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Grow bigger than your problems

Carefree living with the Samarpan Meditation.

Do you feel at the mercy of life's endless problems? Meditation doesn't change anything? You are looking in the wrong direction. Learn how meditation is the solution to all problems - forever. 

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The other day, when Swamiji was giving a discourse at the Place of Meditation, the children had the opportunity to meet him afterwards and ask him questions. My youngest told afterwards how she asked him, "What is it like to be holy?" and his answer was, "Easy. Very easy and relaxed."

Most people, however, feel very differently. The inspiration for this video were two letters to me, one about serious illnesses that cause existential anguish and fear of death, and the other about a family that suffers because one of the adult children breaks off contact without explanation. These accounts touch me very much because they reflect the dilemma of humanity: we feel at the mercy of life's circumstances, and we cannot imagine how to change that: how to live lightly and carefree, like a Guru, and be happy.

The Gurus' answer to all these problems of life is always the same: "meditate!" For a long time I did not understand how this could be true. How could one and the same method solve so many different problems?

The way meditation really "works" cannot be imagined by the ordinary person. Only now do I understand it a little and experience for myself what is really happening. This is exactly what this video is about: I report how meditation really makes every problem in life disappear by making what you really are grow so much that all your problems and fear of the death of the body just disappear. Swamiji says: meditation makes your soul your Guru. Yes, it is true. Then you too will experience life as easy and relaxed, no matter what happens.

Complete text for reading along:

Good morning.

This morning, in this video, I would like to answer to questions from two letters I received. I love answering questions. It really inspires me. So, let me read the first letter to you. The letter is from Elke. "I am going through a difficult time. I fell severely ill at the end of November of last year, and I have been sick ever since. I can't work or go to the Place of Meditation. I feel a lot of anger. Soham says that Swamiji will take care of our health. This is hard for me to see. I have been prayed for many times in India, with no result. But I must say that after having already spent a lot of time and money on healers, I was finally led to someone who seems to be able to help me. I feel, after two months of treatment, a small Improvement. I also feel that I'm being guided. But recovery takes so long. I am self-employed and I am making losses. This scares me. And I envy everybody who is doing well. Why I am writing this to you? I don't know exactly. My trust in Swamiji has diminished somewhat. At times I was no longer able to meditate. Now I am back to doing it regularly. My husband meditates with me once a week. Right now, I am listening to your video on manifesting. It does me good that you remind me to be grateful. Being sick has taught me that I am loved, even when I show up weak. But now I still can't see why that has to be like this. Probably it is the karma from a previous life."

Thank you for your question. Well, it's not a question, it's a report. We want to know: "why is it like this?" It probably is karma from your previous life, but that doesn't help. It doesn't help to know why it is like this. You say that you experience that you are being loved even when you are weak. Now, the question, the real question is: do you love yourself when you are weak? Do you love yourself when you are like this? Do you love the feelings you feel right now? Do you love your life and the circumstances the way they are? That's the real question. It it's nice if others love us even when we are weak or wrong or bad, but the only thing which really matters is: do I love myself this way? So ill, so weak, so incapable.

And you say that your trust in Swamiji has diminished somehow and that you even stopped meditating for a while. You know, the thing is this: we have certain expectations how it will look like if something works; if a prayer works; if meditating works; if the Guru "works". And usually, our belief is that our life will change. We believe: if I do everything right, or if a prayer works, or if my Guru is a true Guru, then my life will become free of problems and wonderful. And we hear these reports from Gurus or from people who found themselves, and they report about such a life where it's just... everything is just so easy. And Mikael says the same thing! I say it's so easy, and life becomes so wondrous, almost like a miracle.

So, when we hear this, we imagine this means: life will change. My sickness will go away, or... your illness is just one example of an incident which makes life scary and painful. Other people are scared because of money or because of violence or whatever, or they don't feel loved or whatever. That's our expectation, and then we do something, and then we check: does my life change? Am I getting healthy? No, I'm not getting healthy, it doesn't work.

But the expectation is wrong, and that's the problem. And, usually, we are totally focused on the outside. We want a good life, meaning: the circumstances of our life should be the way we want them, and if they are not the way we want them, then we suffer, then we are scared. That's the only thing we are interested in, and we don't know anything else. But it works in a completely different way. And just recently, I read something Swamiji wrote about this, and I want to tell you this. He says... let me first tell you a story from Swamiji. He talked about this seed of a huge tree.

There was a tiny little seed. It was the seed of a huge tree. The tree was so huge, it almost touched the sky. But the seeds of this tree were very very tiny. And one of these seeds was laying on the ground, tucked in in-between stones; the seed couldn't see the light. There were all these big stones on top of the seed and all around the seed. And the seed felt like: "how am I going to do this here? I have to remove these stones. These stones, they prevent me from growing, and I can't move them, what should I do?" And in its despair, this seed turns to the big tree which was growing nearby, looking up to the tree and saying: "hey, what should I do?"

