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You don't want to be happy

How you can get to Heaven anyway.

The title of this video is not an accusation, but rather an admission to oneself. Whoever discovers this also recognizes the impossibility of changing this himself. But then the way opens by itself...

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When I was a child and teenager, there was something I just didn't understand. I remember one particular morning very well. I was about 12 years old and just on my way to school. I was walking down the hill toward the streetcar stop, thinking to myself, "Why is everyone around me unhappy? Why do all my friends, classmates, and adults worry all the time?" I just didn't understand. And I felt strangely different, almost wrong.

Later, as a young adult, I even thought there was something wrong with me: "Do I  have problems too in reality, but just repress them? Am I just closing my eyes to reality and the problems that everyone sees?" I felt unworldly and even naive.

Today I know how much people want this very freedom from worries and problems, and yet they stubbornly insist on the very problems and worries they would so like to be rid of. And I too have discovered, in my many years with my Master Soham and with my Guru Swamiji, that I too have these hidden worries, this distrust of life. So what is going on there?

Perhaps you are a person who recognizes yourself here. This is exactly what this video is about, but the title is not an accusation, on the contrary. If you recognize in yourself that which does not want to be happy at all, you will experience a surprise. And certainly it is not a surprise if I now tell you: this is exactly what Samarpan Meditation helps with.

Complete text for reading along:

Good morning.

This morning I want to talk about happiness. And the title of this video is rather provocative: "you don't want to be happy". This title can be understood in two different ways. And the one way would be as if it's a scolding, like: "oh, it's your fault, you don't want to be happy! Why do you complain? It's your fault, why don't you be different?" And, of course, this is not the way I say it. It's like this: for me, it's always very very helpful when I discover what my actual challenge is. Once I discover what the real problem is, then it's much easier to find a solution. As long as I don't understand the nature of a problem, I think: this is the reason, or that is the reason. I then I look for solutions which don't work.

But once I understand what the true nature of a problem is, the root cause, then the problem is almost solved, just by understanding it. And this is how I say this. It's like: "interesting, look! Isn't it interesting? You don't want to be happy!" With this kind of attitude and feeling I say this. And of course, I want to tell you why I say this, because I know it's a strong title. Let's start by looking at what happiness actually is. When I say: "you don't want to be happy", what is happiness? What is it what you think happiness means for you? It is like this that every human being, whether he or she knows it or not, is thriving for happiness.

And usually, this thriving is unconscious. We don't know that we look for happiness, we just have some assumptions about what would make me happy, and then I'm running after that. But then I'm just running after something, and I forgot why I do this in the first place. I start running after success, or after money, or after love or sex or power, whatever it is, because I have the feeling this is important for me, this will make me happy. And maybe you want to take a moment and look into yourself and look for those things where you believe: "ah, this, this is important for me to be happy. This is what I need to become happy".

And this is the normal state of most human beings: that we have these assumptions: this is what will make me happy. And it can be little things: a new car, a new girlfriend, a better husband, more money, or it can be grand things: peace on Earth, enlightenment, liberation, freedom. "When I'm truly free, then I will be happy!" And this is what all human beings keep trying since thousands and thousands and thousands of years, and they all discover: it doesn't work. Everybody discovers: it doesn't work. And yet, everybody tries again and again and again. There are beautiful stories, some of them I already told in former videos, of people who achieved that where everybody else thinks: "oh when I would be in that situation, if I would reach there, then I would surely be happy!"

But those people who arrived there, they discover: "oh, I'm not happy. I arrived... you know, I worked all my life to arrive here, and now I'm here, and I'm not happy". Some people play the lottery, because they think: if I would have a little bit more money, if I don't have to worry about money anymore, then I will be happy. And then they win, and they have more money that they will ever need, but they're not happy, quite the contrary. Most of these people become utterly unhappy. Their life falls apart completely. It's not only that they didn't become happy, the opposite happens: their unhappiness becomes deeper.

There's a story of Abraham Lincoln. He once was the President of the United States of America, and he worked hard on becoming a President. He was a very good politician. He knew how to dance with power and with people, and that was his life goal, to become President, so then he could do what he thinks is right. And he achieved. He became the President. And the story goes that in that night where he became President, he was sitting alone in his room in his house, alone and totally sad. And his wife asked him: "what is the matter with you? You should be celebrating. You should be happy, but here you are, you are crying". And he said: "you know, this is what I was working on my whole life. I thought this will make me happy, and now I achieved, and now I see: I'm not happy". And these kinds of stories touch me.

