was. So, it slows down. The movements become gentler, just like I felt in your gestures. Yes, and this no longer feels like being wrong to me, but actually: I'm getting closer to God. And I also realize how driven I was, how driven we were, what I sometimes did to my body and because now the sensitive stories can also be felt physically. I think that's crazy what I used to do. That's not possible.

But I realize, just like you say: things are still being done. We don't have to do things to the extent that we do in society, like I used to do, which didn't make me happy. This slowness, this becoming more and more refined, coming closer and closer to God, arriving more and more within ourselves, that is the quality; that is Heaven; that is paradise; that is what we desire. So, yes, I am also learning anew. It's getting slower, I sometimes feel the need to just try a very gentle gesture.

I realize I want to move differently; my piano playing is becoming different. I don't want to play it like I used to anymore. I want to go deeper into it, I want to be more connected. My jogging will be different, everything will be different. That's new. But then it feels right. And I sometimes have the impression that I feel like a child learning to walk. Everything is being explored anew and is beginning to take on a new quality in my life.

Feelings – the built-in wisdom path

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[Dhyan Mikael:] And the topic of the video is being wrong, and it's important to me to change the way we look at this being wrong. At the beginning you think that's the problem: that I feel wrong. But then, when you get to a point where I am right now, you realize that this is actually the help.

I start to feel emotions that are difficult for me, and that's the sign: "Mikael, stop, look at it, make peace with it." That's the help, so that I get even closer to myself, say 'yes' even more to myself, take even more care of myself. And once you have experienced this for a few years or a few decades, then you know that these inner states, these feelings, these sensitivities are all a help.

They are guides, so to speak, that point me inwards: "Ah, I feel wrong again. Okay, yes, okay, yes." And from this comes new maturity, new sensitivity, new strength. In reality, you become stronger and stronger – you have to, because otherwise you won't become more sensitive, otherwise you wouldn't be able to stand it. In other words, it's not at all about leaving these feelings behind.

It's about saying 'yes' more and more to what is here when it is there. And when I then say 'yes' to it, then, this teaches me the new lesson that I don't need to understand, it all happens automatically. I then simply learn to be closer to myself and take better care of myself. It all happens automatically, simply by saying 'yes' to the feelings that come to me now. This is an automatic path of wisdom, so to speak: simply by saying 'yes'.

It's not at all about leaving these feelings behind. It's about saying 'yes' more and more to what is here. And then, I learn to be closer to myself and take better care of myself.

This is an automatic path of wisdom, so to speak: simply by saying 'yes'.

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And I like to repeat that, because we have a very deeply inbuilt way of looking at these feelings and at what I'm experiencing as problem: "Ah, I feel wrong again." But if I say 'yes' to it, then it's a gift; then it brings me even closer to myself. That's why it's not at all about getting to a point in life where you don't have that anymore. It's just about saying 'yes' more and more; becoming more and more open.

I like to repeat that, because we have a deeply inbuilt way of looking at these feelings and at what I'm experiencing as problem: "Ah, I feel wrong again."

But if I say 'yes' to it, then it's a gift; then it brings me even closer to myself.

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And if I can become more open to the feeling I have today, then I will become more open. And that means that new things will come tomorrow that I wasn't open to yesterday. This learning goes on and on. And, in my personal experience, it doesn't make me feel any wiser or more arrived, because the more sensitive and open I become, the more new things come my way. That means I always have something to do.

It's never the case that at some point you've done everything and just sit there and happily enjoy to yourself. But something, that's what you keep referring to, something changes around it, as if in this experience, the dynamics of which don't really change, you are noticeably sinking deeper and deeper, getting further and further, bigger and bigger, more and more independent.

This learning goes on and on. And, in my personal experience, it doesn't make me feel any wiser or more arrived, because the more sensitive and open I become, the more new things come my way.