And the tree told the seed to just grow. "Just start growing. Don't worry." The tree was so big and encouraged the seed, to speak. And I don't know the story exactly, but basically what happens then is... I forget some important part of the story but anyway... the seed starts growing a little bit, and it can't remove the stones. It's not possible. But it just somehow grows a little bit around these stones, and somehow starts growing, and it grows a little bit more and a little bit more, and it becomes a small tree around these stones. And then, slowly, slowly, this tree starts growing bigger and bigger and bigger, and at some point, it's much bigger than these stones, and it grows bigger and bigger until it's as big as the other tree, and the stones are long forgotten.

And the meaning of the story is that it's not the circumstances which we need to change. It's not that the circumstances of life change, and then we are happy and safe. We change. The change we are looking for happens not outside, but in us. And that's something you cannot imagine. We don't know anything about this possibility. We don't know anything about our inside, let alone that it can grow. And bottom line, the stories says that when you begin to grow that what you really are; when this seed which is hidden in you, when that starts growing, the circumstances of life, the stones, become irrelevant. When you are a little seed, you feel like a victim of the circumstances. You feel like a victim of these stones, and you have no idea what you're going to do. But if you start growing, you don't take care of the stones, you just start sprouting. And then you grow, and you grow more and more. And there's a point where you're not even... not only are you not bothered by these stones anymore, you don't even realize them anymore. They're so small compared to you.

Swamiji was once asked about how this meditation works, the Samarpan Meditation, and he said: "it's very simple." He took a pen and a piece of paper, and he drew a line onto this paper, and then he said: "Well, the challenge is: how do you make this line smaller, shorter, without changing it? This line stands for the circumstances in life, the stones, your illness. How do you make the circumstances of life smaller without changing them? Basically, he says: you can't change the circumstances, but how do you make them smaller?

And then he took the pen and he drew another line next to this first line, and he makes this line longer and longer and longer, much much much longer than the first line. And he said: that's the trick. You must draw a second line next to the first line, and you make this line much much much longer, and then, in comparison, the first line is so small, it's insignificant. It doesn't bother the second line. And the second line, that's what Swamiji calls our soul. That's the seed in you. That's what's in you but you have never let it sprout. You have never given it water to grow. Your whole attention was always on the outside, on the circumstances, on the people around you, on the circumstances, on your body and its well-being, and you never have looked inside. That's where the seed is, the soul.

And now the trick is this: when you start meditating, that's when you give water to this seed. Your attention is the fertilizer which will grow this seed, and it takes a while, but the seed will sprout and it will grow. The inside, your inside becomes bigger and bigger. This line gets longer and longer. And it might be that your body is still sick then, but you don't even notice it anymore. You are big and strong. Maybe your body got healthy again, but there are other circumstances in life which might be considered very difficult for other people, but you, you don't notice them, because they're so small, you're so big. And that's what the meditation does: it helps you sprout the seed in you.

Right now, you are a victim of life. You feel like a victim of the circumstances; of the circumstances around you and of the condition of your body; and it's very strong. If you feel like this, it's very strong, it's very difficult. Life is really difficult. And you have no idea; you cannot imagine any other possibility other than these circumstances changing. And you hear me say this, and you say: "well, I don't know...", but that's the way, and it's possible.

I just remember an incident in my life. It was when in New York, the World Trade Center was destroyed by these two airplanes. And I remember, this was September 11th of a year I forgot, but I remember where I was. I was with my spiritual Master Soham in a retreat. We were on Corfu. And I was sitting on the balcony of the apartment I had there. I was doing some computer work for my Master, and suddenly, people were running by, saying: "Oh my God, the third world war is happening!" They were retreat participants. They were totally freaked out. They were in absolute dismay. They were so scared.

I was sitting there at my computer and I was astonished about myself. I was doing my work, I was looking up, listening to these people and I felt like: "okay...". Somehow, it didn't touch me. I just kept working. And these people were very irritated with me. And then, they rushed to Soham and told him everything. And later, we were sitting together and we just couldn't get worried about it. And that's what I mean. In your life, there are all kinds of things happening. Also now, in my life, again and again there are things happening which might have totally stressed me out earlier, but I hardly recognize them, because something in me was growing. I can't tell you much about it, because, you know, for oneself it's always normal, the way it is.

There is this thing normal people always wonder about. They see these holy people or Gurus, and what can be seen from the outside is that these Gurus, or a holy person... he doesn't or she doesn't have an easy life on the outside. Often, these people have very difficult lives. They live in very difficult, often very poor, very simple circumstances. Some are very ill; some are having a lot of trouble. This is seen with the eyes of a normal person. But this holy person, this Guru, is in total bliss. They feel so lucky, they feel so happy, they love their life. They are so grateful and they are just happy. And the people around, they can't understand this. And that's the secret: this seed of those people has grown into a huge tree. And they see the troubles in their life, they see the sickness of their body, they see the difficulty of the circumstances, but for them, it's insignificant. They are so strong. They are so tall. They are like: "I don't care". And that's what's possible for everybody: to go out of this victim role we are usually in.

