German Live Chat Satsang of November 2023
Getting more and more lost in the self, and love flows more and more.
German with English subtitles.
Topics: Traumas. Dealing with feelings. Resistance against what is. The source of love and acceptance. Psychosomatic clinic. From guilt and hate to compassion. Losing the moment again and again. Is this your love? Can anyone awaken? Does meditation lead to enlightenment? Meditating together. Meditating in the evening? Dealing with narcissists.
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Full translated transcript for reading along
Please note: this video has English subtitles.
I'm looking forward to this live chat tonight. If you don't know me yet, I make videos about my life and what I experienced in this life with my master, with my guru, and I answer questions here in the live chat; if you have any, you are welcome to write your question in the chat of the transmission on YouTube, and then Swantje will read out your question, and I will answer it. And in between I will also read out questions that have reached me via e-mail for this chat. And otherwise, I answer questions in my videos; you can find information about that in the description of this broadcast. Yes, and now I'm looking forward to it. Swantje, is there anything you could read out yet?
Swantje: "Yes, there is already something."
Dhyan Mikael: "Yes, beautiful."
Swantje: Strange Bob writes: "Good evening, dear community."
Dhyan Mikael: Good evening. Nice to have you here.
Swantje: And Sunny writes: "Thank you, Mikael, for being here. I especially like Satsang with you. Currently there is strong restlessness, retraumatization from childhood by a so-called narcissistic partner. Do you have a tip?"
Dhyan Mikael: Thank you. What we experience today when you.... You say you have a narcissistic partner, and your childhood trauma is touched by that, and that's a good thing. We carry these old things that we couldn't deal with in childhood around with us all our lives without really being in touch with it. I have that too. And at some point, when we're old enough, when we've become strong enough in our being, and that can take a very long time, then something happens in our life today, whereby that is touched and can come to the surface again.
Only now we are no longer little children, but bigger and more grown up and stronger and more independent, and now we can deal better with these ancient, preserved feelings and traumas. They're still very intense, of course, but now is a good time for that when it comes up. So, the partner that you have, it doesn't just happen to be in your life, but it's just right for this time that's in your life right now. It needs all your attention. It helps you if you don't blame your partner now, but welcome whatever it triggers in you, however that is possible for you. That might sound like a big challenge, but: really welcome what's coming up now. That's good that this is coming up now.
I remember when that was up for me. It was now... I don't know, 25 years ago, when my childhood trauma came knocking on my door. And that was tough, of course, but I could deal with it. As a child, of course not. And that's all right. It's all just right. Our soul is saving it for us until we're ready, and now is the time. Make time for it. Make space for it, inside you. Be patient. Seek help when you need it. But if you can find that basic attitude within you: "Okay, yes! Now I say yes," to what's coming in you there; that's really helpful. And it's my experience with my trauma and with other intense experiences in my life: when something like that is ticked and awakened, it feels incredibly big. For us today, it feels like we felt as a child. Back then the world stood still for us, but now we're big and we have more possibilities. And my experience is: it passes relatively quickly, a few years, and you digest it and process it.
And then a new life begins, a life without this dormant trauma. For me, that was a turning point in my life, a really good point, a fruitful point. And if you can see it that way, that nothing is wrong, but that this is really something good now: that's also helpful for you.
And focus on yourself, not on your partner. He's not important at all right now. Maybe that will give you some kind of inspiration, that will help you in your situation. And: I know it, and you're not alone. Thank you for your question.
Swantje: Mikael, how did you realize that you were finished with the processing? Did no more topics come up, or how was that?
Dhyan Mikael: You're actually never really finished with the processing. You always carry certain things around with you. It's like... I always fell down as a child. Always on the same hill I raced down to the playground and fell.... Every time I did that, I fell down, always on the same knee, and I still have the scar today, and it will never go away. And it's the same with these internal scars. But they... how can I describe it? They don't knock us down anymore. The overwhelming pain, it becomes quiet at some point and is simply loved, and it simply becomes quieter. And then there are always situations in my life where I realize: "yes yes, that's me, that's where it comes from...", but it's no longer explosive. It doesn't scare me anymore. I'm still affected by it occasionally, but I'm no longer crippled. I've grown from it and I have a scar. I'm kind of limping, but that's okay.
Swantje: Johanna Kirchhoff writes: "I was allowed to find you via Stefan Hiene. A wonderful gift. Best wishes from Vancouver Island.
Dhyan Mikael: Wow! I salute to Vancouver. And I thank Stefan Hiene for the wonderful people he sent me. I'm really happy. It's great that you're here!
Swantje: And then Ariane Mai says hello: "Nice to see you here. I was able to discover you through Stefan Hiene."
Dhyan Mikael: Hello Ariane! Yes, a warm welcome to you too.
Swantje: And Nara Simha writes: "Hi Mikael. Here appears deep insecurity and great guilt. Can you say something about that? Thank you."
Dhyan Mikael: Is that the same person who just asked the question about the trauma?
Swantje: Now Nara Simha is asking, another person.
Dhyan Mikael: Ah okay, thank you. I just don't want to mix it up. Then please read them again.
Swantje: "Here appears deep insecurity and great guilt. Can you say something about that?"
Dhyan Mikael: Oh yes, I can say something about that. These are my friends: guilt, insecurity. I could say a lot about it now, because I know the feelings. I was always a totally insecure person as a child, as a teenager, as a young adult, and I'm still often insecure, but you can't tell anymore because I made friends with it many years ago, with this feeling. And the same goes for guilt: we feel responsible for how other people are doing, and we just feel guilty. I know that very well. And what doesn't help at all is to think about where that comes from and what you can do differently. That's not what these feelings are for. These feelings are there for you to make friends with them.
