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Can a Man be happy ?

Part 2 of 2: only a King can serve.

How can you accept your place in the play of nature as a man and still be completely true to yourself? This is the second part on the subject of men and sexuality. The first part is here.

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Complete text for reading along:

Good morning.

This morning, I wanted to make a part two of my video about men and about men's sexuality. After I had recorded the first video a few days ago, I had the impression that it's not quite done yet, not quite round. This subject is so vast. And there are a few experiences I had, a few insights I had on that subject, which I did not share in the first video. And I want to complete this now this morning. And I find the subject rather sensitive. We have so many misunderstandings about human and male sexuality. And it has been an area where we avoided to take a really close look, to avoid how things really are. So, there are all kinds of misunderstandings, and to me it sometimes feels like a mine field. It's so easy to do something wrong. It's so easy to hurt.

So, I feel rather naked with talking about this to you. It's quite an exercise in allowing myself to feel vulnerable when I talk about this to you, and when I recorded the German version of this video yesterday morning, something funny happened. I also felt so naked and vulnerable, and when I started recording the German video, I noticed after a few minutes into the recording that I had forgotten to put my glasses on. And so far, I recorded all of my videos with my glasses on, which I usually need to see sharp. I always use the glasses when I do computer work for instance. But I feel better without the glasses. I feel more open, it feels more intimate to me. And yesterday morning, when I felt so vulnerable, I forgot to put on the glasses. And for me, there are no coincidences, no accidents, and I thought: this is interesting; I feel so fragile, so naked, and here I'm sitting without my glasses on and I didn't even plan this. So, I continued without the glasses and I liked it. And that's why I'm sitting here today for this English video also without my glasses, and I decided to do all of my videos from now on without glasses. It feels so much better to me, to be naked, to be without protection.

Glasses have a funny effect. I find, when I put my glasses on, I look more credible, more intelligent, professor-like, you know. I look like I know what I'm talking about, whereas without glasses, I feel how I really feel inside. I don't know anything, I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know where all this comes from. But it feels good. So, I just continue like this from now on.

There's an experience I had which I did not share with you in my last video, and that's what I want to start with this morning. And, of course, it also has to do with male sexuality. When I was with my spiritual master, with Soham, about two or three years ago... no, I said this wrong: when I was with him since two or three years, this is now about 20 years ago, I had a conversation with him where he gave me an advice. And it was interesting for me, because the advice he had given me, I could not believe.

And here I was: talking to my master, and I knew that he knows more than I do, he had so much more experience than I had and that I have, but he gave me an advice which I was unable to follow. I was unable to agree with it. I thought: no, this cannot be true. No, he must be wrong in this point, he must be wrong. And so far, I never had this. I learned from him, and whatever he said made sense to me. I heard new things from him, things I never heard before, things I knew nothing about, but somehow, intuitively, I knew: yes, what I hear here... yes this is the truth.

This is the beauty of being with a master, or with a guru: you hear things you never heard before, you hear things you never thought about before, you hear them for the very first time, somehow you know: ah this is true, I know. But in this particular case, I was sure: no, I know better. What he suggested to me went against all of my experience, all of what I believed to be true. And I was in a kind of a dilemma, because he was my master. So, what to do about this.

And the way I dealt with it was: I ignored it. I simply ignored it. I couldn't listen to this. And that's what I do in life when I can't believe something: I do it my way anyway. I think there are two ways to be with a master or with a teacher or with a guru. There are some people who are able to follow the advice they hear, even when they can't believe it, even when they feel: no this can't be true. But some people have this kind of surrender, this kind of openness and love, which enables them to follow this, to listen to this anyway. It's like: their dedication, their surrender, their love is so deep that they can be true to themselves in their surrender, in their love for the master, they can be true to themselves and follow the advice they can't believe.

And if this is possible for somebody, this is a good way - I guess, because it's not my way. I assume that this is a good way, if you are able to do this with your whole heart, with: you know, I don't believe this, you know, this can't be true, and yet my surrender, my love is greater. So, with full dedication, with all of your heart, with being true to yourself, without betraying yourself, you can follow this advice anyway. And I guess this is a good way.