There's another one. The most successful rock band of all times, this where the Bee Gees, they were so successful, it's unbelievable. And there's a famous interview with these guys, and they talk about this. They said: "We reached everything a human being can achieve in this area of life. We made more money than anybody ever before. We have more fans, more people who love us and admire us than anybody. Nobody ever had this. And there's no happiness in it." And it's often like this, maybe you experienced this in your life yourself, that sometimes you achieve your goal, and with this achievement comes a kind of a depression, a kind of a falling into sadness, because that what you were running after is now here, but the happiness you were actually looking for through this is not here.

And this is so disillusioning. It's like... that's what Abraham Lincoln said: "you know, I reached where I thought I need to reach to become happy. Now I'm here, I'm unhappy still, and now I don't know what to do. I reached as far as a human being can reach on this planet, I'm not happy. What can I do now?" He realized he's in a dead-end street. He didn't have anywhere else to go, but he was still unhappy. And that's what every human being experiences, and maybe you know these experiences too. You achieved your goal, but you're not happy. Now what? You don't have another goal which could make you happy.

What now? And this is the point where some people start looking a little bit closer, and they begin to realize: obviously, happiness is not in gaining something. No matter how much I gain, no matter how many wishes I get fulfilled, they don't bring me happiness. And then they start looking a little bit closer at this happiness issue. They look a little bit closer and discover what they are actually looking for. They discover: when I look for power, for money, for material things, what I actually want is freedom, freedom of worries, security so I don't have to worry.

They discover: I want all these things, I run after all these things, so I don't have to be fearful anymore, I won't be afraid anymore, I won't worry anymore. So, they discover: it is about not worrying; it is about the absence of those things which make me unhappy. And you cannot achieve this by gaining more things. You need to somehow get rid of the things which actually make you unhappy in the first place. So, you discover: no matter how much money I have, I'm still worrying. No matter how secure I am, no matter how much security I have, no matter how secure my life or the world feels right now, I'm still afraid of what might come.

So, you discover: the solution is not on the outside, the solution is not in making my life even more secure or having even more things so I feel content or safe or worry-free. You discover: these worries are just here. This fear is just here, in me. And that's the point where you begin to look really closely, and then you start on the spiritual path. You discover: wow, this is an interesting challenge. This is a challenge which has nothing to do with the world. This is a challenge which, in some way I don't understand, has to do with myself. I'm working all the time. I'm scared, I'm worried, I'm afraid no matter how my life is, no matter how the world is. What can I do? And then you listen to wise people. You listen to Gurus, you read wise books, and then you find the answer. The answer to this question was always here. Jesus talked about it. My guru Swamiji talks about it.

There's even this old saying, I don't know whether it translates directly into English, but in German it's basically saying: "wish-less happy". Happy without wishes. And that nails it. It says: if I don't have wishes, then I'm happy. Jesus said it. He said: why do you worry? He knew the challenge of mankind. He knew: everybody wants to be happy. And he knew why they're not happy: because they're worrying. He said: why do you worry? There's no reason.

There's a wonderful saying of my guru Swamiji. He says: "When man learns to accept everything, all of his problems disappear." It's the same thing what Jesus said, just in different words. If I am just okay with how everything is right now, no matter how it is, there's no problem anywhere. If I can let go of my worries, if I let go of my convictions that something should be different than it is, there I am: no problems, I am happy.

Now this sounds really easy. And it is really easy. But then you start trying this. Okay, you found out a new quest to happiness. You found out: "okay, no matter what I do externally, no matter how much I gain, these wishes remain, these worries remain, so how do I get rid of the worries how do I get rid of my wishes?" What to do? And then you learn letting go, and it seems so easy: "okay, I do this. Now that I understand what the problem is: me wanting, that's the problem, me worrying, ah this is the problem!" All our lives we try to solve the cause of our worries. We try to solve the cause of our wishes. We try to arrange the world so we don't worry anymore. We try to gain things so we don't wish anymore. But the wishing and the worrying never ends.

So, once we understand this, then we say: "okay, this is easy; now I understand what my problem really is. I just have to stop wanting. I just have to stop wishing. I just have to accept everything the way it is, but that's easy!" And then then you start doing this. And the next thing you discover is: "wow, it's not as easy as I thought." You have this wonderful moment where you discover this, this truth of happiness, this truth of life, and you just let go, and you experience such a bliss. You experience such a peace. You experience: "ah, that's what Jesus was talking about, this is the peace of God, yes! Now I know!" You just let go, you just accept, and your life becomes so easy. But what you discover then is that the next moment, before you know it, all your worries are back, all your wishes are back. They don't let go of you. You let go of them, but they don't let go of you.