There is this beautiful poem by... Is it not by Rumi? Who says: one is like an inn, and the feelings are the guests who come, and one opens the door and lets the guests in, as long as they want to stay, and make them as comfortable as you can, and then they move on. And if you feel insecure, just say yes to that feeling. Our normal reaction is: we want to not have it. The uncertainty, the insecurity unsettles us, and we don't even know what we should do. But just say "yes" to it: "Okay, come here. Come on my lap." Letting yourself be touched by this feeling, that changes everything.
Soham, my spiritual master, he advised me to do that 20 years ago, and he said then: if you don't reject the uncertainty and send it away into the cold out, but invites it in and takes it on your lap and gives it attention and love, inside, then it no longer feels insecure. And that's exactly how it is. And it's exactly the same with the feeling of guilt. These feelings are triggered because there is something in us that we didn't want to have before. And then things happen in our outer life to evoke those feelings in us, until we say "yes".
And it's my experience... In the beginning you think: "What? You want me to say yes to that? That's not possible at all! That's just not possible!" But we never tried it. Close your eyes... you can do that now... close your eyes and see where, you feel that feeling in you; where in your body that is sitting right now... and let it be there. Say, "Yeah, okay, you don't have to be afraid anymore. I'm not going to send you away now. Just stay there." Then you will notice how this feeling immediately relaxes a little. And then you can really give it space inside you, very quietly, without a story, you know; without thinking about what it triggered and what it wants to tell you. No. Just like taking a child on your lap.
These feelings are your children. To the extent that you give it your loving attention and not thinking about it, to that extent it loses this sharpness, this feeling, and suddenly you realize "Oh, I don't need to be afraid of it at all. It's just a feeling." An intense feeling, yes, but a feeling that you can feel. And that you can really practice. When I learned that 20 years ago, my whole inner emotional life changed, because after a relatively short time I realized: I don't need to be afraid of my feelings. Then it's almost like those feelings bring you something. Try it out. Try it out for a few days and see how you feel then; whether you understand what I mean. You feel really gifted after a while, like these feelings are bringing a part of yourself back to you, and that's how it is. And be patient with yourself. Just when you start to learn to see these feelings not more as a problem and as an enemy, but as a beloved welcome guest.... You just have to practice it for a while, but then it's easy. Thank you for asking me. Thank you.
Swantje: Ella Bella writes: "Hello you dear soul. How do I deal with the resistance with what is?"
Dhyan Mikael: Thank you. That's a beautiful question. First of all, with a lot of patience. You know we grew up like this; we know nothing else. All people live in resistance with what is, all but one percent. And we've been doing that for generations, actually since the beginning of humanity. And now we're at a time on this planet where we've discovered: "Oh, there's another way!" And that's why we need patience in the first place. You read spiritual books or hear clever people who say: "accept everything", and that's also a good idea, that really is the key to happiness. Swamiji, my guru, said the other day, "When the person learns to accept everything, all his problems disappear," and he means it exactly that way. And that's my experience: it's the same. It's true. If you can say "yes" to everything, then life is so different, so easy, so beautiful. People who don't say "yes" can't even imagine that. They say, "no no, I can't say 'yes'; then my life goes down the drain." But the opposite is the case.
And you heard that somewhere. You also feel: "yes, that's a good idea", but that doesn't make the resistance go away. And my recommendation is: start small. Don't make it a new way of life, that doesn't work. It's like... it's like a habit, you know, this habit of saying "no" to everything, rejecting everything. And then you can start with very small things and practice saying "yes" to them; to what life just serves up to you: simply say "yes" to that. Something happens, a hammer falls on your foot, and instead of swearing about it now and making yourself look stupid and not wanting the pain, you think: "ah, it hurts. I could say 'yes' to that right now." Or you do something stupid, you cook and spill something: "Ah, okay, I'm a scatterbrain. Yes, I'm a scatterbrain. That's how I know myself. Yeah, I've been doing that all my life.... Now I love myself so much, as scatterbrained as I am."
Start with the little things that come up all by themselves in everyday life and give you an opportunity to practice saying this "yes" to yourself. And in all the other areas where you can't say "yes", where you are in resistance be patient with yourself, infinitely patient. You know, just the fact that you see: "Wow, I have resistance, wow! And I wish I could say yes, but I can't." If you can say that, then you're almost there. Seeing that, you don't have to worry much anymore. Now just practice a bit more. And like I said: start with the little things.
And life gives you enough opportunities to do that every day, at least it does for me. I do so many stupid things. And I sometimes say in my videos: "I'm really brainwashed and stupid", and then people write to me: "but Mikael, that's not true at all!" But you have no idea. You know yourself how it is, you know yourself how it is: you're simply impossible and actually do everything wrong. Luckily no one else sees it. And you see your own impossibilities, and not mine, but I see mine. So, in the areas where you are in resistance be patient with yourself, love yourself as you are, with your resistance. Say "yes" to the resistance. If you start resisting the resistance now, that doesn't make it any better. And I promise you: that's enough. That's enough. It goes on and on very gradually. This acceptance in the very small things, that spreads further and further, unstoppably. That's my experience. And it doesn't take long. Thank you for your question.
Swantje: Ella Bella writes to your current answer: "Yes, that's right. Thank you very much."
Dhyan Mikael: So very much.
Swantje: And Dorotea writes: "Dear Mikael, through what did you become so loving, accepting or have you always been devotional? "
Dhyan Mikael: I'm very touched by that now. Spontaneously I wanted to answer: that came through Soham, he made me so loving; he taught me to love my feelings: what I recommended earlier. He taught me, from the very beginning. And that's how I learned to love myself, to accept myself as I am. I just told you: I'm just as much a cuss as all of you, like you. I learned to love myself. And once I had learned to love myself, it went on and on, and then... once you start to accept yourself as you are, and you know your own scatterbrainedness and mistakes and shortcomings best of all, then it becomes easier and easier to love all others. And when you've really accepted yourself; when you've learned that, then loving the world, that's already happened. The hardest thing is to love yourself. And that's what he taught me, with infinite patience.