It was never my way. My way was and is that I can only follow what is my own experience. And what I heard back at that time, it was not my experience, I had quite the opposite experience, so I had to ignore it. Well, for me it meant: when I want to be true to myself, when I want to not betray myself, I cannot follow this, I must ignore it. And this is also a good way. The important thing is that one stays true to him- or herself. And my way is a good way for me. I have to find out for myself. I'm at the side of my master and yet I have to do it my own way and it leads to the same goal. At the end, I know the truth too, it's just that I guess my way is much longer. It takes much more time. But I have no choice. I don't have a choice. I have to do it my way.

And Soham always said over and over again... he advised people: hey, if I say something which you don't have a resonance with, if I say something which is not for you, don't listen to it, forget it. Then it's not for you, or it's not for you right now. And he said this over and over again. Yes, so this was my way. I could not listen to this. I ignored it.

There's also a third way how to deal with this and I want to briefly touch on that too, and that is: when you cannot believe what the guru or the master says, you cannot believe it, you think he's an idiot, this cannot be true, and you don't have this surrender and this unexplainable trust to your master or guru which enables you to be true to yourself and follow this advice anyway, you don't have this, like I don't have this, but you follow it anyway; you think: well he said it, or she said it, I should follow this, and everybody else thinks it's a great idea, everybody else is doing it, so I should do it. I should do it too.

But then, you are not true to yourself; then you go against yourself. It's like you leave yourself. You abandon yourself, and with this you abandon your master, your guru, and you are alone. People who do this, and there are many, they lose their master. Sooner or later, they will go away, because it's not possible to be with a master and not be with yourself. This is not possible. It doesn't fit together. And that's why I do not recommend this third way. It's better to be stubborn like I am, and to say: no, this is stupid, and give yourself time, do it your own way, and at some point, you will understand. But not now.

Swamiji, my Indian guru, he describes it this way, he says: the guru talks on one level, on this level, that's where he sits with his insights, with his knowing, with his consciousness, and the disciple, me, sits down there, with his experience, with his ability to see things, and these two levels do not match at all. Swamiji says: the guru talks on one level and the disciple hears it on another level, and they don't have anything in common. So it's only natural that the disciple can't understand. But at some Point, he will. Yes, so, I don't recommend the third way.

I did it my way. And because I stayed true to myself, it was no conflict. This might sound strange to you but... my master had said something, he gave me a piece of advice, and I couldn't listen, but I was true to myself. I thought, I said: no, in this case he's not right, but in all the other cases I know he's right, so, I just went on with being his disciple and living my life, and I did it my way in this particular issue.

And now I want to also tell you what it was about, after I made this long detour. It was a conversation I had with Soham about my relationship at the way I experienced sexuality with my girlfriend. I was in a relationship with my beautiful girlfriend at that time, and I shared with him how it is for me, how I experience when we are close to each other, when we have sex. And I didn't share it with him because I had a problem, quite the contrary. I enjoyed it, I felt good, it was a good experience for me. I didn't see any problem anywhere.

And the way I was with a woman back then was that my whole awareness was with the woman. I always looked out for: how is she doing; is what we are doing together, is what I'm doing, is this good for her; does she like it; is it the right thing to do? I told you in my earlier video that I used to be a man who tried to do it right. I didn't want to do anything which would not be pleasurable and good for the woman, and that's what I did. I just made sure that whatever happens between us is okay for her, is what she likes, is what she wants. And I thought, I was totally convinced that: this is how you should do it. And I guess you will think the same. You will probably nod right now and think: yes, of course, this is how it should be. So, I shared with him about how I'm doing this, how it is for me.

And then he said to me: "Mikael, don't do this, this is terrible. Don't do this." And he went on saying: only be with yourself, only feel yourself. Look at yourself. Do not look at the woman at all. He didn't mean looking at her with the eyes, it didn't mean I shouldn't look at her with my eyes. He talked about the awareness. My... my... Don't think about how it is for her - that's what he was saying. Don't wonder how she's doing. Don't wonder what she likes. Feel yourself. That's what he meant. Feel yourself. Feel what you feel like. Feel how it is for you, not for the woman. Ignore the woman with your attention. Feel yourself.