For a moment, you tasted the freedom of worries, you tasted the freedom from wishes, from wants, and then you want to get rid of your wishes and you want to get rid of your worries, but somehow it doesn't work. It is as if the cat bites its own tail. It's like you have to begin to accept that you are the way you are, including your worries, including your fears, including your inability to let go, just the way you are, and then, when you try this, then you discover the truth about yourself. Then you hear these voices in you: "Wait a moment, I can't do this! If I do this, if I accept myself the way I am, I will be unhappy for the rest of my life! I have to do something! I have to work on myself! I have to learn this!"

That's what I mean with "the cat bites its own tail". You know: once you are wishless, you are happy. Once you let go of your worries, you will be happy. But then when you try this, you discover these deep-rooted convictions in you: "yes, but in order to become without worries, I need to get this, or I need to learn this, I need to gain this." So, what to do? When you are at this point, then you're ready for the true solution to all of your problems. Everybody says it's so easy. There's so many videos out there who say: yes, it's so easy; don't worry, it's so easy!" And it is! And yet, you find yourself at this spot where you are right now: it's so easy, and yet you can't. You can't do it. And then you start trying.

Then you practice this: how is it to be without worries? You begin to experiment with not taking your worries so serious, you let them go a little bit; or your wishes, all the things you have the feeling: "they are so important, they are my guides, they show me what's really important for me in my life." You start to try how it is to let them go, and then you discover something very interesting: you discover that they have a life of their own. It's like they are bouncing back all the time on you. It's like: you let them go, but they're still there. You begin to notice: they have a life of their own. They don't just go away.

You know: I don't want to wish anymore; I want to accept everything. But the non-acceptance is still here. The wishing comes back all the time.

And it is almost as if you begin to discover that there is something, somebody living in you, which has nothing to do with you, but it's still there, and it basically running you, running your life, and determining how you feel. And that's where the Samarpan Meditation comes in, in this deadlock, in this situation where you understand the problem, but you don't know how to get out of it. It's impossible to get out of it yourself. That's where the magic of the Samarpan Meditation comes in. The answer is meditation. And it works totally simple. It's like you... The meditation itself is really really easy, and basically what you do during the meditation is: you put your attention here, on the highest spot of your body, here, on the high spot of your head. In India, they call this spot the crown chakra. And for half an hour every morning, you sit down early in the morning, right after you woke up, and you sit down for half an hour with the only task to put your attention here, away from the thoughts, away from the wishes, away from the worries.

It's like a game, it's like a play, it's not serious. But what happens when you do this is: you discover: wow, I put my attention here, very easy, everybody can do this, every child can do this, but the next moment you find yourself back in thoughts. It's like: wow, how did I get here? I was just in my crown chakra with my attention, and suddenly I'm down here in my thoughts. How is this possible? And you return... don't worry about it, you just return here with your attention. In the next moment, you find yourself thinking about something really important which you shouldn't forget or which you must do. And you discover: this is interesting, this is freaky! I mean, I want to be here with my attention, but there's something pulling on me all the time. What is this? And then, in the meditation, you experience this which seemingly has its own life, its own power, which is constantly pulling on you.

You experience, and don't worry, it's not serious, it's really playful, it's almost fun... you experience how these thoughts don't want be left alone. They want your attention. All these worries, they don't want to be put away. They want you to hold on to them. And when I say: "just let go of your worries", it sounds so easy, and then you discover: "yes, I can let go for half a second, but then I'm back into the worries, I am back into the thoughts." So, you discover: you can't let go of them. It's not possible. You can't be like Jesus. You can't be like Mikael or somebody else you think is cool. You discover the reality of your state: you can't do this.

And it's good to notice this. You know, it's not a problem. But at the same time, you can discover what can help you anyway, and that's this meditation. You just sit down by meditating this simple meditation every morning, this is the one important thing: you need to do it every morning, because then, every morning, as your first experience of the day, you experience a little bit of distance between you and these crazy thoughts, between you and these strong worries which are sticky like chewing gum. They stick on you. And every time you come back here to the crown chakra. And then you're back in the worries, back in the thoughts, and you just come back. And you practice this every morning for half an hour. And then, after a while, you begin to experience how beautiful it is during these short moments where you are actually resting in your crown chakra, free of worry, free of thought, for just a split moment. And then you just experience again how it is to be back in the thoughts, back in the worries, and by experiencing both of these things again and again and again, thousands of times, there's something interesting happening.

