The Return of Innocence

Good morning.

I am happy that I can make another video this morning.

Sometimes, I receive letters which describe in a wonderful, amazing way the drama of the spiritual path.

And although each person experiences this drama of the spiritual path in a different way, the key aspects of it are always the same. And I have received such a letter recently, and the writer of this letter describes her situation and her drama, her difficulty, so accurately, so beautifully, that I would like to read this letter out, and then I would like to talk about this for the rest of the video.

"About four weeks ago, you crossed my path in search of the answer. I have been working as a psychotherapist for about ten years. I could be very happy financially, but I am the sole breadwinner, and this means that I have to support my husband, and I have to work for everything. All the possessions are a pure burden that weighs on me like heavy sandbags. At the same time, I have been on a path of realization for many years. Five years ago, I had a profound universal experience that was out of this world.

It came just like that, completely unplanned. At first, I wanted to have the experience back, which hasn't happened in that way since. Then, I longed – and I still do to this day – to go home, to finally be allowed to go home. But the good Lord didn't seem to have that in mind for me, at least not now. Since then, I have not become happier, but deliberately unhappier. I have been extremely anxious ever since. I don't think I was even aware that I was unhappy before.

This is due to the traumas in my childhood: the separation from my mother as a toddler and the suicide attempts by my mother. Since five years, I have been feeling worse and worse, even though I am realizing more and more deeply what I really am. So, on the one hand, the matter has me in its grip and, on the other, the real thing. I can actually say that I have become more and more consciously unhappy on the spiritual path. It's like a struggle between my mind and the development which is taking place right now.

I mostly feel unprotected, exposed, and helpless. This is also because my husband can't understand and accompany me on my path. Walking the spiritual path is not that easy. In my therapeutic work, I haven't been able to separate myself well since five years. That was never a problem before. I've become even more empathic, which is nice, but the boundary I had before is gone. A lot is happening at the moment; lots of problems with money and especially with my health. My heart will soon no longer be able to cope.

It's getting worse and worse. And then comes the wish: dear God, take me to yourself. I can't take it anymore. Can I do that? And I am I ungrateful? I was once so grateful after my first experience five years ago. And then, I hear what you say. It's such a comfort, and I can understand everything so well. There are no questions left unanswered. But the most important thing for me is: I don't need to change anything. I don't need to do anything, except meditate. Yes, I used to meditate, but half-heartedly.

My mother, who is a Zen Master, taught me, but Zen was too strict for me. Nevertheless, I have been influenced by Zen. Samarpan Meditation is very similar, but I don't have to do anything. I meditate in the morning, as you recommended, and the amazing thing is: despite all the thoughts coming at me in a flood, that half an hour seems so much shorter. I just do it now, and I try not to want anything. Zen meditation used to be pure agony. My question to you: am I trying to escape into ever new paths?

First, Zen, then the spiritual circle of friends, and now Samarpan Meditation? Is this my mind saying that I am just escaping from the terrible, material world? It could also be that Zen is too strict for me. You have to sit properly and strictly adhere to everything. That's how I was brought up. In my circle of spiritual friends, they say that you have to participate properly – although voluntarily –, which I also find strict."

The emergence of ego and seriousness

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Thank you for your letter. Thank you so much.

You know, there is something really interesting. Somebody like Jesus, somebody like a Buddha, somebody like an old Zen Master – a real Zen Master –, they are the opposite of 'strict'. They are completely unserious.

Their energy, their frequency, is of non-seriousness, of lightness, and when you come to such a being, everything becomes easy. Suddenly, you can't even remember your problems anymore.

Somebody like Jesus, like a Buddha, like an old Zen Master, they are the opposite of 'strict'. They are completely unserious. Their energy, their frequency, is of non-seriousness, of lightness, and when you come to such a being, everything becomes easy. Suddenly, you can't even remember your problems anymore.

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And then you hear him or her speak about the things you have been trying to do all your life under great difficulty with no success. And you listen to them, and it sounds so easy, and you know: it is true. It is like this.

The true Master radiates this ease.

There is just no problem anywhere.