And you do this by meditating. The Samarpan Meditation is helping you with exactly this. You turn your attention away from the circumstances to the inside. And that attention... it's like this attention is God energy. This is pure life energy. That's the only thing you have. You don't have money; you don't have a job; this is all part of the body; this is all part of the circumstances. It's not yours. It will go away sooner or later. There's one thing you have: your attention, your consciousness. And where you direct this consciousness to, this is what will grow. And when you turn this attention inwards, when you meditate, when you rest with your attention here at the crown chakra... what happens is that this inside, this soul, this seed, gets nourished, gets watered, gets fertilized, and it will grow. It doesn't grow overnight. Growing takes a little bit of time. But it will grow.

And when you do this... it's not that your circumstances change, but you begin to notice that something is changing. You don't even know what it is, because you can't see it. It's on your inside. It's like your letter... you say: "I prayed and I meditated, but nothing happens, I'm still sick. It doesn't work. I lose trust. But I must say that a person entered my life who helps me. And I must say: I feel some... I feel some guidance inside of myself. There's some funny strength inside of myself, I can't even explain." And that's what happens. Slowly, slowly, you grow stronger in you. Slowly, slowly, it's like the circumstances don't change really, but in a way, they get much easier. Sometimes, they even change. Sometimes, your life becomes totally trouble-free. Sometimes not. This depends on old karma, but this doesn't matter at all. What you need to know is: you just take care of your inside. Let this seed sprout. And it's sprouting with you, I know this, I can see it right now. That's why you write to me. The seed says: "I want attention".

And usually, we get into trouble because we don't know anything about this inside process. We don't know that this is what is going to happen. Our expectations are only concerned with the outside, but that's not where the real change happens. And you know, it's like this: two things... when you do this, over time, two things are changing. The one is: your inside gets stronger, and you just don't care about these things anymore which was so troublesome for you earlier. You don't care about them anymore because they are so small, compared to you. And the second thing which changes is that your outside life does change, but you can't distinguish one from the other. For your experience, it's just that your life just gets easier and easier. You just don't see any stones anymore. And you don't know: "Is it because they got so small, or did a miracle happen and they disappeared? I don't know. But all I can say is: I am not bothered by any stones anymore. I don't know where they went."

That's why normal people cannot understand holy people, wise people, Gurus, because they look at these people, and they don't see any difference. The lives of these people are no different than your life, but they live a totally different life. They are huge inside. That's the example of Jesus. He had a difficult life. He got nailed to the cross, like two other men next to him. His circumstances, his life was no different than the life of other people. But his inside was completely different. He lived through this experience untouched, unharmed. It was painful, yes, but he was so big, it's like it didn't touch him.

And that's one of these messages of Jesus's life for us: when you turn inwards, when you meditate, when you start praying... true prayer is meditation... when you develop your seed, when God grows in you, when your soul gets big, then it doesn't matter. It just doesn't matter how your life is. Your life is good. And that's something nobody who doesn't experience it himself or herself can understand.

That's how Heaven happens.
That's how Paradise happens.

I live in the same world like everybody else around me, and the people here, the neighbors, they are worried, they have their agony. I live in the same world, but my world is completely different because I am different. That's the difference. And this is very good news. This is such good news, because if you think your well-being depends on the outside, you are faced with a lost cause. You might be able to heal this body, but I guarantee you: the next difficulty just waits around the corner. This is just how life is. Life has beautiful things and life has difficulties. How you experience it depends on how you are, on your strength, how tall you are inside. And if you focus on the outside, it's a never-ending story. You cannot solve this riddle on the outside. But if you turn inwards, all of the problems are being taken care of.

And this is also something... Usually, normal people just don't understand: why does this Guru say: "just meditate". The disciples or normal people come to a Guru with all of their worldly problems, like you: with an illness, with their worry about money, with their existential fears, and every person has a totally different story, a totally different problem, and yet, the answer is always the same. The Guru says: "meditate". Jesus says: "pray, put God first", which is the same. And we ask, we wonder: "How is this possible? I mean, this is ridiculous! Why does he give the same answer to everybody? Why should meditation take care of all these problems? How is this going to happen? This is nonsense!" That's what we think.

But what happens is that through meditation or through true prayer, which is the same, our seed starts spouting. Right now, when you're a normal person, you are a tiny little seed, and the smallest stone hurts you. The slightest trouble in life is a huge problem for you. And then, you start growing. And you grow, and you grow, and you grow, until you... until the crown of this tree touches the sky. That's how it works. That's your potential. And then, life is the way it is, your body might be ill or not, you might be having a job or not, you're alone or not, you hardly notice. You're so tall.