You notice: "yes, there are these thoughts, yes, there are these worries", but you begin to experience it in a way as if it doesn't have anything to do with you. It's like a distance is being created between you, your awareness, and these thoughts and these worries, all this unquietness which lives somewhere in you. And then, as you experience this kind of quiet bliss, this true happiness, for moments, and then again, this craziness and this old habit of worrying, this old habit of thinking constantly, you discover: "interesting, yes, these thoughts are here, these worries are here, they really are in my way, they really are not helpful, but this is not me. There's a distance between you and them. They're still there, they're still bothering you all the time and making you unhappy, but it's like: interesting... it is as if you begin to see: these are not my thoughts. Yes, they are thoughts, they're here, no doubt about it. But this is not me. These worries, yes, they are here, they're bothering me, but this is not me. And then you notice: these thoughts, these worries, as if this is a being by itself, some creature....: they don't want to be happy, they don't want to be let go of. They have an interest in remaining alive. They don't want to be happy.

This energy which is pulling on you all the time, these thoughts, these worries, they don't want to be happy. And that's why I titled this video: "you don't want to be happy". This "you" what you begin to experience. You begin to experience: I'm happy, and there is this in me which constantly works on being unhappy. Somehow it doesn't have anything to do with me, but it is there. This doesn't want to be happy, but I can be happy anyway." And the longer you do this meditation, the longer you practice this every morning for half an hour, week by week, month by month, the more you do this, the more you discover this state of happiness despite the thoughts, despite the worries. It is as if slowly, slowly, they lose their power over you. They still don't want to be happy, but you begin to be happy more and more anyway. It is like you stopped worrying about your worries, you stopped thinking about your thoughts. You stopped trying to get rid of them. You stopped trying to solve the worries, to solve the problems.

You just practice meditating, you practice being here, not worrying about all these things which make your life miserable, for half an hour every day. And by doing this, something amazing happens. You become happy more and more, and these thoughts and these worries are still there, but you become more and more detached from them. It happens by itself. It is almost as if you cannot let go of them, it's not possible, they are too sticky, you are too identified with them. But by doing this meditation, indirectly something detaches you from them, more and more and more.

It is like: we can't do it directly. It is like: we cannot do it ourselves, but it happens just by meditating this meditation for half an hour every day. Then you begin to experience this brief quiet happiness first thing of the day every morning a little bit just for moments. Meditation is really easy. The only thing you need is patience. It's really really simple. And I want to mention one thing. You know, meditation is "en vogue" right now. Everybody thinks meditation is cool, whether they meditate or not. If a book talks about meditation, it becomes a bestseller. Everybody wants to read about it, know about it. And people think they know what meditation is, but in my experience, it is like this that most, almost all of what's called meditation, is in reality not meditation. It's a more or less helpful practice, but it is still a doing, it's still a wanting something. You still work on some achievement. You still want to get somewhere; you still want to gain something. But this true letting go of anything I want, of anything I want to achieve, this is not happening through most things which are labeled meditation.

But the Samarpan Meditation... "Samarpan", the word "Samarpan" is Sanskrit. It comes from India, and it means: letting go, surrender. Samarpan means: surrender. And this is the only meditation I met in my life which is truly about this surrender, this true letting go. It's like: "okay, I'm fed up, now I accept everything". And then you meditate the Samarpan Meditation. And then you meditate and you notice: "I can't do it, I can't let go, I can't surrender. These wishes, these worries, all these thoughts, they are just a part of me. What can I do?" But you don't worry about it, you just meditate the way you are. And then the magic happens by itself.

The meditation is so easy, you don't need to do anything other than returning with your attention here again and again. And the one thing you need is the patience to stick with it, to come back again and again and again, because you will discover in this meditation: "I can't do this. My thoughts are too strong. They get me again and again and again. It's frustrating. I'm stupid. This is impossible for me." And then to come back anyway, and to try it again: just rest here; just accept everything.

You accept yourself the way you are, no matter how stupid you feel, no matter how incapable you feel. That's the only thing you really need. And it's interesting, you know... When you start this meditation, one of the first things happening for everybody is: you begin to notice the reality of yourself. You begin to discover: I can't do this. I thought this letting go is all I need to do. And it is. And you thought: oh, this just stop worrying is all I need to do. And this is the truth. But you discover: I can't do this. And then you think: I'm stupid. I'm wrong. I'm an idiot. But of course, this is also again just thoughts. This is just again the cat biting its own tail. You judge yourself, and there you are: back in the thoughts.

And just be in this impossible situation. Be the way you are, in the situation where you clearly feel you can't do anything. And you meditate anyway. You just meditate every morning. You just meditate for half an hour every morning, month by month, year by year, and all this will change. You can't do it directly, no matter what anybody else tells you, it doesn't work directly.