And when he said this, I thought: this is crazy. I literally thought: this man has no clue what he's talking about. I thought: he's such a wise guy, I just agreed with him everywhere, but not on this. I thought: this cannot be true. I thought: this cannot be good advice. And that's why I couldn't follow it. It went against all my instincts, because... against everything I believe to be true. So, I ignored it and I just went on with how I was behaving with me and my girlfriend.

I think there are two kinds of men, roughly speaking. The one kind of men who just say: well, I just take what I want, I do it my way, I don't care. I take what I want. These are the men who... for them, a woman is basically a kind of an object, an object to fulfill their wishes, their lust, and an opportunity to gain pleasure. Basically, they use women. And this is ugly. I find this ugly, and I never wanted to be a man like this. My father was a man like this in some way, without knowing it. He didn't have a choice, I don't blame him. But he was like this, and I didn't want to be like this.

And then there is the second kind of men, who don't want to be like this. They know enough men who are like this, you see them everywhere, and they want to do it different. They want to do it right. They want to do what's best for the woman. They don't want to hurt the woman. They want to make sure that the woman is fine, more than fine: that the woman likes what's happening, that it's the best for the woman. And this sounds good. And I was this kind of man. I lived my life like this when it came to women or relationship.

And it sounds very very beautiful. But it's kind of strange because, what sounds so nice... doesn't really work. Because, when you are a woman and you have a man like this, it's like you don't have a man. There's nobody, there's nobody who has his own energy, his own way, he just looks at you and basically does everything you want, but this it's like you don't meet anybody. It's empty. There's no intimacy in this. There is just a guy who's scared to do it wrong. It might be better than having a guy who is doing it the ugly way, but it's not what you want either.

So, what else to do in this dilemma? You don't want to be ugly, when you're a man, and when you're a woman, you don't want to have such an ugly man who uses and abuses you. Some men rape a woman and they don't even notice that they rape a woman, they don't even notice, that's how unconscious they are. And when you are a man, you don't want to be the other way either, you don't want to give up yourself and just do what the woman wants. And when you're a woman, having a man like this, it's like not as painful as the first kind but kind of boring, kind of... it's just absence. Not exciting. So, what to do?

Well, I didn't know what to do. I just followed this way, how I did it. That's how I did it for years and years. I forgot the advice my master had given me. I went on with being the way I thought is good. But I explained to you that I was able to stay with my master despite of this disagreement, so I went on learning from him. I... slowly, slowly, over the years, I became more conscious, I came closer to myself, I became more and more how I really was, less and less I tried to be how people thought I should be, or how I thought I should be... that's the real tyranny. Slowly, slowly, I became more and more close to myself. I lived more and more in the moment rather than in thoughts and in imaginations and fantasy. More and more, I arrived here, in the moment, with me, and I came closer and closer to myself.

I didn't think about sexuality. This just went its own way, but just in general, being with my master changed me over the years, slowly, slowly. I hardly noticed it. These things happen by themselves. And without me noticing, of course, this also influenced the way I was with my girlfriend and in sexuality. Of course, this changed too, but it changed not because I wanted to follow some advice, but because being with my master slowly changed me, and so this changed too.

And then, it must have been about 10 years later, with Soham about me and my girlfriend, and in these 10 years, while I was becoming more aware of myself and I was more rooted in myself, more connected to myself, it had become much more natural for me to just feel how I feel and live from there, rather than live from ideas and thoughts. So, I noticed at some point that something had changed in my sexuality too. To my own surprise, because I never wanted to change anything there. What I began to notice was something amazing to me, very very astonishing to me.