And I know that listening to something like this doesn't really help, because you... if you don't know it yourself, you cannot imagine that this should be true. This is the good news Jesus was talking about. The solution to all of man's problems. So, accept your illness. Love yourself the way you are. Love this body, this ill, weak body. Love the weakness. Love the helplessness. And when you do this, your attention gets... it's like your attention is totally stuck there right now. You can't think about anything else all day long. Just love this. Say yes to this, as if you wanted it this way. Say: "Ah, my illness! Thank you for being here. Yes, I want it like this!"

And what happens then is that your attention gets freed up. It's not stuck there anymore like glue. And then, you are free to turn it inwards. Then, it will be easier for you to meditate. And then, the only thing you need is patience. And as I said: hearing these things might not be so helpful, but maybe you can feel what I'm talking about. Maybe... maybe you can experience something in you which tells you: "Yes, it sounds crazy, but, yes: I know this is true." And this experience you have while you're listening, that's the help. Not the words, forget the words, they... I love to talk, but what... the only thing which is really helpful is what you can sense in yourself while you're listening to me. Maybe you can feel my patience in you, my trust in you. Maybe you can experience in you right now a little bit of what I experience. And then you know: "Ah yes, it sounds crazy, but, yes, this is the way. I'll do that. I'll grow."

Thank you for your question, and thank you for your trust.

And I have a second letter, from Christopher. And he has two issues, and the first issue is basically very similar to what Elke just wrote. And I want to read the first part of his letter.

"After 32 years on the spiritual path, I have now found you. I enjoy immersing myself in your videos with your calm, thoughtful and persistent manner. The Samarpan Meditation calls something within me. Now, that our four kids are out of the house, I have two major construction sites in my life. The one is that my kidneys are not working well anymore, and I will need a new kidney soon if I still want to stay in the body. This scares me, because I don't know what will come next."

Thank you for your question, for your... that's not a question, that's a report... Christopher. Everything I just said to Elke applies to you too, and the solution, of course, is the same, as I just mentioned: "Meditate. Let this seed grow in you." And you know... there's another aspect to it. When you have a severe condition like yours, you begin to sense that this body is not forever. From the day we are born, it is absolutely certain that this body will die. We know it, but we don't give it much attention. We ignore this reality. We feel and we pretend to ourselves that this life will last forever. But it doesn't. These bodies, they will die. You say: you don't know what will come.

I can tell you what will come: you will die. Maybe not this year, maybe not next year, maybe you get a new kidney, or maybe your kidneys heal. Maybe what you experience right now will completely be solved and resolved, but you still will die. Your body will die. This what you think you are, that will die. So, you might as well make friends with this. Embrace death, right now. Death will come. Welcome him now. Make peace with dying. Say yes to dying. And if you do this, it's like you are getting a new life. I just said to Elke that... I suggested to her that she should accept her life circumstances, as if she wanted them exactly like this, because this frees up her attention, her consciousness, and then she can go inside.

And for you, it's... you know... what is the trouble about your failing kidneys? The body might die, sooner or later. Now, if you accept this; if you agree to this: "Yes, I will die. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe in 10 years. Maybe in 50 years. But I just pretend that death is in front of me right now, and I invite him in." And then it frees up your energy. It frees up your attention, and you can meditate easier: "Okay, yes, yes. I know: I will die. But that's fine. Now I want to meditate." And then, after meditation in the morning, you start your day. And then, this dark cloud of worry comes, and you say: "Ah, I know, I will die. I agree to this. I'm fine with this. Now I want to enjoy this day. Now I want to enjoy my work", or whatever you do.

And of course, you take care of the body as well as you can. This is natural. I'm not saying to ignore the circumstances. But if you are just neutral with it, if you don't worry about it, this is much easier. You will have a much easier time treating your body. And in some cases, the body even heals, because this worrying about the body, this worrying about death, is a huge burden on the body, and it can make the body sick. But if you are honestly in peace with it, it relieves the body from such a burden, and then it can heal as well as it's possible. For some bodies it's possible to heal from unhealable illnesses. For other bodies, it's not, but it doesn't matter. Once you make peace with it, it doesn't matter. Make peace with it, now, today!

You know, my life has not been free of trouble. I had my share of situations where I felt absolutely helpless, totally scared. But there is something... I don't know where I got it from, but this is really grace in my life: I was always willing to die. I don't know why. And because of this, I was... you know, I was scared, I felt helpless, and yet I wasn't in despair. I wasn't... I can't even say this, but I could say yes to the situation: "Okay, if this means I will die, okay, so be it." I never had a severe illness like your kidney condition, but I had times in my life where I did not know how I should continue supporting myself: no money. And then, this can be such an existential fear, but what is the bottom of this fear? "Okay, I can't buy food. Okay, I will die, I will starve to death."