But then, on the other hand, that what develops out of this – the religions which developed based on Jesus, based on Buddha, or traditions like the Zen meditation which developed from some ancient Zen masters –, they are so complicated, difficult, strict, and serious. And there you get the feeling that you have no chance: no matter how long you are on the path, you will never succeed; this is the woven-in feeling of these religions and of these traditions.

Why is that so? Well, that's really simple.

All these things – the religion, like Christian religion or Buddhism, or traditions of certain practices like Zen meditation –, they have not been established by the Master. Jesus was not a Christian. Buddha was not a Buddhist.

The old Master was not a Zen Master. That stuff, the disciples created later. But the disciples didn't understand the Master. The disciples didn't have the same attitude like the Master, the same eyes.

The disciples were like you; like normal people. To them, everything looked difficult. To them, everything looked serious.

And that's why that what came out of this, all the religions, all the traditions, are like that: serious, strict, difficult, endless, with no hope.

The religions and traditions have not been established by the Master. Jesus was not a Christian. Buddha was not a Buddhist. The old Master was not a Zen Master. Disciples created this later, but they didn't understand the Master. They were like you; to them, everything looked difficult, serious. That's why all the religions and traditions, are like that: serious, difficult.

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And that what you feel, this strictness, this heaviness, that is very old.

It's not that it's a fault of Christianity, that Christianity is like this. It's not the fault of Buddhism that Buddhism is like this. And it's not the fault of Zen meditation, that Zen meditation is so strict and so serious and so uptight.

The lost paradise

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Humans have been like this since ages and ages. That's the basic human condition. It's so old and so basic that one of the first stories in the Bible talk about this. I mentioned it in many of my videos, because it's so basic. It's the basic difficulty and the basic challenge of human life. And you know the story. It's the story from Adam and Eve in the Garden Eden, in paradise. This story is about humanity. Humanity was in paradise, and there was no problem anywhere.

Adam and Eve were one with God. Every day they met; there was no separation; there was no distance; there was no problem.

But in the Garden of Eden, there was a tree, the "tree of the fruit of the knowledge of good and bad". And God said to Adam and Eve: "Hey. Do whatever you want. Enjoy. But don't eat from that fruit." But we did, of course.

And what does this mean? The tree of the knowledge of good and bad – it means: the ability to judge; the ability to say: this is good and this is bad. God said to the humans: "Listen. You can do whatever you want, but if you start judging, you will ruin everything."

So, humans became capable of judgment – and we did. We started judging. And the first thing we judged was ourselves and each other.

God said to Adam and Eve: "Enjoy. But don't eat from that fruit." The tree of the knowledge of good and bad – it means: the ability to judge; God said to the humans: "Do whatever you want, but if you start judging, you will ruin everything." And we did. We started judging. And the first thing we judged was ourselves and each other.

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And it's described in this ancient Bible story so beautifully. Adam and Eve, they ate from the fruit, and the next morning, God came, like every day, but he couldn't find Adam. And he said: "Adam, where are you? What's wrong?" And Adam said: "I am hiding, because I am naked."

That means translated: "I am wrong. I can't show myself to you like this." Mankind had become capable of judgment, and the first thing we judged was ourselves. And by this, the innocence was gone. It was the birth hour of ego. It was the time where the 'I' was created. We had become capable of seeing ourselves. By this judgment, by this judgment of ourselves, we created the 'I', and that 'I' was wrong, and separate from God.

Adam and Eve, they ate from the fruit, and the next morning, God came but couldn't find Adam. Adam said: "I am hiding, because I am naked." That means: "I am wrong. I can't show myself to you like this." Mankind had become capable of judgment, and the first thing we judged was ourselves. And by this, the innocence was gone.

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And suddenly, Adam and Eve were unable to show themselves to God. I love this old story. Of course, it's just an image. It's just an ancient description of what happened inside man: we started judging, and by this, the 'I', the ego, got created: "I am good. I am bad. I do this. I do that." And through this, the innocence got lost. We transported ourselves out of paradise. It's not that there was an angry God throwing us out of paradise.

Suddenly, Adam and Eve were unable to show themselves to God. I love this old story. It's an ancient description of what happened inside man: we started judging, and by this, the 'I', the ego, got created: "I am good. I am bad. I do this. I do that." And through this, the innocence got lost. We transported ourselves out of paradise.