I noticed that while I'm... I noticed that I'm just feeling myself while I'm being together with my girlfriend. I noticed that I just feel myself and how it is for me while I have sex with my girlfriend. And what I began to experience is that I know naturally, automatically, since I felt myself, and I was so aware of myself even in this situation, even in sexuality... I began to do things which, in a miraculous way, were also the right thing for my girlfriend, without me worrying about her at all. I had stopped worrying about what she wants. I had stopped worrying about how she's doing. But I hadn't done this on purpose, it just stopped. This habit of mine, which I was so proud of years ago, had just stopped somewhere along the way while I was coming closer to myself.

Then I noticed that although I didn't do this, my actions and none actions... that what I did and that what I didn't do, in a miraculous way were not only the right things and the authentic things for me but also for her. And I couldn't explain this to myself. It's like how is this possible? I just feel myself, and yet... and I just do what feels the best thing for me in that particular moment, and yet, at the same time, it's the right thing for her.

I remember a particular experience, we slept with each other, we had sex. It was lovely, it was beautiful. And then, at some point, I felt: oh, somehow my energy changes right now, I think I want to stop right now. So, I stopped. I stopped sleeping with her and we were just lying next to each other and cuddling, and I had her in my arms, but we didn't continue with sex, I wasn't in her anymore, because my own energy said: no, it's enough for now. I don't know why, I don't understand, but let's just stop for a moment. And later she told me: you know, I was totally astonished but just the moment where you stopped, I had the feeling: it's enough right now, I want to stop, and she said: but I couldn't have said it, it was subtle for me and I wouldn't have dared to say it. But you just stopped... right that moment you stopped.

And later, at some point, the energy changed again, and I felt this energy flow again, this which just wanted to continue with sex, this energy just wanted to resume what we were doing earlier, so I did it. And she shared with me later that when I did this, she was ready again. She just... she thought: oh, now he could go on, this would be nice. She would have never said this, you know, but she felt like this, and I did it, but I had not had one thought about her. All I did was feeling my own energy, feeling myself.

For me, this was like a miracle. I didn't know what was happening. But once I experienced this, and once I paid attention to this, I noticed it again and again and again, that it was like this. And I began to trust my own feelings which I had out of myself, not because I was worrying about the well-being of my partner. I was just feeling myself, I was just totally with myself with my attention, and yet, everything was perfect for her too. It was almost like: when I'm really truly connected with myself, when I'm really in the moment, not in fantasies, not planning what I want, not having an agenda, but just being in the moment, listening to my own energy, to my own being, in every moment, again and again and again... then nothing bad can happen, then I cannot do anything wrong. That's how it felt to me. And I started to trust this more and more. I experienced it like: this carries, this I can trust.

And then one day, I clued in. I remembered this conversation I had 10 years ago with my master. And I thought: this is what he was talking about, this what I experience now. He knew how it really works but I wasn't ready. I was not aware enough, I was not close enough to myself. I couldn't imagine this. But just by ignoring his advice but being with him anyway, I changed, and at some point, I understood. It had become my own experience, his advice had become my own experience, without me even knowing.

Yes, and this deepened my connection and my trust with him, of course, but it also made me much freer and more natural in sex, in sexuality. I began to trust that what I'm doing, how I am, out of myself, is okay. Before, my basis was that I was always worried to do it wrong and I knew: if I'm not careful as a man, I will hurt the woman. If I just live my lust, I will hurt the woman. That was my experience before. That's what I was seeing all around. That's what I was seeing with my father and my mother, and that's what I wanted to avoid. The fundament of my interaction with women, with my girlfriend, before, was this avoidance, this fear. And now it was totally different. I trusted this new ground in me. I trusted myself. I trusted that, what I feel in the moment... I can trust... this is good for me and for everybody else involved.

Of course, this is not only true in sexuality. This is true for any interaction with other human beings in any area, be it work, or sex, or relationship or whatever: that you can trust. I cannot trust my imaginations, my lust, my... but I can trust that what I truly feel in the moment, when I'm connected with myself, and I don't have plans and I don't have thoughts. So, this changed it for me.

Sometimes in the video I come to the point where I'm just blank and empty and I have to wait for the next words to come... this is a funny feeling, but beautiful. That's what I'm doing right now. When something is said and the next thing is not here yet.