It's very unlikely in Germany, or in whatever country you are when you are living in the West, that this is happening, but this is our fear. When you say: "Okay, I'm willing. I'm willing. Okay, I will starve to death." And suddenly, it's like... Soham, my spiritual Master, used this example. Whenever somebody came with these existential fears to him, he said: "Okay, what's at the end?" "I might die!" "Okay, can you say yes to this?" "Oh... yes, I can... I can say yes to dying." And then: such a relief. And Soham said: "this is pulling the teeth from the mouth of the tiger". This removes the root cause of the agony: "Okay, I'm willing to die."

But if you meditate, this is even much better, because meditation, as I said earlier to Elke, meditation will strengthen that in you which is not going to die. It doesn't help you to hear this from somebody. You have to experience it yourself. When this seed grows more and more... we had this image of these two lines: when this one line grows longer and longer, the other line doesn't get smaller, but it appears smaller and smaller, and at some point, it's insignificant. You feel independent of this body, and you are, but you don't know anything about it right now. And at some point, after you meditated a few years, you just know: "yes, this body will die, and of course, I say yes to this, to the death of this beautiful body." But it doesn't affect you. You just know this. It doesn't bother you at all. And that's why meditation is so so helpful. That's what I wanted to add you, although everything I said to Elke is actually also perfect for your life, Christopher.

But you have a second question, a second report, and I want to read this now, although it's already very late.

"My second construction site in my life, and the more difficult one for me, is that my son, who lived with us for 27 years, has now moved out, got married and became a father. And from one day to the next, he now wants nothing to do anymore with me, with my wife, with the siblings and grandparents. Without us knowing the reason, he has completely disappeared into his wife's family, so to speak. My wife and siblings are suffering a lot, and I am also suffering, although I am aware that we are all one big human family, and we have to let go of everyone, including our children."

Thank you. This is what I meant earlier: as long as we pay attention to the circumstances of our life, as long as the seed didn't sprout, there will always be something which makes our life miserable, always. If your kidneys heal, if your son returns, there will be the next thing, so meditate. But I want to talk about this anyway, because it's such... Thank you for this report. This is something so many people experience.

Parents experience it with their children, it's a big issue. The children just cut off contact and they just disappear. And it also happens in relationship, when you're being abandoned, when you're being left. Suddenly you are alone, and you don't even know why, and you're just suffering. You're really in suffering. So, this is something everybody knows. And you know, I find it interesting. I always like...

I'm an engineer, and engineering helps me very much on my spiritual path. In engineering, you are concerned about how things really work. And when something doesn't work, you look for the root cause. You don't patch something over; you want to know the cause: why is it a problem? Why did this problem appear? And how can I prevent it in the future? That's good engineering.

And in life, most people don't look at the real cause. They don't look at what's really going on, they just want to get rid of the problem. They treat the symptoms and not the root cause. When the son leaves, they tell the son: "Why don't you talk to me anymore? I'm suffering because of you! I love you!" But you don't ask yourself: "Why am I suffering? There is this human being; this human being lives his life and goes away, and I'm suffering! Why am I suffering? What's going on in me that this fact makes me suffer? It even affects me even more than my failing kidneys!" Isn't this interesting?

That's how I look at such things. When I have strong pain in my heart, or if my body has symptoms, I always wonder: where is it coming from? Why is it happening? So, what's going on? The way I see it is this: your son disappears into his life, and he abandons you basically. He separates, at least right now. And you don't get his attention anymore, no contact, not even an explanation. An explanation would also be some sort of attention, like: "hey, dad, I live my life, but I love you, everything is fine." No, he just disappears. He withdraws his attention from you and he's gone. And you suffer. You want his attention. You want his love, I don't know...

And basically, it's the same with all these human interactions. If you live in a relationship and your partner leaves you, of course you know that the partner is a free human being and can do whatever he or she wants; but when this person leaves, you just suffer. And the reason for this is... the root cause... if you really get down to the bottom of it, is very simple, and it's like this... the game is: I give you my attention, that what I call love, and you give me your attention, and then I'm happy. I make you happy, you make me happy.

We don't know how to make ourselves happy. We feel that we depend on others, on the circumstances, on life, like with your body, with your kidneys, but also with other people. And we don't know how to make ourselves happy. We don't know anything about our inside, about our soul. I said earlier that your attention is like God energy, it's like Divine energy, and where you put this, that will grow. And if you put it to your inside, your inside will grow, your soul grows. This seed is sprouting, and growing into a huge tree.

But normally, we don't know anything about this inside direction. We have no clue what that could mean. So, here you are, you have this Godly attention, your consciousness, but you don't know where to go with it. The only direction you know is the outside. And now a funny, a very very funny game starts. You don't know anything about your inside, you don't know anything about your soul, you don't know how to support this, your attention goes to the outside, to those people we call our loved ones, to our family and friends.