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God said: "Hey. Do whatever you want, but if you start judging, you will ruin it for yourself." And that's what we did. And I tell you the story right now, here, because this is something ancient. Since then, since thousands and thousands and thousands of years, the basic attitude of humans was this seriousness, this strictness, this wrongness, this ego, and the ease and freedom, the freedom from ego, the free freedom from judgment, that was gone.

It's not that there was an angry God throwing us out of paradise. God said: "Hey. Do whatever you want, but if you start judging, you will ruin it for yourself." And that's what we did.

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The hell of seriousness

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So, what you experience in Zen is simply the fruit of the human condition.

The old Zen Master – who was not a Zen Master; he was just a Guru who was meditating probably, with great fun and joy –, he was such an amazing being, such a gentle being, such a happy being that other people started noticing. So, disciples gathered around him. They couldn't understand what the Master was doing. They couldn't understand where this happiness came from.

And then, the Master was dead. They tried to continue what he was doing. They tried to meditate just like he did, but they didn't understand the secret, so they did it their way – and that was serious, strict, difficult, and complicated. And that happened in Christianity, and that happened in Buddhism. It happens everywhere. It's natural. It's not that there's somebody who is bad and mean, trying to make it difficult for somebody else.

The old Zen Master was such a gentle, happy being that other people started noticing. But the disciples couldn't understand where this happiness came from. And when the Master was dead, they tried to meditate just like he did, but they didn't understand the secret, so they did it their way – and that was serious, strict, difficult, and complicated.

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It's just how we humans are. In the Bible, it's called the "Original Sin": that what is being passed on from the father to the son. That's how it's being said in the Bible. This attitude towards life; this belief: "I am somebody", this judging, this lost innocence, this inner attitude is being picked up by the children of each generation. So, that's why we are like this to this day.

In the Bible, it's called the "Original Sin": that what is being passed on from the father to the son; this attitude towards life; this belief: "I am somebody", this judging, this lost innocence, this inner attitude is being picked up by the children of each generation. That's why we are like this to this day.

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And you are like this too. You suffer from the strictness of Zen meditation. You suffer from the strictness of your Zen Master mother. But it's not her fault that she is like this, and you are the same. You have the same seriousness. You have the same strictness in you, and that makes life a hell.

You are the same. You have the same seriousness. You have the same strictness in you, and that makes life a hell.

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So, what to do?

To undo this, we have to just undo what had happened in the very beginning.

We stop judging. We stop thinking about things. We just don't look at things as good or bad, but we just accept them the way they are. That's easy. Every child can do it. And then, the 'I' disappears. And then the strictness disappears, and the seriousness, and all the problems disappear.

So, what to do? To undo this, we have to just undo what had happened in the very beginning. We stop judging. We stop thinking about things. We just don't look at things as good or bad, but we just accept them the way they are. And then, the 'I' disappears, and the strictness disappears, and the seriousness, and all the problems disappear.

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And how do you do this practically?

By meditating.

You just practice every day for half an hour, preferably in the morning, that you just don't think. You just don't give attention to the thoughts, but you rest in your crown chakra for half an hour every day. And as you describe, there is a flood of thoughts, but you do it without any seriousness.

You just ignore the thoughts, and you return to the stillness, to the crown chakra, again and again and again. And by practicing this – this absence of judgment, this absence of thoughts... I mean, the thoughts can be there, but you just don't pay them any attention. By doing this, your own seriousness, your own strictness, your own weight is being dissolved. You don't know how. It happens by itself.

And that's what you discover. You discovered the secret of how to become light again, of how to become unserious and happy.

The drama of the spiritual path

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Now, the drama of the spiritual path is that in the beginning, all you know is the hell, and you don't even know that you are in hell, because it's so normal for you.

You don't know that this is crazy what we are doing as human beings, because everybody is like this.

And then, by some grace, you have an experience of the truth, like you had five years ago.

And what happens by that is that, suddenly, you know that everything you do is stupid and wrong. You got a taste of reality. You got a taste that in reality, everything is totally different than what we believe. You got a taste of freedom, of lightness, of Heaven – but you have no idea how to get there. But you can't go back into your old life. Now you know: this doesn't work. But you don't know what works. You don't know how to get back to where you just were for this amazing experience.