And I'm so slow. It took me so long. But it doesn't matter, I had enough time. And when I had learned a bit from him after 15 or 20 years, I realized that I was actually this gentleness and with this acceptance had already been born in this life; that I had somehow brought with me, probably from my last life. I'm not such a spiritual person now, I can't really say anything about it, but in the meantime I'm sure that it must be so. And he taught me through his wisdom.... By teaching me to love myself, he has helped me to rediscover what I brought with me. None of this is my doing. I feel it's a tremendous gift, a great blessing in my life, that I can embody that in this life in such a way. It's incredibly beautiful. But it's not because I'm so wise or so cool.
You have the same qualities. I would say times: All people who start to be interested in the way inward; all people who discover their traumas; all people who realize that they have resistance; all people who realize that they have feelings they don't want, are already so sensitive, so much more sensitive than all the other people around... we were all born with this gentleness and sensitivity this whole crowd of humanity that is heading in this direction now. I am maybe three steps further than you and can therefore encourage you: "yes, that is good, that's a really great quality. " There was once a wise man who said: "You can only see in others what you carry within yourself." Thank you.
Swantje: Anbil writes: "Am currently in a psychosomatic day clinic. Does this strengthen the ego, or is it good for the awakening process?"
Dhyan Mikael: Oh, don't worry at all about what strengthens the ego, really don't. We have this weird idea that we have to do certain things or avoid certain things in order to not but the part of us that thinks about this thing and worries about it is of course the ego. Don't think about it. If this is good for you, then be grateful for this clinic. Just take all the help you can get in life to make it easier for you and to make it easier for you. It's all a help. We don't need to make it difficult for ourselves. And you don't have to fight yourself, or your ego. Make it really easy for yourself.
And sometimes I have the feeling that when it comes to spirituality that certain things.... that you pretend that don't fit in: if you have psychological problems or are undergoing therapy or are taking psychotropic drugs or are perhaps in a psychosomatic clinic or... But that's all nonsense. We're humans, we have all these challenges, and you can take any help, accept any help, that's out there. That's what it's there for. Don't worry about your ego, not at all.
There's this beautiful story of the man.... There's a flood in the land, a great flood. The water rises more and more, and at some point, the water up to the roof of the house, and the man climbs onto the roof and prays to God: "Please save me, please save me, I don't want to drown!" And after a while, a rowboat comes by with a fireman who says, "Come on, man, I'll take her" But he says, "No, keep going, God will save me." And then the water keeps rising and rising, and then at some point a ship comes by from the police and wants to take the man away, and he says: "No, it's okay, I'll wait for God, he'll save me." At the end the water is up to the gable. Then a helicopter comes and wants to pull the man up with a winch, and he says: "No, keep flying, I'm waiting for God!" And then he drowns. Then he goes to Heaven and the first thing he does is complain to God and say, "What was going on? Why didn't you save me?" And God says to him, "So listen: first I send you the guy with the rowboat, then the ship, and in the end, I sent you a helicopter, and you said no every time."
I'm telling you this because we have this idea that somehow there's help that's spiritual and help that's not spiritual, but that's nonsense, there's no such thing. Make it easy for yourself. Say yes to the help you're getting. I think it's great. A psychosomatic clinic like this, it gives you a breather; it gives you a little place where you can rest for a few hours. All the best, and enjoy the time.
Swantje: Nara Simha asks, "How do I go from guilt and self-loathing to compassion. That seems almost impossible."
Dhyan Mikael: That's impossible too. No one said you should go from hate and guilt to compassion. Hate was that, did he say that? It's not about moving from hate and guilt to compassion. If there's hate, then be with the hate. That's just that: love what's there. To stay with the words of my master Soham that I mentioned earlier: when hate is no longer hated, then it slowly stops hating. I like these pictures. But it really is like that. You realize: you have this hatred, you can only marvel, and you don't even know where it comes from. You just know: you don't want to have it. And that's what hate hates. It's really about: when you're feeling hate and guilt, don't think about compassion.
Compassion comes by learning to love the hate, your hate; to love your guilt as if you were really guilty. People always try to figure out that they're not really guilty, and they think that will make the guilt go away, but that's not true. Feel those feelings like you're really like that; like you're really guilty. Invite them in and feel the feelings, through and through. Have compassion for yourself. Have compassion for those feelings. Be there for those feelings, as if you were their mom. No mom would ever send her child away, no matter how they act. And that's how you deal with those feelings. You learn compassion through these feelings, through nothing else. Compassion is not an ideal that you somehow discover and learn. Compassion is a result of very slowly beginning to love yourself as you are: with hate, with feelings of guilt, with all that human stuff.
And we've learned: we're supposed to be different: "Be different! Don't feel that way! Don't say that! Don't be like that!" And we're still doing that to ourselves today. And it's like such an about-face, you know.... Like you stop inside yourself, to even look at these feelings that are inside you for the first time, to look them in the face: "Ah, okay. Yeah, okay. Come here." Have compassion for the hate, have compassion for the guilt, and be patient. I know, that feels impossible, but it's not true. Well, if I can learn it, then you can learn it too, really. And don't fall into this trap of wanting to have a different feeling. Having compassion is of course a great thing, sounds totally spiritual.
I can remember some Satsangs of my master Soham, they were very special Satsangs, where this person, this master, radiated such compassion. And people were asking him, "What is it that we feel about you?" And I know him, I basically lived with him, and I knew: he had such a shitty day, he had such a hard time with himself and his feelings. And what he did there was what he advised everyone else to do: say "yes" to himself. Saying yes to his feelings. Saying yes to your condition, having compassion for yourself. And from the outside, no one has seen these difficult feelings that he says "yes" to on the inside. From the outside, one has only seen this "yes" this compassion that he has practiced towards his own feelings.