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If I say today: 'I feel wrong', then that is a completely different experience than ten years ago or twenty. Now I'm big and calm and totally at peace inside, and I feel totally wrong – but there's no problem at all. There's a giant who feels wrong. And ten, twenty years ago... that was a completely different experience. But sometimes, one notices that, in passing.

If I say today: 'I feel wrong', then that is a completely different experience than ten years ago or twenty. Now I'm big and calm and totally at peace inside, and I feel totally wrong – but there's no problem at all.

There's a giant who feels wrong.

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[Mona:] Yes, and you could also say that this feeling of being wrong is just information. You can sense that there is still a disharmony, that I am not yet fully in harmony with myself. And that helps me to get into this harmony that I also sense in you. That brings us to the word that appeared in your postcard: being true to yourself. In the beginning, we don't even know: who or what should we be true to?

And the way I hear it from you, and it was the same for me: we are led to have this trust in what we feel, in the information that is there. And also, not to analyze so much, but to be guided. In other words, we follow it: where is the joy, where is the lightness, where does it feel good, where is it not so good? So, somehow, it shows itself to us.

Openness is always open to everything

Link to topic in video at 44m46s

[Dhyan Mikael:] Yes, and many people can't understand it at all: Why can't I just be true to myself? Why do I then also have to feel wrong? Why? But once you start to ask yourself: what does that even mean – to be true to myself, to perceive yourself; to perceive where your own energy, your own joy wants to go... one can feel that; everyone has this compass. But if I open myself up to these inner feelings such as my joy or my energy, if I open myself up to them, because I want to listen to them, then I am open – to other things too.

Many people can't understand it: Why can't I just be true to myself? Why do I also have to feel wrong?

But if I open myself up to these inner feelings such as my joy or my energy, then I am open – to other things too.

Link to quote in video at 44m46s

I can't just be open to one thing but not the other. It doesn't work in here. That is, when I want to be true to myself, when I start to ask myself, what do I even want? When I become quiet and listen to myself, to realize: yes, what do I want at all? Where am I even going... then I feel the other things too. In other words, only when I say 'yes' to everything I feel can I also feel what leads me. I can't want to feel one thing and not the other. That doesn't work.

Only when I say 'yes' to everything I feel can I also feel what leads me.

I can't want to feel one thing and not the other. That doesn't work.

Link to quote in video at 46m04s

[Mona:] Yes, and that can also create a certain inconsistency within ourselves at the beginning. So, for me, I felt that I wanted to be slower. But then the mind said: it should go faster, otherwise we wouldn't be finished in time... something like that. And then to feel: where is the deeper feeling and what do I want?

And that's stupid what the mind is telling me. Of course we are finished in time. But to recognize that there are still old layers programmed in us in an old way, which then also suggest to us that there is a problem, or... Our body is such that it reacts to the same with the reward system and to changes partly with fears.

So, to really trust this and also to feel out the qualities of the layers where the information is coming from and to really be ready to take this new step and also this... I then had the feeling that I wanted to slow down, but it wasn't so specific as: this is how it should be and this is how it should be, but simply to follow it; to follow this deep wisdom.

When God speaks, the ego feels wrong

Link to topic in video at 47m47s

[Dhyan Mikael:] The funny thing is that this inner compass only ever shows me the next step, and I have to be ready for that. When we spoke four weeks ago... back then I said that I had already been slowing down for a few weeks and that I would soon be back on track. This was based on my ego's assumption that I should make lots of videos, and since I had been able to make quite a few in the previous months, I thought: this should continue now. That's what the mind grabbed and made an idea out of it: "Ah, now I know how to continue."

But then came the point where something completely different happened for me. My soul wanted to hit the brakes. It said: "Videos are good and fine, but for the videos to continue the way God wants them to, you have to take care of a few other things first." And of course I had no choice. I had to do that. I then had to start taking care of these other things; all kinds of things, you know: technical stuff, correspondence with people, work, but especially taking care of Mikael, giving Mikael more time and not stressing Mikael, but on the contrary, giving him more rest.