My master Soham taught me this. He taught me to accept myself the way I am, and that meant for me: realizing how incapable I am; realizing that I really am an idiot; I cannot even do the simplest thing: I cannot even stop worrying. I cannot even control my attention. And accepting this, being with this again and again and again, that's the only thing you need: patience for this. That's the only challenge. And when you meditate this meditation every day, you will discover... in the beginning you come to a point where you begin to experience this happiness, this quiet bliss. It's very encouraging, it's such a good experience. But you will also experience another point, where you feel this hopelessness; where you discover: it leads nowhere. I'm not strong enough. You experience the power of these thoughts, of this conviction: I must take care of my life, I must make sure that my future is secure, I must this, I must that, this is important, that is important... These things come back with a vengeance, with a very strong power. And then, to have the stubbornness and the patience to just remain at it and keep meditating, that's the only thing you need. Everything else happens by itself.

And then, you still don't want to be happy, all your thoughts... this is by the way what's called "ego". This entity in you which you discover, which has its own life seemingly. It's not, it's dead, but it feels like this. That's what's called ego. And the ego doesn't want you to be happy. The ego does not want to be happy. Happiness destroys the ego. So, here you are: you're just trying to meditate, you're just practicing this again and again, and you experience the power of this ego, of these thoughts, of these worries, day by day, but you remain. You remain stubborn. You just meditate every day, and then the magic happens, slowly slowly. That which you cannot achieve by yourself directly, happens by itself.

These thoughts, these convictions, these worries, this ego slowly slowly loses power. And that what you really are, this indescribable happiness, that slowly slowly grows, just over time, just by you doing nothing but being here and doing this utterly simple meditation. The only thing you need is this patience, that's all. And then your ego can be as unhappy as it wants, and you become more and more just quiet and totally content and happy. That's all. That's all. It's really simple. And then you discover... what you discover then is: I, this what I really am, not these thoughts, not these worries, not these convictions, not this ego, not this busy thing deep inside of me which always wants and does something, no...

This what you then begin to experience in you, this what I am truly, that wants to be happy. It's the nature of what you truly are, it's your nature to be happy. And then you just want to be happy, and you just are happy. And then, this vicious circle, this cat biting its tail, has been interrupted. How? You cannot explain how this... That's why many people say it's pure grace. What they say with this is: it must happen by itself, by the Guru's grace, by God's grace, by life's grace, and that's what is happening through the simple meditation.

Everybody can do this. And what I do is: I tell you about it and I want to borrow you my patience, because that's all you need. You think this is a long process, but you know... maybe it's helpful for you to understand: in this life, today, when you begin this today... until today, every single day of your life, you were only practicing thinking, worrying. You only practiced giving importance to these thoughts and worries every single day of your life. And not only this. I don't have an awareness of past lives, but somehow, I know they exist, so I know: for many, many, many lives as a human being, we already practiced this worrying, thinking, giving this false entity, this ego, all the importance. That's what we were practicing, not only every single day of this life, but so many lives before that.

And now, for the very first time in the history of humanity, you begin to practice something different. And when you take on this challenge, when you try to do this, to look into another direction, to let go of this, you do something unheard of, something you never tried before. You do the opposite of what you practiced thousands and thousands and thousands of years. So, it's only natural that it will take a few years to learn this. A few years is not much to reverse a suffering which lasts since many many lives for all mankind.

So, it's not really long. It's really a very very quick process, but it feels like a long process, and that's why you need patience. And you need patience to not listen to this energy in you which wants to convince you: "hey, we are important. These convictions, these thoughts, these worries, there are very important. If you ignore us, your life will go down the drain." And all you need is the patience to ignore this again and again and again. And this patience, I have. This patience, I borrow you happily.

And then what you discover at the end of this process: the more you rest in this quiet happiness, in this Heaven, the more you realize: "wow, all these worries, they were all needless." You discover: "I never had any reason to worry." It's like you begin to experience life as it truly functions, and there is really no need to worry. But when a Jesus says this, or when I say this or any Guru says this, it's so hard to imagine that this is true while we are still stuck in our worries. But then you begin to notice: "wow, there was never any need to worry. I was always totally safe and secure, always." But as I said: it doesn't help you to hear this. You have to find out for yourself, and this is the way.

All the things I talk about, they only mean anything for you if you find out for yourself. And this totally simple meditation is the way, It's so simple. And I give you my patience for this.

Thank you for listening. Thank you for being here with me.

I love you.

I love you.