That's how compassion arises, just like that. That's the natural way. That's how it happens. And that's how I do it; that's what I learned from him. Not an hour goes by where I don't do something stupid: "yes, that's how I know him, Mikael, yes." Love yourself, have compassion for yourself. And if you learn that even a little bit, then you'll be amazed to realize, "Wow, then I love everyone else too!" This way around it works. Thank you for your question. It really touches me, because I know it so well from my own experience.
Swantje: Cornelia writes: "Dear Mikael, could you please say something about the present moment or presence? I keep getting lost in the things of everyday life and can only be in the present moment so briefly. Thank you."
Dhyan Mikael: Thank you, Cornelia. What you're describing is the experience of every single human being and also of me. It's like this: it's not possible to stay in the moment. If you're in the moment, there's no one who can watch out that you don't fall out of the moment again, so to speak. So, you can't get into the moment and then stay there. You can get into the moment, the moment you realize that you're somewhere else again. And you probably know this: you have this feeling: "Ah, I'm all the way here", and it feels wonderful. Of course, you think, "This is where I'm going to stay forever," and the next thing you notice is that you've been in thought for 10 minutes. Then you think: "Oops, how could that happen to me? I'm totally lost in thought again!"
And then just don't reproach yourself; just get back to the moment as best you can: that's possible for us in these moments when we notice it, and only in these moments. And that then becomes more and more habitual. There are two things you can do to be more and more in the moment. One is that you say "yes" to everything as it is; what we have already addressed several times in this live chat. The more I've practiced being okay with everything that is here at the moment, the less the tendency to escape, because what's there, because it doesn't suit me. The second thing we can practice is: whenever we notice that we are no longer in the moment: to return there, we can do that.
And the more non-judgmental we do that, the better we can learn that. So, you realize, "Oops, now I wasn't in the moment at all, I completely lost myself." And now you can really beat yourself up: "Why am I so stupid? I should be able to do it already! I've been practicing this for 5 years now..." But of course, that's not helpful at all. That's not being in the moment, that's slipping away even deeper. No! As soon as you realize that, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, and it is: just go back: "Ah, I could come back", so quietly, so quietly without judgment, without reproach, so simply return as easily as possible, and that again and again, a hundred times, a thousand times, a million times, again and again. You know, we act like we're stupid, and like that's his the most natural thing in the world, and we think: "Everyone else can do it, except me:" Isn't that right? But I said it earlier: we're learning something here that we've never learned before, that we've never tried before.
For hundreds of lifetimes, maybe even thousands of lifetimes, we have opposite, and the whole society, all the people around us, always encourage us in the opposite. And so far, it was the case that only very few people on the earth, always just a few... some who had completely withdrawn from this world, which is so crazy... those, they learned it somehow after decades of practicing. But the rest, the rest of the planet, has always been like this.
And now we live in a time... you may not even realize what an incredibly blessed time we live in... We are now living in a time where this suddenly becomes possible for people like you and me, here in society, who have a job family, friends, who work and are just normal.... Suddenly we learn what only these ascetics used to learn somewhere in some cave hundreds of miles away from the nearest civilization: we learn it now in the midst of life. And it's not hard to learn. It's quite natural to learn that. It takes just a little time, a few years. You've been practicing the opposite for 100 lifetimes now, and in this lifetime, if you're 40 right now, 40 years of the opposite too, and now you're starting to practice that for the first time: being in the moment.
And with spiritual things like that, we all somehow have this feeling: "But we should already be able to do that!" When you learn to play the piano, you don't expect that the next day you'll be able to play a symphony flawlessly; you know: it takes years. But with something like "being in the moment" or "saying yes to the feelings" or "having compassion for yourself", we think, "Yeah, why can't I do that yet?" But that's a much bigger and also a much more important challenge than playing the piano or other things we take a lot of time for. Give yourself time. It's all okay. This whole life is exactly for that.
You're just discovering the meaning of this life: learning to be in the moment. And then you discover everything else I always talk about. I've actually just talked about it so much right now to make you kind of feel like, "It's perfectly okay where you are." Just practice. Just keep practicing like you have all the time in the world to do just that. And the more patient you are with yourself, the more you are in the moment. And the more impatient you are with yourself, the more you are somewhere else. The more you can love yourself, even when you're not in the moment, the more you are in the moment. And the more you reject that, the more you are somewhere else again. Love you just the way you are, and keep coming back here and take it easy. That's the beauty of my master Soham, he's been teaching me that for 23 years. He didn't take anything seriously, it was always completely non-serious for him. And I would like to pass that on. Thank you for your question.
Swantje: Dorothea writes: "It is your love that I feel. I only know Soham from videos. Or is it the love we all have inside of us? Christ-love?"
Dhyan Mikael: Christ-love is a name for this impersonal energy that flows when we become empty. What we normally call love is when a man says to a woman, "I love you," and by that he means, "I think you're beautiful," or "I want to go to bed with you", or "I want you to marry me", something like that. But that's not love, that's some kind of wanting, some kind of desire, some kind of beauty, but at some point... at some point, when you start to stop looking out there and start looking for within; when you begin to love yourself and say "yes", first to the feelings, then to oneself and then automatically to all the rest. ... To the extent that we say more and more "yes" and accept, to that extent we somehow disappear. It sounds a bit esoteric now, but maybe you know what I mean. Then there begins to flow a love that has nothing to do with wanting nothing to do with desire, nothing to do with you as a person, you even know not where it comes from... and which also somehow has nothing to do with the other person. It's more like... like taking a bath in something.