And that felt totally wrong, even though I knew exactly where I was going. And that's the funny thing about it: you can feel exactly where it's going, and you still feel wrong. I knew exactly who was speaking to me: my soul, God; but the ego, the mind, this body, felt completely wrong, and you're helpless. You have to say 'yes' to it. That is, in order to follow my soul, to follow God, I have to be willing to feel completely wrong, even though I know exactly that everything is fine. I find that really funny.

In order to follow my soul, to follow God, I have to be willing to feel completely wrong, even though I know exactly that everything is fine.

I find that really funny.

Link to quote in video at 49m52s

[Mona:] Yes, it is funny. And then, over time, you realize how good the soul and God is with us, that there is love. What we have partly enslaved ourselves and done to ourselves just because we had some crazy ideas. There is so much love in these hints, as you say: take care of Mikael, take care of Mona, it's exactly the same.

It means so well for us, and there is no need at all for this driven madness that we generally live here. And we can see that people are also getting sicker and sicker. And so, yes, the divine life is completely different. It is beautiful, it is joyful, but it has its time for everything. It has its own rhythm and is always enough, as everything is already here in abundance. So, it's completely new territory we're entering.

[Dhyan Mikael:] I get into trouble as soon as I think I know what to do next – and I like to think that. I have a very creative mind. That's a good thing; it serves me very well. All these videos and all the technology around them, I do everything myself, the website and everything that goes with it... That means it's good that I have such a creative mind.

But then, it also thinks about things that don't concern it at all, where it has no business, and then it thinks: this is how it's going to be now. But if it then doesn't go on like that, and it never goes on like my head thinks it will, then my head thinks it has a problem. And that means: if I really want to live in the moment, in the now, if I really want to be true to this inner guidance, then I always have to be prepared to not know where things are going now, and always look anew.

And that's a big learning for me: always not knowing, always letting go. I mean, we have this head that develops its ideas. That's just the way it is. And to keep letting go; to keep not believing this; to keep feeling wrong when you have to, and to keep being surprised: "Where are we going now? What's next now?" Well, this is a great learning.

If I really want to live in the moment, in the now, if I really want to be true to this inner guidance, then I always have to be prepared to not know where things are going now, and always look anew.

And that's a big learning for me: always not knowing, always letting go.

Link to quote in video at 51m53s

[Mona:] Yes, it's adventurous. It's a bit like your postcard: like going this path which one doesn't know yet. And it's wonderful at the same time. So, it's a completely different world compared to this world, which is determined by the mind. So, it's the most beautiful journey of discovery there is.

[Dhyan Mikael:] I've been with my Master Soham for twenty-four years. He was already living like this back then. When I came to him twenty-four years ago, he always took every step like this. And I learned it from him, and very soon I started to live like that too. And I can say the following from my own experience: it was always perfect; always – without exception.

I always thought there was a problem. And there never was a problem. And that's something everyone has to discover for themselves. We talk about this here to encourage those who are beginning to feel their inner compass: "Yes, this is the right path", but also to tell them: "Yes, you feel wrong, that's part of it too." Hence the title of this video.

I can say the following from my own experience: it was always perfect; always – without exception.

I always thought there was a problem. And there never was a problem.

And that's something everyone has to discover for themselves.

Link to quote in video at 53m27s

But everyone has to discover for themselves that this really is a good path. This risk of being true to yourself even though you think you're wrong – everyone has to take that risk for themselves, again and again. And then you know what I am talking about and what you're talking about. But everyone has to earn this knowledge for themselves.

This risk of being true to yourself even though you think you're wrong – everyone has to take that risk for themselves, again and again.

And then you know what I am talking about. But everyone has to earn this knowledge for themselves.

