Trusting like a Master

Complete text for reading along:

Good morning.

Finally, I can make another video again, I'm so happy. I was very busy working the last few days and it came to the point where I really missed making a video in the morning. But somehow, I have to balance this whole thing. If I only make videos, it doesn't work unfortunately. Not yet. Who knows how it will develop. This morning I want to start with reading from a letter I received, and then I want to talk about this a little bit. The letter is from Danielle.

"Just now the universe is testing me again and confronts me with another process of letting go, of surrender and absolute trust. My son, who is 20 years old, has been psychiatrically committed since 10 days due to a cannabis-induced psychosis. Probably a nightmare for any parent. Right now, it feels like I'm stuck in a cocoon, experiencing another Dark Night of the Soul. However, inside me it knows that this is just a story, that it is about observing the feelings and thoughts, because inside us there's the space where it is always silent. Absolute trust is required, absolute devotion, putting God first more than ever before. May be my sharing will inspire you for a message to all parents and people out there who are going through a similar process with their children."

Yes, it really inspires me to talk about this, because it touches the core of what this whole thing is about, this whole life, this whole spiritual path. And there are a few different aspects to the situation I want to touch on.

First, I want to talk about these ideas and expectations we have about life when we are a spiritual person. A normal person has certain dreams and certain ideas how life should be. They want peace and enough money and they want to basically be left alone and have fun and be happy and that's it. They don't know anything else, and that's how 99 percent of people live. And then, at some point, you know: this is not it; and you become spiritual. And then what usually happens is: we replace the old ideas with new ideas.

We believe that if I do it right spiritually, if I follow the right path, if I have the right master or Guru or whatever it is you do, then... and this "then" is different for every person; some spiritual people believe that then, they will be taken care of, then they will be having no money worries anymore, they will have enough money, or they will have the partner who makes them happy, or they will help mankind to become enlightened, or, you know, whatever kind of idea it is... But the essence of the whole thing is that you have ideas about how life will be when everything goes right, and that's why you do what you do, because you want this life you dream about, or somebody else told you that this is possible. But it doesn't work like this.

Life is not playing along with this kind of ideas. Sometimes it works for a while. If you're a normal person and if you dedicate all your energy to becoming rich, then you will get rich, it's pretty much inevitable. If you get busy enough and mean enough, you will get rich. And if you're spiritual, if you want to reach a certain goal, you do the right workshops, you pay a lot of money and you will probably find a partner where you believe for a while that this makes you happy, or you will have some sort of success in your life. But sooner or later you will find out that this is all nonsense. This is all child's play in reality. It all doesn't work in the long run.

And I want to talk about this idea we have about our spiritual life. We believe: if I trust enough, if I put God first enough, then my son will not end up in psychiatry, then these things will not happen in my life anymore. My fear of poverty will dissolve because I will have money, and my fear of not having a good place to live will dissolve because I will have a wonderful place. These are all these ideas we have. And that's why most people become spiritual. They discovered: okay, the old way, the conventional way like everybody else is doing, that doesn't work, so we try this. But in reality, of course it's the same old game, just with a different set of ideas. And it's just not reality.

When I read this letter this morning, I was reminded of a story Swamiji told in his autobiography. Swamiji is my Indian Guru and he has an extraordinary life. He doesn't have one guru himself... he traveled through the Himalayas for 20 years, he went into the Himalayas again and again and he met a total of 11 gurus. And the story is amazing. When he did his first journey into the Himalayas, he met a guru, and this guru... he was... the guru was living totally withdrawn from mankind, very old, and he was only alive because he was waiting for Swamiji. He was waiting for the one human being who would be able to take on his treasure, his... what he discovered and gained in his life. And Swamiji met him and received the gifts of the guru, and then the guru died. He left his body. That was all he was still waiting for in this life, and that completed everything for the guru, and he could finally leave his body. And before he left his body, he sent him to the next guru. And then, a while later, Swamiji came to the next guru, and basically the same thing happened in another form; but basically, the same thing happened.