In my first video about the subject, I talked about this natural role of the man in relation with the woman in sex. That it's the place of the man, the task of the man, to be ready, to be available, but that the man doesn't need "it". The man is ready for sex when the woman invites him, but he doesn't need it. He doesn't even want it. He's just ready. And there's a second experience I had which I didn't share in my first video, which made me understand this in a much deeper way, and I want to touch on this too briefly. I guess I don't do anything briefly in my videos, but this is how it feels, the minutes fly by.

What most men experience in sex is probably the following: you have sex, you sleep with each other, and even when you are very much connected with yourself and in the moment, basically what the whole thing builds up to is to your orgasm, until you come. And then, the energy is released and then you're quiet and everything is fine for you. I guess this is how it is for most men. And I hear stories from women over and over again that when they have sex and when they stop before the man had his orgasm, the man freaks out. It's terrible for him. He wants is orgasm. Once his energy has built up, and once he's in it, he wants his orgasm. He feels he needs it.

It's interesting, for me it never has been like this. I always enjoyed orgasm, and I could also notice in... when I was with a woman, when I had sex, that yes: it goes into this direction, and... I want it, so to speak, and in a way, this is totally natural, you know: this is the only thing nature is interested in. Nature is not interested in you as a man having pleasure, nature wants that you have an orgasm so the woman becomes pregnant. This is the root of this whole game, seen with the eyes of nature. So, in a way, it's natural that you feel this urge to have an orgasm. But I also have had experiences where sex stopped before I had an orgasm and I didn't freak out. I loved my girlfriend too much, I could have never reacted like this, but I think, deep down, I still felt like any other ordinary man feels.

But then I had an interesting experience one day. It was years later, this was a few years after the insight, the experience I just shared with you a few minutes ago. And I had sex with a woman who I really liked. We weren't together, we didn't have a relationship, but I felt totally relaxed, I felt totally loved, accepted by the woman. There was no uneasiness, no nervousness on my part. I just felt good. The experience of having sex in that moment was just lovely, and I noticed suddenly: I don't even want to come. I don't even want to have an orgasm, because then this lovely... I felt so well, so round, that would be over, I knew it. I didn't even want to come. This urge to have an orgasm was gone for just a moment, and it felt so nice.

There's not much to say about this experience, but it really changed something for me. I experienced: I don't need an orgasm.

In my first video, I shared with you how men mistake this "readiness", which nature built into the male body, the sexual readiness... that man mistake this for "I want this", "I need this". And nature also has built into the man this urge to have an orgasm, because without this, there will be no children. And with this experience, I experienced I don't need this. This is the game of nature, but I don't need this. And later... then I began to have many experiences where I had sex with a woman but were no orgasm for me happened, just because it didn't feel right, it just didn't happen. There was no space for it. Sometimes the woman had come, and it felt totally complete, and for me just going on now would have felt really strange, so I didn't have an orgasm and it was lovely. At other times, it felt right and I had an orgasm and it was just perfect, no rules. But I discovered that also this I don't need. This... this last belief of a man: "I need an orgasm". And this changed it for me.

It was like: I was free. I was free from this funny game nature plays with us men. And the way I had become free of it was not by reading a smart book, not by doing a sex workshop. It's good to read smart books and it's good to do workshops if you feel like it, but that never changed anything for me. What did it for me was years and years and years of learning from my master to be with myself, to feel myself, to be in the moment, to be in the now. Slowly, slowly, slowly it changed out of this, and what I discovered through this is what I touched in the first video, out of this what was building up in me was a happiness, a contentment, which was coming out of myself, which had nothing to do with sex. It had nothing to do with an orgasm. I was content and happy before sex. And this contentment, this happiness came out of this increased awareness, out of this increased knowing myself, being with myself inside.

And I share this experience and this insight because afterwards, something interesting happened to me. And this is what was missing for me in the first video, this last point I want to touch now. I began to... you know, in the first video I talked about that the man's role, the man's task in this dance with a woman is to be ready - when he's ready. I mean, if you don't feel ready to have sex with a woman, you don't feel ready, you don't have to have sex. If you don't want to, you don't, but if you feel ready, that's your job: just being ready, not wanting anything, not demanding anything, just to be ready. And as long as you are invited, as long as you are needed, you are ready, you are there. It felt to me like... this whole is like... being the servant of nature: accepting the role nature has given me, as a man.