Link to quote in video at 54m19s

[Mona:] And what I also felt when you spoke: this connection with the source, with the depth, with what we are... That's where being whole is. So, for me, that also means a healing process on this path. The stress goes away, this calm flow with yourself... this brokenness becomes less. And it really is like this: we are whole in the depths. A lot may have happened in our lives, and that was the case for me too, and it may also be that, depending on where a person is, there is no certainty that they will now be completely healthy, if some things have become very chronic.

But it is still a deeply healing path, and we sometimes have such crazy ideas about what our life should be like, what we should be able to do, whether we should be able to travel or this or that. But when we reach this depth, we can also experience salvation and happiness in life with certain impairments that may be there, which is then possible. So, all these ideas of the mind can gradually be freed.

A happiness independent of this world

Link to topic in video at 56m01s

[Dhyan Mikael:] Well – I absolutely have to say something about that. We have this idea that this salvation has something to do with practical life and with this body. That is not the case. It is my experience that this healing is inner healing. And I express it like this for myself: The more I can come to peace within myself and accept all these things that come to me and say 'yes', the more I enable my body to become as healthy as it can be. I don't know what that means. But then that doesn't matter.

I mean, this body is sixty years old, it's been weird and very, very stiff and very sensitive all its life. It will never be completely healthy, you know, but that's not the point. I'm at peace with it. Jesus took it to the extreme. His body really had a problem. Nails through the hands and through the feet, on a cross: and he comes back to peace. That is the message of Jesus.

It doesn't mean that every one of us has to be nailed to the cross, but the message is: When you find the treasure within, you are free, and you are independent of this unpredictable world. Your happiness, your closeness to God, your inner health has become independent of it. And that's something people don't want to know about. The mind can't imagine it. You have to experience it for yourself.

I once experienced a woman... We came to a town for many, many years, and whenever there was Satsang in this town, this woman came. She was in a wheelchair. She was completely paralyzed. I don't know... when she was a young girl, when she was thirty or something, she had a stroke, I think, and from the neck downwards she was completely paralyzed. She was the happiest in the whole Satsang room. When she started laughing... she could be so happy!

She could be so happy about Satsang and about Soham, because she knew what was important. And her body was sicker and more incapable than all the other bodies put together, without any hope that it would ever change. But that's not the point at all. But that's something you can't imagine. You discover it yourself, bit by bit. You can't talk about it. And that is also the great misunderstanding that Christians have about Jesus: "My God, then why was he nailed to the cross?" They don't understand the message.

When you find the treasure within, you are free, and you are independent of this unpredictable world. Your happiness, your closeness to God, your inner health has become independent of it.

And that's something people don't want to know about. The mind can't imagine it. You have to experience it for yourself.

Link to quote in video at 57m37s

[Mona:] Yes, and this wrongheadedness, for me it was for a while on this path that I actually felt like I was hanging on the cross. But that's just the way.

And this talk about being saved... that being healed means something completely different, which of course is often actually the case when we become healed inside, that the body becomes freer and healed, but that being healed has a completely different meaning, that we learn to let go of all the ideas we have about what health is and how old we have to become and that we have to be eternally young and all sorts of things we imagine, that we leave that behind.

All this only brings us into conflict, into expectations that we can't follow: "but it's different for me"... and then I'm already wrong again. Just be.

[Dhyan Mikael:] Yes. We believe that to be happy, to be truly happy, I have to be healthy – otherwise I can't be happy. That's how people think. To be truly happy, I need peace in the world. To be really happy, I need to feel good about my body – all that kind of stuff. But that's not true. People who are healthy are not happy.

People who have external security are not happy. But it's no use saying that. It only works the other way around. You start to gradually discover where happiness really lies – that's why I always talk about meditation – and as I discover that, I then discover: "Ah, there it is!" And then I start to let go of the other things. That's the easiest way.