So, it's definitely not my love, and I know that because I don't... You just said: "this is your love". That can't be because I feel the same love and enjoy it and bathe in it, right now. It's not mine. It's... yes... God's love. It has nothing to do with me. But we are human beings, and we feel that way. The disciple, he worships his guru because for him he is the source of love, unimaginable: he experiences a love and an acceptance and God.... And the guru knows exactly... or the master, he knows exactly: this has nothing to do with me. But for the student, it is. And that's because we're just people and for us it's easiest to experience that through another person. And then you sit... I sat with my master and bathed in his love. At some point I knew it wasn't "his" love, and yet it always still felt that way to me.
It's simply a very human thing. You don't have to worry too much about it esoterically. And at some point, it becomes your own experience, at some point this love then flows more and more within yourself, because you lose yourself more and more, and then it's clear anyway:" Yes, that's not my love. I don't know where it comes from, but it has nothing to do with me." But I like to pass it on. That's the most beautiful thing for me. I say at the end of my videos... I can't help it, I don't even know why I started this, but... I think from the first video, at the end I said, "I love you." And I can't help it, that's just the way it is. Someone says, "I love you," and I feel just as loved as you do. I always have the feeling: I say it to myself. So, enough about that. Thank you.
Swantje: Anwil writes: "Okay, thank you. Yes, the clinic is good for me, but the energy there is also heavy and exhausting. Some also have a very intrusive aura. How can I separate myself and stay with myself?"
Dhyan Mikael: Yes, I understand that well. It's really an art to be among other people and their energy... not to be weighed down by it. That's really something you have to learn to deal with. I still remember how I learned to do that. At the very beginning... it wasn't particularly elegant. You start to feel yourself and become more aware of what you need, and then you become painfully aware of what's spilling over from other people to you. And of course, you don't want that. And my advice is: do whatever you need to do to take good care of yourself. And that's sometimes very bumpy at the beginning. In the beginning, it's actually inevitable that you'll offend other people, perhaps unsettle or snub them a little. But you can't help it at the beginning.
I still remember how I learned to say "no". It was a revolution for me. I couldn't do it elegantly. I couldn't make sure that I expressed things in such a way that I didn't trample on the feet of others unnecessarily now. I was just totally happy that I could say "no" at all, or that I could somehow keep myself away from some things that I didn't want. And then, after a few years, you learn that, and then it all goes very elegantly, and the other people don't even realize that you take care of yourself. They don't realize that anymore, but in the beginning it's a bit awkward. I understand that. Two things help: one is to not talk unnecessarily. The others often pull you into conversations, and then it's not always easy to pull yourself out of them.
But we have a habit of saying unnecessary things and starting unnecessary conversations, and they don't stop. The others are so happy when they have you in conversation... Be as quiet as possible. And then you can use a few tricks. If something gets too much for you, you say, "Sorry, I have to go to the bathroom," and then you're gone. Or you say, "Ah, I've got a headache today", then you go to your room and you're alone. So, you can get quite creative. I'm in the company of other people... I'm also very sensitive, and I have to take really good care of myself, and I avoid most company, as best I can without offending or annoying the others somehow now. Try to be alone. Maybe there's a place where you can pray, even if you're not a Christian... Even if you have nothing to do with Christian prayers now, but just a place where it's allowed to be alone. Places like that are great: restroom, prayer room, your own room.... I recommend you approach this a bit playfully like a puzzle: "Okay, how do I get out of this mess now? These sticky people who won't let me go..." Maybe that will help you. And, as I said, it's not easy at first, this challenge you're facing right now. I know it too.
Swantje: Ella Bella asks: "Can everyone awaken? If so, how can we do it?"
Dhyan Mikael: Yes, everyone can awaken. And it's funny that you have to say that at all. We have... that comes from our Christian heritage. I don't know about you, but I always used to feel... The image of Jesus that I was given by the church, this whole kind of religion... I always had the feeling that Jesus was portrayed as a person who is actually not a person at all; who embodies something that has nothing to do with this world at all and which is not attainable for me. So, just the question of whether that would be attainable for me or not, that didn't come up at all. That was completely outside of any discussion, that wasn't the point at all. And that's the problem.
Jesus only ever said: "Look at me!" He said again and again: "Just as I am, so can you be." He said that every day. His way of saying it was, "I am the Son of Man, and I am the Son of God." He said, "I am man, like you." That's what he means by son of man. And: "I am the Son of God. I am awakened. I have arrived. I live in Heaven." He kept telling people that. He didn't say, "I'm a great saint, I'm unique." He says: "No, I'll show you what's possible." So, of course anyone can awaken, that's why we're alive. That's the purpose of this life. You have decided to be born again this time so that you finally discover who you really are; that you find that way inward; nurture your soul; and then, gradually, become who you already are, but just realize that. Sometimes I have this fantasy, it's as if we were a part of God, who deliberately makes himself completely oblivious, in order to enable himself to discover himself; to remember who he actually is, because otherwise he can't experience himself at all. So, it's a really funny game. So, anyone can do it.
And you ask: "How can you achieve that? How can you encourage that?" And it's like, I just started learning piano three weeks ago or something. Three weeks ago, I realized that I've been with a very great piano teacher, and that she could actually teach me to play the piano too. And that's what I'm doing now, and I'm having a blast. But what I'm practicing right now is: I'm not playing ditties. I'm doing finger exercises. And I'm a fanatic. I always want to do things right from the ground up. When I program a website, then I spend a long time on the things that you can't even see, because I know: if they're right, then the rest goes by itself. And it's the same with playing the piano. You do finger exercises for weeks... Maybe you think: "But I want to play songs. I want to learn a symphony. And the piano teacher, she knows what's important, and she lets you do these exercises. She gives you her patience and the right exercises.