And because you cannot live without this Godly energy, without this Godly attention, you will need it from other people. You get it from your son, from your wife, from your friends, from your siblings, from your parents. And it works in a way, but it's a very very fragile game, because this game depends on both sides doing their job. The other people give me attention, I give my attention to other people. If we do this, and if everybody plays along, somehow everybody gets what they need, but it's a very fragile game. We engineers call this an "instable balance": if one side does it a little bit wrong, the whole balance tips, and you're in trouble. And that's what's happening with you right now: your son doesn't play the game anymore, he just does what he wants, and immediately, you feel the effect. Now isn't this interesting? You're a grown-up man, you have four kids, and you suffer because your child goes his way.

Now, when you put your attention where it belongs; if you take this God energy, this consciousness you are... that's the only thing you have, I said earlier, this attention... if you take this, and instead of wasting it on the outside, you put it to you, to your inside, what happens is that slowly, slowly, you will give yourself what you need, so to speak. You will love yourself. You will start sprouting this seed in you. And that's where the meditation, the Samarpan Meditation, helps you with. It's one way to learn to put your attention to the inside. It does many other things, but that's one of them. And then, slowly, slowly, you give yourself this energy, this attention, this God love. You give it to yourself. And you start growing; you start getting full. And then, you don't need it from the outside anymore.

And that's why all the human interrelationships of people who are growing inside become... these relationships become easier, simply... it's not that they become better people or people who are easier to be with, no. You become a person who doesn't depend on the other people anymore, and then, everything becomes easier. If you don't need anything from your son, it doesn't matter what he does, you will be happy, you will be happy with him. It doesn't matter where he is. It doesn't matter whether you even know where he is, you're just happy; happy with yourself, and happy with him.

And that's the root cause of the suffering you and your family experience right now. We all play this really kind of sick game. You play this game: "Okay, I don't take care of myself, I don't know how to do this, and it's forbidden anyway. I take care of you. But in return, you must take care of myself, otherwise, it doesn't work." And when you stop this sick game; when you start taking care of yourself, give you attention to yourself, and you meditate regularly; when you turn your attention away from the circumstances of your life and more to the inside, then this all will be resolved.

Now, this is something you can't imagine in the beginning. You think: "How is this supposed to work?" You don't know at all how this should be possible. It sounds like a fairy tale, but when you start meditating, you will begin to have little experiences which will show you: "Ah wow, interesting, something changes... something is really different. It's amazing!" You don't know how it's possible, but you experience it. And also now, when you listen to me talking about it, maybe you have a little bit of resonance somewhere inside of you where you know: "Yes, I know, it sounds totally crazy, but I know... I know: this is the way."

This is also why so many people in the world love Jesus. Jesus talks about things which sound to us totally outrageous and crazy. We have no clue how what he talks about should ever be possible. For us, it's like a fairy tale. And yet we know in ourselves: he's right. We just know it. You hear the truth, you don't know anything about it, you don't know how this is supposed to be possible, you have no clue how you should do this, and yet... you hear it and you know: "Yes, he's speaking the truth. Yes, it is like this."

That's the grace of this situation you are in, that your son causes you the suffering, so to speak. Of course, he doesn't cause this. It's your own conditioning, your own condition which causes the suffering, but that's how it looks like. That you are in the suffering throws you back onto yourself. That your son is so radical throws you back onto yourself, and it forces you to look: "Hey, what's going on with me? He's gone, he doesn't listen to me, he doesn't listen to my demands, he doesn't want to hear about my suffering, so what am I going to do?" And that's a good thing.

Same with the health issues: it forces you to look at the root cause. We want to ignore the root cause as long as possible, but then you come in your life at a point where life forces you to look at it, and then that becomes possible which will heal all of this. Start meditating, or continue meditating, if you already do. And the only thing you need is patience. This seed grows. It will grow. It needs least a little bit of time, that's all. That's why I make videos: to remind you again and again how it works, and to give you my patience. That's all you need.

And I want to tell you a little story about my life, because when I read your letter, my heart jumped to your son. Because I am the same... I was the same in my life. He disappears into the family of his wife, and this is exactly what I did. And I did it not only once, I did it three times. I often say: I'm really stupid. I'm really stupid, and I mean it. I had to do those things over and over again until I slowly realized what's really going on. And I did this, you know. When I got married the first time, it wasn't with 27. I married the first time when I was 21. And not only did I get married and disappeared into the family of my then wife, I also made a job decision which was freaking my mother totally out. And I disappeared into a totally different world. I was just gone. And I did this many times.

And you know... when I remember myself back at that time when I was 20, 21... there was nothing of my own. I didn't have my own life. I didn't know anything about myself. I didn't know what I wanted. I didn't know what I liked, what I didn't like. I fell in love and I just liked what my wife liked. I loved what my wife loved, and of course I loved her family. I had nothing of my own. Inside of me, there was only emptiness. And because of this, I happily threw myself into my wife's family, into my wife's life, so to speak, because I didn't have a ground of my own, a life of my own.