Saying yes to being unhappy

Link to topic in video at 1h01m34s

[Mona:] Exactly. My point was... There are people who have the impression, "Ah, I have so few financial resources, and I'm ill somewhere, I can't do this, I can't be happy anyway." So, this sentence, this imprint that some people carry within them, getting rid of it: it doesn't mean anything. So, happiness and salvation are completely different.

[Dhyan Mikael:] Well, but here comes the question again: what does that mean in practical terms?

[Mona:] Yes.

[Dhyan Mikael:] Okay, I have the conviction that I can't be happy without this or that. Okay. If I am a person who feels like this... I can do one thing: say 'yes' to that. "Ah, I am unhappy. I don't have what I'm convinced I need. I don't have that. I'm sad about that." Saying yes to that: "Yes, I'm unhappy about that. Yes, I'll never be happy because of it." Saying 'yes' to that.

Everything else is intellectualization. Of course, I can say to myself: "Hey, that's not true." But you still feel that way as a person. And that's why... I like it practical, very simple and practical, and the way I feel right now, to say 'yes' to that: "Okay, I'm unhappy and I don't have what I need to be happy" – that's my conviction. Can I say 'yes' to that? Why not, actually? That's all you need.

And then, you keep discovering it yourself, again and again a little bit, always a little bit. And tomorrow you feel forever unhappy because of something else. What comes out of the depths or out of your head is inexhaustible. No problem. If tomorrow I am completely convinced that I can never be happy because of this or that: then say 'yes' to that: "Okay." That works. That really works. Anyone can do that.

[Mona:] Yes, and also to give yourself permission to be happy, that was also an issue for me once. For me, it was sometimes like this: if this and this is the case, I'm happy. And then there was this and that, and I still wasn't happy because there were other reasons for it. But then there was also almost like an obstacle inside me that didn't want to allow me to be happy. So, it's crazy what's inside us.

[Dhyan Mikael:] Yes, of course that's the case. But you can't outsmart this inhibitor, because the one who wants to outsmart the inhibitor – the ego; the inhibitor is the ego – is also the ego. That feels good for a moment, but in reality, nothing has changed. But if I say 'yes' to how I feel, as if it were the truth, then you fall right through the unhappiness, so to speak, and come out happy at the bottom. And if you have said 'yes' to being unhappy and fall out of it, then you can experience: 'Ah, I can be happy!' For a brief moment.

Then the unhappiness comes back, and then you just say 'yes' to this. Over time, the unhappiness that becomes so normal for you becomes different, simply by always saying 'yes' to it. I don't need to remind myself that I can be happy too. I just love the unhappiness. And that changes, as a result. And I keep coming back to this way of life because it's sustainable. The other is true, of course. You're right, of course: we don't give ourselves permission to be happy. We don't give ourselves permission to be how we really are.

If I say 'yes' to how I feel, as if it were the truth, then you fall right through the unhappiness, so to speak, and come out happy at the bottom. And then you can experience: 'Ah, I can be happy!' For a brief moment. Then the unhappiness comes back, and then you say 'yes' to this.

Link to quote in video at 1h05m02s

But I don't like going in that direction because then I never know where I start to fool myself; where my ego takes over again. Just saying 'yes' to how it is right now is a kind of safe path, and it leads to true happiness. This arises by itself, very slowly, very gradually. It is grounded, it has a foundation, it is deep. It is solid, it has a basis. But the basis is the willingness to say 'yes': come what may.

I don't need to remind myself that I can be happy too. I just love the unhappiness. And that changes, as a result.

The other is true, of course. But I don't like going in that direction.

Just saying 'yes' to how it is right now is a kind of safe path, it leads to true happiness.

Link to quote in video at 1h05m52s

[Mona:] Yes. For me, it wasn't just a purely mental thing, but also an observation. And then I also tend to see what I'm doing with a sense of humor, which sometimes makes it easier.

[Dhyan Mikael:] Yes, that really helps a lot.