And so it is with awakening. We want to awaken, and then we worry about the ego and how it all works and stuff. You can forget all that stuff. You don't need to know all that. I always like to say in my videos: "You don't have to worry about all this at all, it all happens by itself. It's a very natural process in this life." You don't worry as a child about how you get to puberty. You don't have to worry about what you have to do now to get it going; and you don't have to worry about how you're going to get out of puberty and grow up. These are all natural developments. And that at some point in your life you come to the point where you think: "There's something else! I want to discover that! I want to awaken. There is something...", that is also natural.
And yet, of course, you can do certain things to encourage that, but those are things that nobody wants to do. Everyone always wants to start with the symphony right away, but that doesn't work. And the people who start right away with the symphony or with very difficult piano pieces, they stop playing the piano again very quickly, because they are very frustrated, simply because it doesn't work. And when you wake up, it's exactly the same: everyone wants to feel holy or compassionate... we had it earlier about compassion. You become compassionate, but not by learning to feel compassionate, but by loving all the feelings that you don't want to have; with which have compassion... then you become compassionate. You practice something, so to speak, that you don't really want. But what you really want arises from that.
And so it is with the awakening. I talk in my videos.... I don't know if you've heard this yet.... I talk about the Samarpan- meditation. It's a very simple, beautiful meditation. It is magical. But you don't really know what you're doing. You just do this meditation for half an hour every morning, you don't feel particularly holy either, it doesn't get particularly quiet with most people either, but you learn something very important there. But you don't know that at the beginning. But very gradually you start to change. That which you would like to attain: the awakening, the arrival... I always say: Awakening is easy. This experience: "Wow, there's something else. Wow, there's a direction that I didn't know before. Wow, I'm not this body at all!" That's relatively easy. You get there very quickly.
But then... that this life transforms from a life in the madhouse to a life in Heaven... to a life without pressure, without the feeling of being the doer without the feeling of having to do something, having to be something.... and this transformation, it's a gradual transformation, and you can support it. For me, the best support I've found is this Samarpan Meditation, which I talk about so often. It's like this: I've told... I've been with my master Soham for 23 years; he taught me everything he could teach me. I learned to love myself I learned to love myself. I have learned to be compassionate with myself and with everyone else. I can say: I have learned acceptance. I didn't want anything more in life. I was just content, I was happy. And that took 17 years until I got to the point and I thought I've learned everything and I'm happy. And I was really more content and quieter and happier than all the people I knew except my Master Soham.
And then I got to know Samarpan Meditation, and that's when I realized: "Wow, there's a whole other level." And since then, I've been doing them, and since then my life has completely changed. But you practice something, and that's why I said before: nobody wants to do that... Everyone always wants to feel great right away, but that's not the way. You have to do your homework, very patiently, every morning, and then the rest really happens on its own. I could talk about meditation for an hour now, but I think that's beyond the scope now. I made a few videos about it. You can write me too, then I'll make another one about it if you want. But I think for now, for the live chat, it should be enough for now. But thanks for the question. It's a great question.
Swantje: Anwil writes: "Great, thanks for the tips."
Dhyan Mikael: Very much. Thank you for your question.
Swantje: And Hugo Snake asks: "Is meditation a path to enlightenment?"
Dhyan Mikael: Meditation... so, first of all you have to talk about what you actually mean by "meditation". When I speak of meditation, I mean Samarpan Meditation, and that is unique because that is the only meditation that I know where you really don't do anything at all and don't want anything. You sit down, close your eyes, and then you go with your attention here to the top of your head.... And that's quite funny: if you want to do that, if you go there with your attention, up there, then you can only do that if you don't think. Then you're up there for a second or two, and then you realize how your attention has slipped another floor lower, and then you think. And then you go back up there with your attention.
And then you realize: "Yes, I can only feel that up there if I don't focus my attention on my thoughts right now." And the thoughts, everything that is here one floor down on the level of the third eye, that is what we want and what we don't want, and what we want to become, enlightened for example. And meditation... this meditation is a way, to let go of all that. Samarpan means "surrender": To surrender, to completely surrender, to want nothing. That happens when you this seemingly so simple with attention going up here, when you do that.... You can only do that if you surrender for at least half a second, and everything you want and think and want and don't want, if you let it all go. And then you also let go of the desire for enlightenment and for all these ideas of how life could be. Everything. And through that you gradually come to know your own true nature, that which is called enlightenment.
Then you realize: "Wow, I have yes with all these things, which are one floor lower, in reality nothing to do at all. All the things that are always so important to me, my opinions, my wishes, my dreams, my goals, my feelings, how I feel about myself..." And then you slowly get to know something that you can't actually talk about at all... everyone has to discover that for themselves. You realize: "Ah, this is the direction where I discover myself." And then you set off on your journey. And meditation helps with that. Yes, that is the way.
Swamiji says, "There are two ways to attain liberation," and liberation is if you are no longer identified with this body and this world. He says, "The one thing is to renounce life, to go out of society, to be alone far away from all other people who think." That's one way. Then that takes a few decades, and then you find that, when you're in nature. But that's a very impractical way that very few people go. I would never have gone that way. That's not my path in this life.
And he says, "The second way is: meditate." That is the way for the people who prefer to stay in society; who don't give up everything and move into a cave. And the way is meditation. And I don't like to use the word "enlightenment" because only people who haven't experienced it themselves actually say that. It's not like that there's an event and once you've experienced it, you're a different person. That is a gradual, gradual development, a process; just like the process when you change from child to adolescent, from adolescent to adult and so on. I prefer to say that meditation is a way to discover one's true nature, and the more that happens, the more life transforms. And it starts with something you could call enlightenment that first realization, "Wow, there's really something else," but it has no end. It just keeps getting more wondrous and more new and more... you'll have to find out for yourself. Thank you. Thank you for your question.
Swantje: Christoper writes: "Dearest Mikael, I have practiced the Samarpan Meditation so far, as you recommend. Yesterday I participated in the group meditation on Zoom for the first time. It was great. Thank you very much."