By some grace, you have an experience of the truth. You got a taste of freedom, of lightness, of Heaven. You have no idea how to get there, but you can't go back into your old life. Now you know: this doesn't work. But you don't know what works. You don't know how to get back to where you just were for this amazing experience.

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And then, your life starts falling apart. You don't believe in your old life anymore. It's like, the foundation of your old life has been taken away from underneath of your feet, but you don't have any new foundation.

And you can't do the old anymore, but you don't know what to do instead. And that's your situation, and that's not easy.

And then, your life starts falling apart. You don't believe in your old life anymore. It's like, the foundation of your old life has been taken away from underneath of your feet, but you don't have any new foundation. And you can't do the old anymore, but you don't know what to do instead. And that's your situation, and that's not easy.

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But you discovered the path.

It's like your life starts falling apart, and this is necessary.

And by you meditating every morning... By you meditating every morning, you start laying the new foundation, which is in you.

You write it so beautifully: you feel insecure, unsafe. You don't know where to stand on anymore. The ground which was normal for you all your life, you don't trust this old ground anymore. You know: this ground doesn't carry, and now you feel unsafe. Everything wobbles. You don't trust anything anymore.

That's what some people call the "Dark Night of the Soul". But it's not a night. It's a phase of life – many years. And it's this time in life where the old starts falling apart, simply because you cannot believe it anymore. You know: this is all not important; this is all not what this life is about. But you don't know anything new. But the new is growing.

You feel insecure, unsafe. You don't know where to stand on anymore. The ground which was normal for you all your life, you don't trust this old ground anymore. You know: this ground doesn't carry. You don't trust anything anymore. That's what some people call the "Dark Night of the Soul". But it's not a night. It's a phase of life – many years.

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It's growing since a long time in you. You just don't know it. And by you meditating every day, you support this new in you. Slowly, slowly, through the Samarpan Meditation, your inner awareness, what Swamiji calls the soul consciousness, that is growing day by day. And by the extent that this is growing, your focus on the old, on the outside, on your body and the world, is diminishing.

It's this time in life where the old starts falling apart, simply because you cannot believe it anymore. You know: this is not what this life is about. But you don't know anything new. But the new is growing since a long time in you. You just don't know it. And by you meditating every day, you support this new in you. It is growing day by day.

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Swamiji – this is the Indian Guru who is bringing the Samarpan Meditation into society –, he says: the soul consciousness gets stronger, and the body consciousness gets less. And when you do this for a while, just for a few months or years, this new fundament in you is growing. And then, you have your safe ground back, but now, it's a real save ground. This ground you discover now, that ground carries. That is eternal. That doesn't go away, ever.

And when you do this for a while, just for a few months or years, this new fundament in you is growing. And then, you have your safe ground back, but now, it's a real save ground. This ground you discover now, that ground carries. That is eternal. That doesn't go away, ever.

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You are allowed to take it easy and enjoy

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And the challenge of the spiritual path now is that this takes time, and that's why you need trust. But you don't have trust. You are desperate, you are scared, and I don't blame you. But life sends you trust, in the form of other people who know where you are and who know where you are going. Then, you meet a Guru or you meet a Jesus or you meet a funny guy like me, and then, you hear them talk, and then you know: "Ah... Everything is good."

You just know. It's not what I say. My words are... The words don't really do anything, but you feel the energy. You feel the reality of the Guru's being, and that you trust. There you feel: "This is real. This works." And that's all you need. All you need, in the time of your life where you are right now, is this trust you already discovered.

The challenge of the spiritual path now is that this takes time, and that's why you need trust. But you don't have trust. But life sends you trust, in the form of other people who know where you are and who know where you are going. You feel the reality of the Guru's being, and that you trust. There you feel: "This is real. This works." And that's all you need.

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And then, it's easy to have the one thing which is required of you now, and that's just patience. It feels like you are in a world which is crumbling down, which is falling apart. You see problems everywhere in your financial life, in your professional life. Everywhere it feels like it doesn't work. And now it's just about being where you are. You don't have to do anything.