And you know, it is like this: when you don't know yourself... and I didn't know myself back then... when you don't know yourself, you are not in peace with yourself. If you don't know yourself, you are not in peace with your parents and with your siblings and with your family, and in a way, you have to leave them. I remember: back then, I found my family... I was sick of my family. I found them so difficult and so crazy and so wrong. And the family of my wife appeared to me so harmonious and so beautiful. It was such a relief for me to leave my own family behind and to enter this new family. I was so happy. Of course, not for long. Not long, and I discovered: "Wow, these people are just as crazy and just as weird as my own family." But I didn't see this in the beginning. And then, after a few years, I got divorced, and then, a few years later, the same thing happened again, and again.

And this whole game only stopped when at some point, by some grace, life forced me to turn inwards. Life forced me to realize: "Okay, no matter how often I try, no matter how stubborn I am, it's not out there. Happiness is not where I look for it. I don't know where it is, but it's not there." And I started turning inwards, and soon later, I met my spiritual master Soham. And I began to discover myself, slowly, slowly, over the years. It took me many years, 10 years, 15 years, 20 years, to get to know myself.

And I discovered, I'm not the way I thought I should be. I'm not the way everybody else thinks I should be. I'm totally different. I'm impossible. And slowly, slowly, I made peace with myself. As I said, it took years. And the more peace I was able to make with myself, the more I could be inside, and the more beautiful my life became. And something interesting happened: the more I made peace for myself, the more I realized: "Oh my God, I just am like my crazy parents." I found them so wrong for so many years, and there I was, finding out... The more I could see myself, the more I discovered: I'm not that different than them. I'm just as crazy.

But the more peace I made with myself, simultaneously, I made peace with my parents, because they are just like me. I am 99 percent of my parents. Maybe one percent is unique about myself, the rest is all parents or family. So, I made peace with myself, and then I made peace with my parents. And the more peace I had made with myself, the easier I got along with my parents and with my family. But I had to go my own way. It was such a blessing for me that I did all this nonsense; that I did everything wrong; because at the end, I discovered myself and then I returned as a whole human being. And now I don't care. I just love my parents. I just love them totally. My father is long dead and I totally love him. My mother is still alive, she's totally crazy, and I totally love her, because I am totally crazy and I love myself. I'm really crazy. I'm really a really funny guy, and I do everything wrong.

And now, at the end, I want to tell you a story about your son which is in the Bible. In the Bible, there is this story I really like... I don't know, what is this in English? The Prodigal Son, the Lost Son. And the story goes like this: There was a man who had two sons. The one son did everything right. He pleased the father wherever he could. He did everything right. And then, there was this other son. But this son was different. He didn't obey the father. He caused trouble all the time. And then, at some point, he asked the father: "Father, give me my inheritance, give me my part of the inheritance. I want to go into the world and do my own thing."

And the father gave him his part of the inheritance, and the son went away into the world. And he did everything wrong. He lost the whole inheritance on stupid things. He totally did everything wrong, and he came to this point where he had no hope anymore. He didn't know what to do anymore.

And in his darkest hour, he remembered his father. And he said: "Ah, my father! I'll return to my father." And he turned around and he was looking for his father. And when the servants of the father saw the son in the distance coming back, they rushed to the father. They said: "Lord, your son who was lost, he's coming back."

And every time I tell the story, also two hours ago in the German version, I have to cry. This story touches me so very much. The servants rushed to the father. The father heard: his son is returning, the wrong son who did everything wrong, he's returning. He said to the servants: "Get the biggest bull! Prepare a feast! I want to celebrate! My son is back!" And the other son, who does everything right and who stayed home, he said: "What's going on? I do everything right, and he who does everything wrong, who causes so much pain, he's being celebrated."

And this story is very much misunderstood. Most people think that this story tells us that God... of course, the "father" is God in the story... most people think the story says: even if you're wrong, even if you do everything wrong, God still loves you. But this is not the truth, this is not what this story is about. This story is about that you must leave the father. You must go your own stupid way. You must do it wrong. You must lose everything. Only then, God will be happy. Only then, you will discover God.

The story goes: "In his darkest hour, he remembered his father." And that's how we are. We go our stupid ways, and in every video, I encourage you: "be yourself, go your way, it doesn't matter whether it's wrong or right, you don't know what the right way is. You have to follow your way, and through your own way, you will discover God, you will discover the way to the inside." And then, when that happens, the whole existence is celebrating you. And the whole existence rushes to your help and to your support.