Dhyan Mikael: Thank you, Christopher. Yeah, I don't talk about it as often as maybe I should, but part of this Samarpan Meditation is that in the morning, first thing in the morning, half an hour meditation. There are also people who don't do it in the morning, who do it during the day; it doesn't matter, the main thing is that you meditate. But I find it most beautiful in the morning. So, you meditate half an hour every day for yourself alone, and then you should also meditate once a week together with others, the communal meditation. And that is a very different experience, and both are beautiful, but both have a very different energy.
And I experience it like this: when I meditate with other people, it has a completely different quality. It's more challenging and more beautiful at the same time. And sometimes I meditate here with my wife alone together when no one else is here. There was another person there the other day, and just one more person, and already the meditation is deeper and bigger. That's fantastic. And the more people meditate, the easier it becomes for the individual. This shared meditation once a week is an infinite support for oneself. That's why I'm glad that you're reporting that you've experienced this for the first time now. I think that's great. Thank you, Christoper.
And I have a question that I got in writing, that would go with that. Swantje, I want to slip this in for a moment. One moment. The question is this:
"I always have a guilty conscience when I haven't gone to the meditation group again. I've been there a few times and I think it's nice, and the people are great, but I just don't have any motivation or attraction. Soham has often emphasized: if there's no attraction, then it's not the right thing. But Swamiji encourages us to meditate once a week in the group. But I just don't want to at the moment. I've already thought about stopping Samarpan Meditation altogether, because that is part of it. I want to do it completely or not at all."
I want to say something briefly about this because it just fits in so nicely. Meditating together in a group is incredibly helpful for everyone involved, but only if you want to. Forcing yourself to do something because it's supposedly good, even though you don't want to, that's not helpful. If you don't feel like it, my recommendation is don't do it. You know it would be good, but you don't want to right now. Okay, then don't it, it's your decision. You're free, you know. The last thing that's helpful: doing something because you know it's good, against your will. That doesn't work. Even if you know that it's your ego: it still doesn't work.
And it's really a trick of the mind. Because it says... it wants to stop you from meditating, and this is what it does, it says, "Okay, meditating is a great thing, and we're doing it right. We have to do it right well", only to say behind: "yes, but it doesn't work like that. I don't want that. That's too much. It's too complicated. I don't want to go into the group." The mind takes something very simple, just meditate, and then makes it complicated and then finds some reason why it's best not to do it at all. And that would be a real shame. And Swamiji who brings the meditation says one thing over and over again for a good reason. He says: "No matter how, just meditate. It doesn't matter how. No matter how, where, when, you don't need to do it well, you don't need to do it right, as long as you meditate. The other day someone asked him about meditation, how to do it best, and he said exactly that. He said: "These questions come to you only because in reality you do not want to meditate." And that's exactly what the questioner just wrote.
Our head is looking for some flimsy reasons why it's pointless to meditate anyway, because we can't do it properly. But there's no "right". Meditate somehow, in whatever way is possible for you. That’s enough. And when you give yourself this freedom, when you give yourself this permission to be as you are, then the pleasure and joy comes in the things that are really good for you. The then comes naturally. So don't force yourself to do anything, and meditate if you can. That's my recommendation. So, Swantje, now it's your turn again.
Swantje: Anbil writes: "I also find the Medi exciting. I read that there is an initiation. I find that a bit creepy. What is that exactly?"
Dhyan Mikael: yes, I know, that sounds totally creepy. But there's good news: soon I can do the initiation too. I always found it stupid that I talk about the Samarpan Meditation with great enthusiasm and then have to say to people: "Yes, but then you have to take part in another initiation", and I knew people wouldn't like that. And I understand it too. But soon I can do it myself, in a few weeks, and then I'll do it. Then I can also do an online event, if you are interested in Samarpan Meditation, and then I can explain it to you really nicely officially, and I'm really looking forward to it. Yes, this introduction to Samarpan Meditation... it's not an initiation, it has nothing to do with consecration... it's actually an information session, and it's basically totally harmless, and I've been through it many times, the first time was 6 years ago. I remember exactly where it was. It was really lovely; it was a beautiful event.
But I got there... Soham had contact with Swamiji, then a few people came from Swamiji came to us in the Satsang, and then we experienced this introduction with Soham in the Satsang, and it was just a totally great thing. And it was basically in our home, in Satsang, and that's why it wasn't scary for us at all. And that's why I can also say: it's a completely harmless, nice, interesting thing. It tells where the meditation comes from, how Swamiji got and found, and then we just talk briefly about what is important and helpful, and what is not; how the whole thing works. Actually, a very simple thing. But I also understand when you hear about the Samarpan Meditation from me or someone else, and then you are sent to some people you don't know, that sounds like you would have to become a member of some club or something. None of that is true, of course. But, like I said, I understand that, and if you feel uncomfortable listening to some people there, that you don't know, just wait a few weeks. And then if you like, you can listen to me, and I'm totally looking forward to offering my first introduction to Samarpan Meditation. Thank you.
Swantje: Ella Bella writes: "Yes, very much. I've tried the meditation a few times, but I can't do it in the morning. In the evening I tend to calm down and do my emotional exercises.
Dhyan Mikael: So, for me it's like this... I always take a very pragmatic approach. I'm an engineer, and I always tweak my daily routine so that I manage everything as I see fit. And I only get it done in the morning if I have enough time in the morning, and I only have more time for meditation in the morning if I go to bed earlier in the evening, and that's the secret. The secret is to go to bed earlier at night if you want to meditate in the morning. And since I don't watch TV or movies and don't do all that stuff, that does me a lot of good, so I can go to bed relatively early. As soon as the kids are in bed, I'm in bed too, sometimes I even sleep first, and then I just wake up, it's a bit different every morning.... I wake up between half past four and half past six every morning, and then I meditate. And it's like this: I can recommend you to try this once so that you can feel the difference. It's really like Swamiji says: it doesn't matter when you meditate, as long as you meditate.