And somehow, after this last experience which I shared with you just now, I was ready to embrace this, to say: okay, this is my role: being the servant of nature, being the servant of the woman. And I continued having sexual encounters with a woman, enjoying it totally, enjoying it more than ever before because I was so free in it. I didn't want to get anything out of it anymore. I didn't need anything out of it. I could just experience how it is to the fullest, without any demand on my part, without the feeling that something specific has to happen, that we have to reach a certain point. I was free of this. And then I could just enjoy it more than ever before. And I could just be available, without any need, without any demand on my part. Being the servant of the woman, so to speak. I rather say: being the servant of nature, because this has nothing to do with a woman. Nature has made us this way, not the woman. And usually, it's impossible for men to do this.

A normal man feels like okay: for me to be a man means, I do what I want, I'm in charge. We do what I say. That's being a man: being the boss. And this feels totally the opposite. So, how is this... how is this possible for a man?

And in closing this video, I want to share a story which has nothing to do with sexuality at all, but which highlights this what's needed here for me. I love these stories because often, through them we can see something which we can't see otherwise, because some subject is maybe too sensitive and too delicate for us, like sexuality is. I was always very interested in history, and there was one thing I read over and over again that when there were kings and queens around, every king had a servant, I don't know the English word for this, in German, if I would translate it directly from German, it's called the chamber servant, it was the servant who was closest to the king, the servant who would be the last one seeing him at night, making sure that the King has everything for the night, he would be the person who sees him the first thing in the morning, making sure that the king gets everything he needs in the morning; who would know the king and who would make sure that other servants would fulfill all the needs of the king.

And I used to think that the servant would probably be a lowly person, like a simple person, maybe a farmer who was... who had to do this job as a servant. I thought, to be a servant is something low. And then I read that the opposite was true. That only men from the highest ranks, men who were almost kings themselves, were allowed and able to fulfill this role of being the servant of the king. And I could not understand this. Why this? For me it felt like a contradiction. Why do these powerful, wise men, why do they have to do such a job? Isn't this below themselves? Don't they have to make themselves small and sacrifice their honor so to speak... that's how it felt to me. So, I didn't understand this.

But then, something interesting happened for me with my own master, who is like a king. He is huge, he's a king in his own way, just the same way like my guru is an emperor. I noticed over the years... I always had fun being there for him. My job was to take care of all the technical needs, all the technical details around satsang, and for him personally, with his computer and all the technical stuff. So from the very first day when I was with him, I liked to take care of all these things, but there was something I noticed. The longer I was with him, the more I became rooted in myself, the more I was growing as a human being, the bigger I got inside, the stronger I got inside, the more independent I got inside, the more I became my own master so to speak... I noticed: the better I can serve him. I began to understand what he wanted, what he needed and what he was saying, better and better.

And the stronger and the bigger I became, the better a servant I became. And I could see that people who are not big enough, they can't see the... it's like when the King has a servant who is weak, who is not almost a king by himself, then this servant cannot but hate the king, hate the greatness, hate the strength of the king. Such a servant will eventually kill the king. And only somebody who's himself or herself big and strong, and loves his or her own strength and vastness, only such a person will admire and love and honor the king and then serve him.

It's a sign of the greatness of my master that when Swamiji came along six years ago, this Indian guru... Soham, at that time... he had so many followers, so many disciples, so many people who loved him. He was such a great master in his own right. There was nobody like him anywhere. And then, Swamiji came into our lives, and Soham couldn't do anything but immediately become the servant of Swamiji. It was the greatness of Soham and is the greatness of Soham, of this king, that he recognized: wow, there's an emperor. There's somebody much bigger than I am, much wiser, infinitely wiser. And only because... only a king can recognize an emperor.