You don't have to change anything, and you don't have to change yourself, but you just stay where you are, and you patiently wait until this new gets stronger. And you can support this, just by meditating. And the less serious you meditate, the more playful you meditate, the more you enjoy the meditation, the better it is. 'Meditating' is the absence of thought. Meditation is the absence of any seriousness, of any strictness.

Now it's just about being where you are. You don't have to do anything. You don't have to change anything, but just stay where you are and wait patiently until this new gets stronger. And you can support this by meditating, and the less serious and the more playful you meditate, the more you enjoy it, the better it is.

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And then, the doubts come, and that is also perfectly normal, because your old conditioning, your old mind, is still there: the seriousness, the thoughts, the strictness, and they say: "Wait a moment. That's too easy. You just escape from your difficult life."

That's the doubt every human being gets at this point where you are at right now. The mind says: "This is too easy. In reality, it's difficult. It's hard. You have to work hard. You have to do everything right. Here, you fool yourself. This is too easy."

Don't listen. You know better. You feel the truth that you can trust.

That's the doubt every human being gets at this point where you are at right now. The mind says: "This is too easy. In reality, it's difficult. It's hard. You have to work hard. You have to do everything right. Here, you fool yourself. This is too easy." Don't listen. You know better. You feel the truth that you can trust.

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Yes... And that's why I say occasionally: it's easy. This path is easy, simply because you don't have to do anything. You just live your life every day, as it is. You just give your best. More is not needed.

And the rest happens by itself.

You discover Heaven – again and again

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In Paradise, what happened was that the 'I' got created, and with the 'I', all the problems started. And since then, you believe: "I have to do it. I have to be capable. I have to rectify the situation. I have to do it right – especially meditating, especially coming to Heaven, especially meeting God. I have to do this right."

And the only difficulty of this spiritual path is that it's about losing this 'I', losing the sense that "I have to do it, and if I don't do it, everything will break apart. Everything will fall apart." So, now, your 'I' tells you: "No! You can't do this. You need me. You have to do it. You have to do it right." The 'I' cannot imagine a life without 'I'. For this mindset, for this inner attitude, it's impossible.

In Paradise, what happened was that the 'I' got created, and with the 'I', all the problems started. And since then, you believe: "I have to do it. I have to be capable. I have to do it right – especially meditating, especially coming to Heaven, especially meeting God." And it's about losing this 'I', losing the sense that "I have to do it."

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That's why the disciples could not understand the Master. The disciples of the old Master where Zen meditation developed out of later, they simply could not conceive how their Master was living. It was unimaginable for them. They couldn't even think this. That's why they couldn't see it. That's why they couldn't copy it, because it was completely foreign to them.

The 'I' cannot imagine a life without 'I'. That's why the disciples could not understand the Master. The disciples of the old Master simply could not conceive how their Master was living. That's why they couldn't see it. That's why they couldn't copy it, because it was completely foreign to them.

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And now, you experience that it is possible.

And now, it's just a back and forth. More and more you will experience this ease, this "Oh, yes. It's so easy." And again and again, you will experience all of your doubts, the heaviness of your thoughts, the prison of your old attitude which makes life look hostile and very, very difficult.

And then, again you will discover anew this lightness and the miracle of meditation. You can be prepared for this. It will go back and forth again and again. Just make your home there. Don't run away. It is like this, but it changes by itself. And the longer you meditate, the longer these phases become where you just know: "Ah, that's how it works.

And now, it's just a back and forth. More and more you will experience this ease, and again and again, you will experience your doubts, the heaviness of your thoughts which makes life look hostile and difficult. And then, again you will discover anew this lightness and the miracle of meditation. It will go back and forth. Just make your home there. Don't run away.

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I just say yes. I just play." And these phases where you feel heavy and responsible for your life and where you have this amazing, strong conviction, "I have to do it. If I don't manage, something terrible will happen", these phases will get less and less and shorter and shorter. It's a growing process. This new, that's what I mentioned earlier, this soul awareness, this is growing stronger and stronger inevitably when you meditate. It's like a tree you plant in your garden. This tree is growing, it just takes time, and before you know it, it's a huge, strong tree.