And although Swamiji was an extraordinary person already then, this is now like 25 years ago or so... I mean, that he was able to meet such amazing gurus and receive their gifts, and with every trip he made into the Himalayas, with every guru he met, he became even more extraordinary. And yet... He was married. He is married to Guruma, to his wife, and it was at a time where he already had one or two children, I don't really recall, and then another child was born. And with this child, Swamiji had a very special feeling. For Swamiji, it was as if his own guru, his first guru who left his body came back to Earth, reincarnated. It was very special for him, this child, it was amazing for him. And what happened then is: the child fell ill. It wasn't really serious, but the doctor made a mistake, gave him the wrong medicine, and the child died.

The child died in Swamiji's arms. And this happened in Swamiji's life, in his spiritual life, something which doesn't fit into our imagination, not at all. And not only did something like this happen in Swamiji's life, he also didn't behave like we believe we will be when we are enlightened and spiritual and whatnot. He wasn't cool at all. He was in total pain, and he got totally depressed, he got totally crazy. He started fighting against the doctor, he wanted to sue the doctor and punish him. He got totally mad; he totally lost it. And this was part of Swamiji's life. His son died in his arms and he got totally mad, he was totally lost for a while.

And we believe: in our life, when we do everything right, such things will not happen, this is not part of a spiritual life. If we are on the right path, if you do everything right, if God does everything right... And if things are happening which are difficult and undesirable, then we will be able to be above it and handle it totally well. But for Swamiji, it wasn't like this. He gives us such a good example. And in his autobiography, he describes it so intimately, so directly, so naked. It's such a gift for us. And Jesus experienced the same thing. He didn't lose a child, but Jesus got crucified. Jesus was one of the greatest gurus who ever walked on this Earth. He still is for me. But part of his spiritual life was getting crucified. I mean, this doesn't fit in our imagination at all. This shouldn't happen. And for him it was the same: he wasn't cool at all.

We have this imagination: okay, I will... whatever happens, I will just float above it, and... In the Bible, in the New Testament, it says: during the night before the crucifixion, when Jesus prayed... for me, when it says praying, for me he meditated, that is true prayer... this is how Jesus prayed: he sat down and went inside, and that's prayer. And it says in the New Testament: he was sweating blood. He was just scared. He was consumed by fear, by terror. He knew what would come. He knew it. And he didn't want it. He said: God, if this cup can pass me, please let it pass. Then he said: but your will be done. He wasn't cool at all. He was sweating blood. He was so scared. And then, at the cross, he lost it totally. He totally lost it. Just like Swamiji lost it. Jesus lost it on the cross. He said: "God, why do you have forsaken me?" He doubted everything. He didn't feel God anymore.

So, these giants of spirituality, these examples, they don't fit our imagination. And it's important to see this, because usually what happens is: we have these ideas about life, and these ideas become our touchstone; they become... this is what tells us whether we do it right or wrong, whether the path we follow is a true path and worthy of being walked on by us. So, we have these ideas, and we start meditating, and we start doing whatever the master or the guru says, and then something like this happens, the life of the son totally breaks down, the son is in a psychosis, or... everybody has their own flavor of tragedy, their own flavor of nightmare; then something like this happens which does not fit our ideas, and what do we do? We say: "okay, this is not the right path, this is not the right meditation, if this happens. I don't need this, I don't want this, this is a clear sign that this is not working." And it's so childish, you know... It's like we have our ideas and that's what we call "trust": "I trust that God takes care, I trust God, I put God first, and then I will be saved". And "being saved" for us means: being saved from these events, from these feelings, from these tragedies, from all the things I want to run away from. And this trust is very fragile.