[Mona:] It doesn't always work. Sometimes you know: It would be easier with humor, but then you don't feel like humor, but sometimes it works and that helps a lot.

It feels really good for me right now. We've drawn such a nice big circle, and maybe people feel the same way when they look at it as they do with your postcard, that at first, they say: I don't understand anything anymore, and yet, something has an effect and remains, and everything is fine.

The redemption of the entire planet

Link to topic in video at 1h08m18s

[Dhyan Mikael:] Well, I said at the beginning that I had received feedback, and that people then wrote a day later to say that I was right with the quote after all. It's like this: you hear something like that, and you take something with you. And then you suddenly observe your own life a little differently, and suddenly you realize: "Wow, I actually do feel very wrong." Maybe tomorrow... if someone is listening. Tomorrow, the next day, your partner says: "Hey, I need your help", and you realize: this doesn't work, I don't want to right now.

And you realize: "Oh..." and you feel wrong. You haven't said a word yet. You know exactly that what you would want to say right now is: "No, I can't do it now, I'm not in the mood." But you realize: that's not possible; when I do that, I feel completely wrong. But you can't say 'yes' either, then you also feel wrong because you're not being true to yourself. There are so many little things that touch on this topic, all day long, everywhere. And that's because this issue is really the foundation of being human, what I explained earlier. That's why it's in the Bible in different ways.

Once we start to become sensitive to it... once we start to think: "Yes, that doesn't affect me, I don't feel wrong", that is already a certain openness to feeling wrong. There's already this arrogant, ignorant attitude behind it, but at least it's an openness: "I wouldn't have a problem with feeling wrong." That's how you think. And in this openness, the things that always happen then happen in the following days, but suddenly you feel completely new things. Then you know what I'm talking about – the one who's listening. And I would like to repeat that again at the end.

You don't feel that way as a person because you're really wrong, even though it feels that way. But you also don't feel that way because your partner is stupid or because your parents messed you up. Of course your parents messed you up, but only because they are like you, like me, and have been for millennia. And once you realize that: "Ah...". I never get tired of saying that this constant willingness to say 'yes' to all these things must be a kind of foundation of life, and at some point, you can do that, then it's no longer a problem at all.

Only at the beginning it's a bit unfamiliar to say 'yes' to all these things. And then, at some point, you get the feeling: yes, that's true. When I say 'yes' to how I feel, to this being wrong, when I say 'yes' to it, again and again.... At some point, it's like participating in the redemption of humanity. At some point, you realize: this has nothing to do with me, not even with my parents or with my partner - I am carrying the trauma of being human. And the more people are willing to say 'yes' to this, to this surrender, the closer we come to the redemption of the entire planet.

When I say 'yes' to how I feel, to this being wrong, it's like participating in the redemption of humanity. At some point, you realize: I am carrying the trauma of being human.

And the more people are willing to say 'yes' to this, to this surrender, the closer we come to the redemption of the planet.

Link to quote in video at 1h11m31s

And that starts with each individual. That's why Jesus said: Don't think about how wrong others are. Start with yourself. Learn to make peace with yourself. Then we slowly remove this old legacy, which began in paradise. We defuse it. Then it evaporates, through us.

That starts with each individual. That's why Jesus said: Don't think about how wrong others are. Start with yourself. Learn to make peace with yourself.

Then we slowly remove this old legacy, which began in paradise.
We defuse it.
Then it evaporates, through us.

Link to quote in video at 1h12m24s

[Mona:] Yes, we really grow out of it.

[Dhyan Mikael:] Yes. And then when you feel wrong, it takes on a different dimension. Then you realize: "Yes, that's just the way it is. What's up now?" And I say: 'Yes'.

[Mona:] Yes, and no drama.

[Dhyan Mikael:] And then, you're happy.

[Mona:] Thank you, Mikael. That was nice.

[Dhyan Mikael:] Thank you, Mona. Thank you for these lovely conversations with you.