And that's why, when us men... only when we learn to be ourselves, when we become, slowly, slowly, strong in us, when you slowly, slowly become a king yourself, then you become strong, and you become big, then you begin to not need anything from anybody. And then you become the servant of nature, and it feels totally natural, and totally easy and the right thing to do. No contradiction anywhere, quite the opposite. And then, you even can have sex not wanting anything, because you don't need anything, it just fulfills you although you don't get anything, you don't want anything, it's just amazingly beautiful. Sometimes, I look at the computer screen to see how long I talk, because I have no clue how long I talk.

And to be able to experience this in sexuality is quite a task, because sexuality such as sensitive matter, such as sensitive issue. We tend to be so... we feel so wrong there, and we have so many wishes and misunderstandings. We believe so strongly that there, we need something. It's very difficult to be aware and authentic when it comes to sexuality. At least this is my own experience with myself. So, be patient with yourself there. It is a sensitive subject, because of all the misunderstandings we have, because we are so small, and so weak, because we never learned who we really are, and to feel ourselves.

I think I talk too much because I hardly can speak anymore. And, I didn't touch on the subject of the Samarpan Meditation and Swamiji in this video at all, I just cannot fit everything into one video, it just doesn't work. But I want to mention it briefly, to make it round, because that's where ultimately my ability to experience the things I'm sharing with you here in this video... where this ability comes from. With Soham, I learned to be more aware in the moment, with Soham I began to feel myself. And only Swamiji with the Samarpan Meditation taught me true contentment, true happiness, which comes out of the recognition, out of the experience of that what I really am: that I am not this man, I'm not this body... it's a nice body, it's a nice man, I like this body very much, I'm very grateful for it, but I am not it. Swamiji says: you're a soul.

And it's not enough to hear these things. With him, I learned to slowly, slowly, more and more, experience it. And by this growing experience, an independence of... All the things which are connected with the body and with this human experience become less important and less difficult. And this is the basis of my progress, so to speak. I don't have the feeling that I made any progress, but it sounds like it, I know.

That's by the way the reason why... you know, many many people wonder why... When you listen to a guru, it sounds like okay, meditation is the answer to everything. Sometimes, there is Q and A sessions with Swamiji, where people can just ask him questions and he will answer. And then, people come to him: a man has sexual problems and Swamiji says: meditate, this will solve your sexual problems; somebody else comes with a huge business problem, Swamiji says: meditate, and your business will prosper; and somebody else comes with a relationship problem or with a financial problem and this or that, and Swamiji says: meditate, and this all will disappear. And there was a time where I didn't understand this. I thought: he makes it a little bit too easy, but it really is like this, because through a guru, through a true guru, through this meditation, you begin to experience what you really are. You become independent of this body, and you begin to be a soul so to speak.

"A soul" is only a word, it's only a word pointing to something which cannot be put into words, it's like when Jesus said: I'm the son of a man but I'm the Son of God. He said: I'm living in this body just like you, but I'm spirit, I'm the Holy Spirit, and you are too, by the way. And when you meet a true guru, when you do this meditation, then you begin to discover this yourself, now, in this body.

When this grows, there's a true satisfaction, a true lasting happiness growing in you, which has nothing to do with the body, and of course, nothing to do with sex, and nothing to do with women. And that's when you become bigger, that's when you become independent like a king, like a guru. Swamiji always says: what I teach you is only one thing: become your own guru. You become your own king. You become a soul. And then, all these problems, all these seemingly unsolvable problems, they're not there anymore, because you are different.

Thank you for listening. Thank you.

There's one thing I forgot to say in this video, and I want to repeat this... I want to... that's why I want to mention this now at the end. I just remember that I said this in the German video.

I'm infinitely grateful to those human beings, to those women I had the great luck too to be with, where I could learn this. I'm totally grateful that there were some women where I had the opportunity to experience these things, and learn them, and be myself and discover these things. I said in my first video: it was my true puberty. 40 years later I was able to play with this whole area of life, and the word play sounds as if you don't value something, but this is not true. I'm totally grateful and I love every moment, I remember every moment. I remember every, every single experience, every single human being I met, and I'm so grateful.

Thank you for being. Thank you for being here.

I love you.