But if you realize that you like meditation, then you can also play around with it a bit, because that's really interesting. For me now, I love to meditate as early as possible, because with every half hour that I meditate earlier, I notice how the meditation becomes even deeper and even more beautiful, even... Well, it's not that I'm bathing in beautiful feelings. I just realize: it's more effective, it takes me more where I belong. And that's because the world is still asleep. You may not know it, but you may feel it a little, how you are influenced by your surroundings, by the neighbors, by people's thoughts. You can feel that when you meditate. And when the world is still asleep, it is infinitely easier to meditate there.
At about 6 o'clock the world wakes up. I live out here in a tiny village. I live out here on the edge of the village, there's not much going on. There's nothing going on here at all, and yet I notice that here. When I wake up at 6 o'clock, I meditate from ten past 6 to a quarter to seven.... I love meditation no matter what, but it's a different meditation. If I wake up even half an hour earlier, it's already a different number. And sometimes, sometimes I have nights where I sleep very late and then meditate very late. But then I often wake up much earlier one night later, because I slept so much the night before, and then I sometimes wake up at 4 o'clock, that happened to me again a few days ago. And then meditating at 4, so that's awesome. That's so nice. And if you ever feel like playing with it... Maybe you have a week's vacation and have a little more time and can try it out, then you can experience it yourself. I just want to make your mouth water because it's really a difference, but the most important thing is that you meditate, no matter when. No matter when, in the evening is also okay. Thank you.
Swantje: Mikael, there's one more request to speak in the chat.
Dhyan Mikael: yes, gladly.
Swantje: Sandra writes: "How do I see through the behaviors of a narcissist and recognize his true nature without taking his unloving behavior personally? What do I have to learn from that?"
Dhyan Mikael: So, if you're trying to see through the narcissist, then you're actually on to him already. Your attention belongs to you. And you're probably concerned with how you can deal with the situation with such a person; how you can handle the situation so that you are okay, and the crucial is that your attention is with you; that you feel how you feel; that you sense what you have energy for and what you don't. If your attention is with you, then nothing can actually happen to you, whether the other person is a narcissist or not. But if you have the tendency that your attention is somewhere else, with the other person, and that's what of course we've all learned then it's hard. But the solution is always the same: your attention belongs to you, in you.
And that doesn't mean at all that you then completely ignore the other person and don't talk to anyone anymore. That's not what I mean at all. I mean: instead of having your antennas on the other person and finding out: "How does he feel now? What does he want now? What's he doing now?"... That's the wrong way, that's the completely wrong direction. Feel yourself. How am I doing? What do I want right now? How do I feel right now? Then you can dance much better with the other person because you know what you want; because you know how you feel. You don't need to tell the other person that at all. The other person doesn't need to know, you need to know.
And a person with a narcissistic disposition helps us, because it's actually impossible to deal with such a person. They're so cunning... I mean, they can't help it, they usually don't know anything about it, it's just their disposition. But actually, it's hopeless. The only thing that helps is that you learn what you've never learned before in your life: to keep your attention with you, no matter what the other person tries. You know, narcissism, it's about keeping the other person's attention on you and not letting it away from you. He lives from that. And that's why it's such a great help to learn exactly that.
But the root problem has nothing to do with the narcissist the root problem has nothing to do with the narcissist. The basic problem is that we all have never learned to be ourselves with our attention. We always learn to pay attention to others, to be considerate of others, and it is nothing wrong. But first of all, I need to know what I need; how I feel. I can best take care of myself because I can best feel how I am. And we've become such a sick society because of that... every society is sick in that sense... because nobody is allowed to look after themselves. That is driven out of us as children. And everyone always takes care of the other, and we can't do that because we don't know how the other really feels. But we try it. And that's why we're such a neurotic society.
So, we never learned... we were never allowed to learn and feel for ourselves. That is the basic problem. It has nothing to do with the narcissist at all. I don't care at all whether someone is narcissistic or not. I don't care about that at all. It doesn't affect me at all. I feel myself. And only if you can't do that, then people like that are a problem, and that's a great alarm bell, a great help to learn to stay with yourself. And then that serves you everywhere, not just with this one person. It serves you everywhere, in your whole life, in every relationship. Everything becomes easier when you learn to keep your attention on yourself and not worry about what the other person thinks of you; what the other person wants from you; what the other person says about you; and all this nonsense. Thanks for your question, great topic, I could talk about it forever, but that should be enough for tonight.
Swantje: I would like to finish by reading you the thanks from the chat.
Dhyan Mikael: Oh, we're through again! Oh, the time. Yes, please, I'd love that.
Swantje: The Dorotea writes: "Super, I'm looking forward to your initiation.
Dhyan Mikael: Great, I'm looking forward too.
Swantje: And Anwil thanks you.
Dhyan Mikael: Thank you.
Swantje: And Karin Anna: "Thank you, Mikael for your being.
Dhyan Mikael: Oh, thank you for your being. I'm glad you're here, and I'm glad you're all here. It's such a joy.
Swantje: And Martin writes: "Thank you very much, dear Mikael, for your loving impulses to self-love, acceptance, accepting all our feelings. So precious. Notice how I stress myself out with it in certain ways."
Dhyan Mikael: Yes, we do. We really stress ourselves, and when we stop, everything changes.
Swantje: And from Kiran, Ella Bella and Sunny and Naad a "thank you" too.
Dhyan Mikael: With pleasure.
Swantje: And from me too.
Dhyan Mikael: Yes, thank you, Swantje. Thank you for your reading. Thank you very much for your help. Thank you for being there. These live chats are such a joy for me. See you soon, all the best. I love you.