And that's how life works. You have to follow your way. You have to abandon everything you know. You have to do everything wrong. You have to cause pain to everybody and still go your own way. And if you are like that, then you will find God. That's how it was for me, in my life. It's not that God "still" loves you, no. You must be like this; then, then God can love you. If you do everything right, you will cause no trouble for anybody, and nothing happens in your life, nothing. You don't discover anything. And that's what your son is doing. He goes his way, and I bless him, and I'm so happy to hear this. I'm so happy that he does it; like, he has to do it. It will lead him into the right direction. And he will discover God. He will discover himself. It's inevitable, if you are like this. And he will be supported.

There's another story, the story of the black sheep, of the lost sheep. The story goes like... it's way too late, but I have to tell you the story. These two stories are probably my most favorite stories from the Bible. The story goes like this: a shepherd had a hundred sheep, and one sheep... one day, one sheep, the strongest, the biggest sheep, got lost. And the shepherd, he didn't hesitate, he left the 99 sheep behind, and he went on the search for the one sheep which got lost. And then, after a long search, he found the sheep, and he took the sheep into his arms and he said to the sheep: "I love you more than the 99".

And that's the same story. Once in a while, a human being is so strong and so big, that he has no other choice than to go his own way. It's the wrong way. Everybody thinks it's wrong. He himself thinks it's wrong. But he has no choice. He has to run away. He has to go on his own path which feels totally stupid, totally wrong, and everybody agrees. But it's these humans God rushes after, rejoices: "Yes, I love you. Go on! I'm with you!" And then, when they find God, the whole existence celebrates.

That's how life is. And when you did your homework... when you remain with your attention inside, when you become strong and nourished out of God, out of your own God energy which you discover through the meditation, then you don't need your son, and you can let your son go freely on his path, no matter what it means to you. In a way, we can only love our children when we don't need them at all. Of course, this is also true in any relationship. If you need your partner, you can't love him or her. But if you yourself are so big and so strong, so God-like, you can let your son go his way. And when he returns, when he finds God, then he finds himself, you will be so happy. There's nothing better for a father than a child who discovers himself.

I know I'm talking too long today, but there is one more thing I have to tell you. When I did this in my life, when I left my family, when I was lost... I was totally lost, I didn't know myself, I had no clue about life... my parents didn't tell me: "What are you doing?" My parents didn't tell me: "Come back." My parents didn't tell me: „Why don't you call? Why don't you stay in contact? We are suffering!"

My mother... I remember my mother... I know that it was difficult for her, just like it is for you. She saw me entering a profession where she thought it's terrible. She saw me entering this marriage and disappearing into the family of this woman and she thought it's terrible. She was in such pain, but she didn't say a word. It's not that she was silently grudging me, no. You know, when that happened, when I married the first time... this was in 1984, I think, 40 years from today. And back then, at that time, spirituality was something nobody knew. Today, everybody talks about spirituality and about Gurus and enlightenment and the soul. 40 years ago, this was unheard of.

But my mother, at that time, already had a Guru; a Guru lady, since seven years. When I was 13, my mother came to a Guru. She learned to discover herself. She learned to meditate. I don't know what they did back then, but she learned some way to realize God. And when I went on my way, she was able to let me go freely. Of course, it was painful for her, she's a mother, but she was able to be with it herself. She didn't need me to comfort her. She didn't need me to change, so she wouldn't have pain. She didn't need me to be happy.

It was a miracle. I had a mother who already was on that path herself, and that's why she could truly, freely, let me go. You write in your letter: "you know that the parents should let their children free." Yes, we know this. But as long as we feel that we need them, we can't do this, so you have to do your homework. You have to become free yourself. You have to discover yourself. You have to meditate. And then, the seed grows. And then, you don't need anybody anymore, not your son, not your partner, not your wife, and then, everything becomes easy and beautiful.

So, if you want to support your son, take care of yourself; become happy yourself. That's the best, the biggest support you can give your son, because then you don't need him anymore; then, this letting him go happens truly, honestly, naturally. And then he can go his way. And one day, you will be so happy about this.

I have to stop, I'm at the end of my strength. Thank you for your question, and thank you for letting me answer.

And if you, who is listening right now... if you have a question, or if you have circumstances in your life which you find difficult... if you don't know what to do, and if you want me to say something about it, please write to me. You know, for me it is like this: when life changes, when life becomes easy, when you discover God, when you discover yourself, it happens in a way that it's just normal for you. You don't even know anymore what to talk about. Miracles happen in life, but they are normal for you, so you don't notice. So, it's hard for me sometimes to speak about these things, but when I get reports from other people, when I get questions, that inspires me. Then I remember my own life. I remember my own agony, all the troubles I experienced, all the situations which were normal in my life, just as they are in your life. And then, I can talk about it again, otherwise, I don't remember, it's just gone. So, when you write to me, and when you give me the opportunity to speak to you, I love this, because this is such an inspiration for me.

So, if you have questions: on my website, you find the information how to write to me, and I would be delighted to receive your letter.

Thank you that you are here. Thank you for listening.

I love you.