Of course, it's not really trust. This is a very fragile trust, because as soon as something happens which doesn't fit our ideas, the trust is gone and we stop what we did. When I read Danielle's letter, I don't have the feeling that she has this kind of trust. I don't have the feeling that she's doing this, but I mention this here because this is what I hear from so many people. They begin with the meditation because their life is so difficult for them that they don't know how to handle it; that's why they come to a Master, that's why they come to a Guru. And then they start with the hopes, with the "trust" that it will all work out the way they believe it should work out. And then something happens which doesn't fit this. And then they leave the master or the guru or the meditation, whatever they do. And this is the trust we usually have, when we say: "I trust God"; when I say: "I trust life", "I trust the universe", all these nice spiritual expressions... what we usually, actually mean is: "I trust that this will give me what I want".

It's funny, you know, there are these situations where... in football matches like in the World Cup... I mean, I don't know whether they still do this these days, but they used to pray to God before they do this, and the one party will pray that they win, and the other party prays that they'll win. And I often wondered as a child: okay, what is God doing in this situation here? On whose side is God? Who will... who will get what they pray for? Because only one can win, so God will do it wrong, no matter what. And the same happened in war; the people of the one country pray that they win, and the people of the other country pray that they win, but only one country can win, so... what to do? We put God in a very difficult situation. And of course, this is all not trust, this has nothing to do with trust, this has nothing to do with handing your life over to God. This is just a way of how we lie to ourselves. And that's what normal people do who have no clue about spirituality. They have their dream and then they go after the dream. And then some of these people come to a point where they realize this doesn't work, there is something else, they get a taste.

But then what we do is: we do the old game in in a new wrapping, in a new packaging. We replace the old goals with new goals, but we don't change the way we live. We don't change the way we trust. We still trust in this old childish way which is not trust, which is self-deception. And that's how most of the spiritual things which happening these days operate.

You can go to all kinds of workshops, you can find all kinds of very charismatic people who promise you all kinds of things, when you pay their fee or when you do what they say, and then, then you will be able to manifest your life, or then you will become rich, or then you will find your soul partner and then you will be happy with him or her... all this nonsense. It's just the old game in the new wrapping. And when you play this game, when you have this kind of "trust", you... it doesn't lead you anywhere. You will get disappointed. This trust will be shattered because life just doesn't cooperate. It works for some time for some people. If you put enough effort, if you put all of your attention, all of your energy and time into one goal, you will succeed in some way. But eventually, at some point, you will find out: no, this is not it, simply because life doesn't cooperate.

You will notice: it's all shattered, it's all gone. But we love this! We love to... love to... design how we want life to be. So, this is not trust.

The trust a Jesus had, the trust a Swamiji has, the trust I have thanks to my master Sohamji who of course, taught me this trust from the very first day I was with him, this trust which I received from Swamiji... it's not my trust, it's not that I'm cool or so, I'm just very very lucky... this is something totally different. It's a trust which has nothing to do with the circumstances of life. It's a trust which says: "no matter what happens, no matter what, anything included, no matter what happens, I know, it is right; I say yes, no matter what it is." And it doesn't mean that you understand why it happens, it's not that something difficult happens but you see: yes, this is necessary in my life, or this is good for me in the long run... no! You don't see any of this.

It's like Swamiji: when he experienced that his son died... He didn't know anything. He didn't know that this is the right thing. He found out later. But... in that in that situation, he didn't know anything, he was just in pain, he was just freaking out. Same with Jesus. He knew he will get crucified. He didn't want this, and he didn't see the good of it, but eventually he trusted, not knowing. He couldn't see anything at that moment, and yet there was this trust. And that's the difference between the fake trust we usually have, the self-deceptive trust, and true trust; that trust which enables you to say yes to how it is now, that trust which enables you to say yes even if it's like this for the rest of eternity. Not this trust which says yes to how it is with the hopes that this will make it change, that's the other trust. No, this trust which says: "yes, I want it like this, no matter how painful, no matter how difficult".

And it's very interesting... when you begin to receive this trust, something changes in your life. And it's not that outer circumstances change. And that's why it's so difficult for normal people to understand what's actually going on, because the miracle happens on the inside. The miracle which happens, and it's really a miracle, happens invisible from the outside. You can feel it, but you can't see it. Swamiji once said something in the Karma-free meditation. In that meditation he describes how our spiritual life evolves and he says... he describes how, when we are on the spiritual path, how we do have to go through our life and experience and go through certain things which are just part of our personal path, whether we understand it or not, things which can be very difficult, very painful...