And for me, it's the same.

It's still going back again and again, but less and less, shorter and shorter, more and more rarely.

And it's good like this. Each time you forget, you can remember again, and then you can rejoice again in this new discovery of paradise, of Heaven.

And it's nothing mental. It's practical. My advice to you is: just live your life, no matter how impossible it is – and meditate. Just keep breathing. Just keep working every day. Do it as well as you can, no matter how wrong you do it. With or without borders, with or without abilities, just do what you can do – and meditate. And wonders will start happening, the miracles, I tell you.

Just live your life, no matter how impossible it is – and meditate. Just keep breathing. Just keep working every day. Do it as well as you can, no matter how wrong you do it.

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The support comes from inside

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You say that your path is so difficult because your husband cannot support you in this path, but this is not true. You are used to look towards the outside for support, but that's not where you find the support. Nobody can help you. But the support you need, you find in yourself. And that's why the meditation is so helpful. The meditation turns you inwards, and there, you find that what saves you. There you find the energy you need.

There you find the support. There you find the consolation. Your husband cannot give it to you. You think you are on the spiritual path but your husband isn't, and he cannot support you, but this is not true. Even if he would be just as spiritual as you are, even if he would be at the same point like you, he couldn't help you. It's even better this way. If both of you were where you are right now, you both would be lost.

You are used to look towards the outside for support, but that's not where you find the support. The support you need, you find in yourself, and that's why the meditation is so helpful. It turns you inwards, and there, you find that what saves you. There you find the energy you need. There you find the support. There you find the consolation.

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At least he is a normal guy and he can love you, and he can just be with you. He doesn't understand you at all, but he is here, and this is a tremendous support. But the support for your path inside, that you find inside. There, you find everything. Just turn inwards again and again and again. And with turning inwards, I mean: just meditate. Don't think. Don't know anything. Don't do anything. Just enjoy this meditation during the day, with open eyes.

You think your husband cannot support you because he is not on the spiritual path, but this is not true. If both of you were where you are right now, you both would be lost. At least he is a normal guy and he can love you. He doesn't understand you, but he is here, and this is a tremendous support. The support for your path inside, that you find inside.

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And the more you do this, the easier your outward life becomes. It's almost like a miracle.

Just turn inwards again and again and again. And with turning inwards, I mean: just meditate. Don't think. Don't know anything. Don't do anything. Just enjoy this meditation during the day, with open eyes. And the more you do this, the easier your outward life becomes. It's almost like a miracle.

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So, to answer your question which you had at the end of your email: no, you are not running away by switching paths all the time. It's natural that your mind tells you: "Wait a moment. You are just escaping from the problems. Stay here. Take care of the problems."

You are discovering the one thing which really works, and this is unthinkable for the mind. You are just discovering the light.

Just keep meditating. Stay where you are. Live your life. Don't change anything – and meditate.

Everything else will take care of itself.

You are discovering the one thing which really works, and this is unthinkable for the mind. You are just discovering the light. Just keep meditating. Stay where you are. Live your life. Don't change anything – and meditate. Everything else will take care of itself.

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The experience from back then - forget it

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And I would like to take another look into this email because I forgot something.

Yes, I want to talk about your experience you had five years ago.

This is also a challenge for every person on that path. This is part of the of this drama. You had this experience five years ago, this amazing experience, and you want it back. But you notice: it doesn't work. It doesn't come back.

Forget the experience. Don't think about it anymore. Don't want it back. Don't long for it. Instead, choose this what is here now. I know, this is asking a lot, but that's what's helpful. You see, when you experienced this five years ago, it happened unexpectedly, in the moment. You didn't wait for it. You didn't even know that this is possible.

You had this amazing experience five years ago, and you want it back. But you notice: it doesn't work. It doesn't come back. Forget the experience. Don't think about it anymore. Don't want it back. Don't long for it. Instead, choose this what is here now. I know, this is asking a lot, but that's what's helpful.

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And then, you had this experience, and it changed you. And then, the experience left again. But now, you remember the experience; now, you want it back – and then, you are in your thoughts. And this does not do you any good. So, don't think about it anymore. Don't talk about it anymore. Forget it.