But he says something very interesting. He says: with this knowing, with this trust, when we have this, we go through these experiences which happen for a short amount of time in our life before they are gone, and he says: "but we don't feel their pain and their sting". It's like we experience the agony, we experience the fear, maybe the terror; but in a way, the pain doesn't touch us, in a way the sting doesn't go deep. The feelings are all there. It's not that we experience it differently as human beings, but in a way, we are untouched by it. We go through the experience not only unharmed but elevated, enhanced, enriched. And this is something which is completely unimaginable when you look at it from the outside.

And then you have a life which looks like the life of any other person, but the other person will be in agony and will despair and will be unhappy; and you, you experience the same thing, the same things, the same life, same situations, and you are not only untouched by it, but you grow by it and you become more and more happy and trusting and bigger and... And as I said: you can't see this from the outside.

When you look at a Jesus from the outside, you don't know what's different with this guy. Or when you look at Swamiji from the outside, he looks like any ordinary person. But you can feel it. You can feel that there is something with these people which is totally different. You don't know what it is.

But you come near somebody like this... if you are in your life at a point where you slowly slowly become ready to let go of this old trust I was talking about, when you slowly slowly begin to get ready to let go of your ideas how life should be, when you slowly slowly get a little bit ready to say yes to the situation you are in forever, then a person like this comes into your life, a guru, a master. And you feel totally attracted to this person, and you don't know why. You have no clue what it is, but you feel: there's something totally different. Something with this person is totally different. And what you feel is this trust. That's the magic.

You feel the trust of a Jesus, and that's what set him apart from all the people around him, this trust he had. That's what made him special. It's not that he was a special human being, it wasn't that he was born from a special lady and with special angels around. No, he had this trust, and that changed everything, invisible from the outside. But whoever came close to him could feel it. It's irresistible. And maybe that's why you're watching these videos. I mean, I'm really as stupid as you are, there's nothing special about me, but I got this trust from my master, I got this trust from my Guru. And that's the only attraction you feel, this trust. That's not because I'm special. And that's the thing I want to talk about at the end of this video: how do we get this trust?

I said that this old trust we are very familiar with, this is not it, but that it is this true trust, that which says: "yes, I know it is good; no matter what happens, it is good". How do I get this trust? Where does it come from? How can I learn it? Tell me a workshop so I can get it!

You can't. There's nothing you can do to get this trust. There's nothing you can do to find this trust, and don't believe anybody who gives you a workshop to sell this trust. There's nothing you can do.

It comes into your life, simply it walks into your life when a person who has this trust, who has this true trust, comes into your life. With this person comes this trust into your life. And suddenly, you get a taste of it. That's the magic of a master, that's the magic of a Guru. And then... you see this Master or this guru, a totally funny person, you don't even know why you feel attracted, but what really pulls you is this trust. And something in you knows: "ah this is the real thing!" You know, something in you always knows that what you do so far is deception. Everybody knows: yes, in reality, I'm lying to myself, I'm deceiving myself with all these dreams, with all this fake trust, with all this fake holy stuff I'm doing. But we are unable... no matter how good we are, we are unable to produce this true trust by ourselves.

You just can't. But then you get in touch with some person who has this trust, who got this trust by himself. And then suddenly you sense a new possibility. And then you begin a totally new life.

And it's not so easy. It's easy to... you watch a video, and or you are with a master or a guru, and you hear him say something like this, and you say: ah, okay! Yes, I say yes to everything, I accept my life no matter what happens! But then to do it... then, you know, the video is over or the workshop is over, whatever you do, and then you're back home, you're back in your nightmare, in that what you feel, what you experience as nightmare, and then to say: okay, I let go of all of my ideas, all of my hope, all of these images, these dreams of a better life? I should say yes to this how it is? No, I don't want this! I can't! And even if you know this is the way, it's almost impossible. And it is so difficult because these convictions you have, these ideas you have about how your life should be... certainly not like this! This is actually what we call ego... this has its own life, almost like its own strategy and energy, and it resists.