When you experienced this five years ago, it happened unexpectedly, in the moment. You didn't wait for it. It came, changed you and left again. But now, you remember the experience; you want it back – and then, you are in your thoughts. And this does not do you any good. So, don't think about it anymore. Don't talk about it anymore. Forget it.

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It's no problem if occasionally, the memory of this experience comes to you. This is natural. And then, you can just be grateful. You say: "Oh, thank you, God." And then, you forget it again. But when I say, "forget it", I mean: don't do anything with it. Don't long for it. Don't try to remember it. Don't try to be thankful for it in retrospect.

Instead, be thankful for everything which is here now – that's alive thankfulness. Be thankful for your fear, for the problems, for the meditation, for everything you experience; be thankful for that. Forget the old, including this experience. That's the most helpful, and that's a hard one. That's really a hard one for most people at that point where you are at right now. Forget it. It's like

Stay in your hell

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You had a glimpse of Heaven. Now, you are back in hell, and I tell you: "Forget Heaven. Now, be in hell. But meditate." Now you are back in hell, and now, your task is to transform your life into that what you experienced for this one moment five years ago, and you do this by meditating. Five years ago, it was a gift, a teaser, a first taste. Now you know what's possible. Now you know how to get there, and now you meditate.

You had a glimpse of Heaven. Now, you are back in hell, and I tell you: "Forget Heaven. Now, be in hell. But meditate." Now you are back in hell, and now, your task is to transform your life into that what you experienced for this one moment five years ago, and you do this by meditating.

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And Heaven will come back, but now slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly. Now it's growing.

The first experience was sudden and complete. You didn't have to do anything for it. Now, you are back in your old life, and now, it takes time. But this time, it will stay forever.

Heaven will come back, but now slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly. Now it's growing. The first experience was sudden and complete. You didn't have to do anything for it. Now, you are back in your old life, and now, it takes time. But this time, it will stay forever.

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And then... I just mentioned to you: the longer you meditate, the longer these phases get where you experience this Heaven, and the experience of hell gets shorter and shorter. But this back and forth is not a problem. This is good. This is what teaches you, and it is, ironically, that which allows you to experience Heaven again and again and again. And when you meditated long enough, you will have developed so much trust in this what you find inside of yourself, that you are not worried anymore. You are not scared anymore.

You can't know what's happening

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Yes. That's what's happening with you right now. And I want to comment on one more thing which you wrote in your email in the beginning. You say: "At first, I wanted to have the experience of five years ago back, which hasn't happened in that way since. And then I longed – and I still do to this day –, to go home, to finally be allowed to go home. But the good Lord didn't seem to have that in mind for me, at least not now."

Yes. That's the desperation we feel: "Lord, why have you forsaken me?"

And this is because we cannot see what's happening. You see, you are a little seed, and the little seed, in order to grow, needs to be in the earth, in the soil. It can't see anything – darkness everywhere. No sunlight. But that's where the seed has to be. If the seed would be up on the ground, it would dry out and die. You are in the soil, and you are growing since a long time, but you don't know anything about this.

It needs to be like this. God is working on you since so many lifetimes. All the angels, all the Heavens are at your side since many, many lives. That's why you are now here, where you are now. And now, slowly, slowly, slowly, this seed sprouts, and the sprouting comes out of the soil for the first time, just a little bit. What a miracle.

That's the desperation we feel: "Lord, why have you forsaken me?" And this is because we cannot see what's happening. You are a little seed in the soil. It can't see anything – darkness everywhere. No sunlight. But that's where the seed has to be. You are in the soil, and you are growing since a long time, but you don't know anything about this.

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So, everything's fine.

God is working on you since so many lifetimes. All the angels, all the Heavens are at your side since many, many lives. That's why you are now here. And now, slowly, slowly, slowly, this seed sprouts and comes out of the soil for the first time, just a little bit. What a miracle. So, everything's fine.

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You cannot know what's happening right now. You cannot understand. And no matter what I say, it wouldn't help you. But what helps is that you fully accept where you are right now: "Okay. It is dark. Yes. Okay. I am hopeless. Yes. Okay. I accept – and I meditate." And everything will change in its own time.

I want to close this video with a story which you probably heard before, and I also told this one or two times in other videos, but this story touches me to tears every time I tell it. And it's so true, you know... The story is about a person who comes to Heaven. It's this old picture which is, of course, not true.

You don't go to Heaven when you die and all this childish nonsense, but that's how the story goes. So, this human goes to Heaven, and there he reviews his life with God, because he is angry with God – just like you are.. He felt left alone. He felt abandoned, just like Jesus on the cross.

So, they looked at the live movie of this human being, and you could see that all the time, there were two sets of footprints in that life: the footprints of this human being – and the footprints of God, being right next to the human being, always by his side.

But then, they come, in that live movie, to that phase where you are in right now; where it gets really tough. And there, wouldn't you know it: it's only one set of footprints. And the human says to God: "See! That's what I mean. You left me. I was alone."

And God says: "Dear child... at that time where you couldn't walk anymore, I carried you all the way through."

That's the truth. That's where you are right now. You are completely incapable, you can't do anything, all you see is darkness, and God is carrying you. That's my experience. And I have to cry every time I tell this story. Sorry.

Then, in that live movie, they come to that phase where it gets really tough, and wouldn't you know it: it's only one set of footprints. And the human says to God: "See! You left me. I was alone." And God says: "Dear child, at that time where you couldn't walk anymore, I carried you all the way through." That's the truth. All you see is darkness, and God is carrying you.

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But it's just touching, you know. In that time where we are the most desperate and where we can't feel God, he is the closest – or she; God has no gender – and you know this, and you can trust this.

Just keep going. Meditate every day. Be as unserious as you can be. Forget all the strictness and all the seriousness, and just enjoy life the way it is right now. Enjoy your husband. Enjoy your job, as impossible as it is right now.

In that time where we are the most desperate and where we can't feel God, he is the closest – you know this, and you can trust this. Just keep going. Meditate every day. Be as unserious as you can be. Forget all the strictness and all the seriousness, and just enjoy life the way it is right now.

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I do the same. Sometimes, when my mind starts thinking, I am in agony: "I don't know... how is all this supposed to work?" But then, immediately, I remember: "Oh, wait a moment. This is not the way." And then, I am back in Heaven, and then, life happens by itself.

Thank you for your email, which gives me such a beautiful opportunity to talk about the secret of life and the drama of the spiritual path.

And I mentioned it in the beginning: your life might be different than the life of the lady who wrote this email, but, basically, all of us humans experience the same drama, the same path. And the solution is the same for everybody: just meditate. Let this inner fundament grow. Let this soul in you grow.

Yes...

Support me if it gives you joy

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I am so happy that you are here. If you have any questions about this, you can write to me if you like. I answer every email, but it can take a while. I also appreciate handwritten letters very much. I answer them also handwritten. I answer every letter, but it can take time. And, usually, I respond by email or by letter, but the actual answer, I usually give in a video or in a Satsang, just like here, because then, many more people can listen, not just one person.

So, you are welcome to write to me. You find my contact information on my website. And you can join me in Online Satsang: every month, I do one English Online Satsang and one German Online Satsang. You can join me in the videos. And now, totally new, you can also join me in Satsang in retreats. I have retreats scheduled where you can spend some days or a week together with me in Satsang and in meditation. And this is just so lovely and, for many people, very helpful.

Everything I do online, all of my videos, all of the Satsangs, they are all free of charge, and I would like you to enjoy them freely without any sense of obligation. This is really important for me, because what I share here is not mine. I don't sell you anything. It's not even mine.

I don't have anything to give to you – I just remind you a little bit. But if you feel joy to support me financially in what I am doing here, I am very happy. I am very grateful for any kind of financial support I get. And if you feel joy for this: on my website, on the Donate page, you find information about how to do this.

If you want to be kept up to date with new videos or new events, you can subscribe to my free newsletter. This is also possible on my website. And I send out little reminders every morning; I call them "Morning Moments for your Soul". These are just, every morning, one little quote out of some video, just to remind you once every morning about the direction you want to go, and some people find this helpful. And if you want, you can also subscribe to this, of course, free of charge. I am so happy that you are here. Thank you.

I love you.