It's so easy and yet, it feels impossible to let go. You say: "What? I should just trust and accept anything? My son dying? Getting crucified? Or my son in psychiatry? Or living in this life situation where I find myself in since so many years where I want to get out of since so many years, say yes to this forever?" You can't, until somebody comes into your life who has this trust, and suddenly it becomes a possibility. It still challenges you to the core, to the core of your being, to the core of this false being you think you are, this ego, these ideas, these hopes, these dreams. But you are close to somebody who ticks totally different, and suddenly there opens up a new possibility for you. You still have to do it yourself; this letting go of your old ideas you have to do yourself, but now it's possible.

And what happens then is something nobody can imagine, and nobody can believe, unless you experience it yourself. What happens then... you know, I like these old Zen Masters and there is this is one Zen Master who was asked: "How did your life change? How was it before you got enlightened, and how was it afterwards?" And this Zen Master, he said: "before enlightenment, I was carrying water from the well, I was chopping wood." And then he was asked: "and how was it afterwards?" And he said: "well, I'm carrying water from the well, I'm chopping wood." And this is so great. I love these Zen guys. They say: whatever you can see from the outside doesn't change.

What this guy describes is a transformation from an ordinary life, and now he's a master, he's resting in paradise, he's living with God, but you can't see it from the outside. The same old stuff happens in his life and that's how it is. Your life doesn't seem to change... it does change, actually, but it's... you live in the same situation like anybody else, in the same country, under the same circumstances, with seemingly the same ordinary worries and cores and difficulties, but the way you experience it is totally different. Yes, sometimes it's painful, yes, sometimes it's difficult, but you don't feel the pain, you don't feel the agony, quite the contrary: everything you experience, be it pleasurable, be it painful, everything you go through, everything you experience, it's like a gift, an enhancement, an uplifting, just by your trust, just by your openness, by your unconditional openness, by your yes. And you can feel it.

You can feel this miracle when you come close to a Master, but you can't see it. When you look at the life of the guy or the woman who is the master or the Guru, there's no difference. But you can feel that you look at somebody who is completely different, but you don't know what it is. And it is this, it is this trust, this yes.

And at the end, I want to briefly touch again on Danielle's letter, because life is so amazing and so miraculous, that life takes care that... it's automatic, you don't have to worry about it, that whatever happens is always perfect not only for you but for anybody else around you. It's like Daniel experiences as a mother that her son has a psychosis, that he totally lost it, he totally lost it and he's in psychiatry because he's not himself anymore. And it's good for Danielle to go through this. I don't know her very well, and I don't know the son, but I can feel as if... I feel like I have my hands and feet in her life and I see: this step she's going through right now is so important and so so valuable, such a gift. And at the same time, it's the right thing and a good thing and a gift for her son.

That he has this psychosis right now is a blessing, it's really a blessing. If he wouldn't have this psychosis right now, this would be really difficult and a bad thing for him. We don't understand it. You will understand it when you look at it 10 or 20 years later, you will see: thank God everything worked out like this. But now we can't see this, that's the nature of trust.

We don't know, we don't know why, but we know it's right. It's the right thing for him where he is right now, in this experience of psychosis, in the care of the doctors in psychiatry. It's perfect both ways. It's perfect for the mother, it's perfect for the son. And we can't imagine... now, when you hear this, you might say: this is really hard to believe. I had my share of experiences in my life. I never had a psychosis, but I had experiences in my life where other people would say: oh, this is a tragedy. And all I can see is perfection and gratitude for it. I am so grateful for the people who were involved in my tragedies. Everything is perfect.

Thank you for listening. Thank you so much. And thank you for the letter, Danielle. Thank you for the inspiration.

I love you.