All the Heavy becomes light

Good morning.

This morning, it's time for another video where I answer questions. And I love these videos where I have the opportunity to respond to some of the many emails and letters I receive. It's really an honor for me to do this. And if you have a question, if you would like me to respond to your question or to your issue, then I'm happy to receive your email or your letter.

And if you want to write to me, you'll find the contact information for this on my website on the Ask Me page. And I want to start by reading out the first email.

Alternating between Heaven and Hell.

"I continue to experience phases in which I can be in the truth, which I know that Swamiji embodies for me, just like Jesus, and these phases alternate with phases in which I feel completely disconnected, disconnected from Sohamji, Swamiji, from the community and you, everyone and everything. I don't know how these changes happen, these phases in which I can identify the mind, but it still has me in its grip and has cut me off.

I then not only think critically and badly about Swamiji and everyone and everything. I can find fault with anything and anybody, especially with myself. And, of course, I feel correspondingly bad. I am in hell. It's pure negativity. And the fact that I'm very aware of all of this doesn't make it any easier. I then have the feeling that I'm always doing the same round through the mud, and that everyone else is much further and that everybody else has it much easier in life because they've always known that Swamiji is their Master, and they're at home with him, and so on.

And then, my mind devalues them, puts them down, so that I don't feel so much like a loser and excluded and wrong, which, of course, I do anyway and even more so. In this way, I separate myself more and more, especially from myself, until it turns around again for whatever reason, like right now. I can't surrender myself completely to Swamiji as a person, but there are always critical thoughts about some things with him. But we shouldn't criticize the Guru, should we? We should accept everything he says and does. Shouldn't we?

Somehow, it seems important for me to have one foot in and one foot out, so to speak, to somehow remain free. Devotion, surrender still seems to me like a submission, being unfree. It's a subject I've worked a lot on the psychological level, but, obviously, this issue is still there for me. If there's surrender, it is to the universal energy that flows through Swamiji, through God, through Paramatma, and through nature. Can you say something about this?"

Thank you. I'm so happy to receive your email.

You know, this is why I love answering all those emails in videos, because all of us have the same questions. And what you describe in your email, everybody knows. Every single human being I know knows this.

And I know: you feel as if you are the only one like this. You feel: everybody else has it easier. Everybody else does it right, and you, you are the only loser.

And the reason for this is that all the other people, we only see from the outside. We only know their outward appearance, what they say, what they do; and ourselves, we are the only person we know from the inside.

If you would know other people from the inside, you would know: they all feel like this. But, of course, that doesn't help. I know. You still have to make peace with the way it is for you.

You described these phases so beautifully which alternate. You have phases where you feel connected, where you can surrender, where life becomes easy. And then there comes the phase where just the opposite happens.

You can't surrender at all. You mistrust everything. You criticize everything, including yourself, and you're cut off from everything, including yourself. And it is like this. And you're right. You say that the fact that you experience this so consciously doesn't make it better. Now, here, I would like to disagree with you.

The fact that you can experience this consciously is the only thing needed. That's a sign of progress, so to speak, and that's the only thing needed. You don't have to become more surrendered or better. You don't have to become less screwed up.

You can just be the way you are, and you experience yourself.

Your awareness, your consciousness seeing this, experiencing this, that's the only thing needed. This will change everything.

You don't have to become smarter, better; you can't anyway. You are the way you are, just like me. But to willingly go through these phases, not judging them, not judging the phases where you judge... that's the only thing needed. And I know that you feel wrong.

I want to remind you of a little story. Maybe you know the story. It's in the Bible.

It's the story of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.

Adam and Eve – this stands for mankind, humans – they lived in paradise, everything was good, until one day when they ate from the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil. That is a description of humans becoming capable of judging: "This is good, this is bad." In reality, there is no such thing as good and bad. It doesn't exist. It's a product of our mind. And one day, humans started doing this. God had told them: "Don't eat from this. Do whatever you want. Just enjoy yourself.

Enjoy life. Do whatever you want. Just, please, don't start judging. I know you can do this, but don't start it. It will ruin everything." But, of course, we did. This beautiful story in the Bible describes how humans, a long time ago, became capable of judgment, intellectually. And that's the day when we left paradise. Since that day, since this time in the history of mankind... since that day in the history of mankind, we judge everything, and that's why we cannot see paradise anymore.

And I tell you this story because this is something we all do. This is the affliction of mankind. That what you suffer from, that what makes your life into a hell, is what every single human is dealing with. This is what we learned a long time ago, and that's when paradise ended, and hell started. Since then, we are in hell.

So, it's not only you: everybody has this affliction. It's not natural, but it's normal, so to speak. And the way back into paradise, the way out of your hell, is to reverse what we started back then in the Garden of Eden: to stop judging.

But we can't, as you know.

And the way to learn to not judge is the Samarpan Meditation. That's where, for half an hour each morning, we practice resting in your crown chakra, resting in our crown chakra up here, just up here in at this spot. It's nothing spiritual. We just put our attention to the highest spot of our body, up here, for half an hour every morning. We don't do anything.

We don't give attention to our thoughts, and if we do, we return with our attention to the crown. And during this half an hour, we don't fight with the thoughts, but we ignore them; we just put our attention somewhere else. So, in this time, we turn away from our judgments. We turn away from that what we believe to be right and wrong. We ignore that what we believe we know.

And by doing this, slowly slowly, we experience this space in us which is there when we don't think, when we don't judge.

And that's all which is needed. This is a kind of surrender. When I let go of my thoughts for just a moment, when I let go of my judgments which I trust so much... It feels like: "I know what's good. I know what's bad." We believe this. That's why we can't let go of them. But for just a moment, for a few moments in meditation, we let go of all of this, as if we don't know anything, and then we just rest in ourselves.

We just rest in paradise for a moment, and then the judgments come back, the thoughts come back. And then, you return again to this spot where there is no thought and no judgment. And when you do this every day, this will sneak into your life, and this habit of judging everything becomes less and slowly, slowly loses its power by itself. You can't get rid of it actively. It's nothing you can do.

But when you learn to spend time without thoughts and without judging, in meditation, this gets more, more and more and more.

And this just takes time, nothing else. You say that you experience these phases. You have a phase where everything is fine. You feel connected. You feel fine. No problem. But then comes a phase where just the opposite happens, as if you have a separate identity, and suddenly, you are in the suffering. Suddenly, you judge, and nothing is good enough for you, and you are in hell. And you say you have the feeling that you go in circles. It alternates all the time. But this is not true. Look closely.

Sohamji, my spiritual Master, he describes it like this... He says: it's not a circle we are doing, it's a spiral. We come across the same points again and again, but each time on a different level. It's like a spiral. The spiral goes around, but slowly slowly, it rises up. We don't notice this. We have the feeling we pass the same old issues again and again, and we do. That's how we learn. But each time we encounter this difficult phase, we do it on a little bit higher level, with a little bit more awareness.

I talked so much this week... I had a live chat on Tuesday, an interview yesterday and the videos this morning, that I can hardly speak anymore, but I just love to. So, I give my best, and I apologize for my voice.

You know, there is this saying: "It's okay to make a mistake, as long as you make each mistake only once."

This saying is really stupid. It has nothing to do with reality. This is not how humans learn. Humans learn by doing the same thing wrong again and again and again. And each time we experience it, we learn something about it. And slowly, slowly, it changes – but slowly, over time. That's how we learn.

This is the spiral you're experiencing. And you cannot experience that each time you are in the mud again, you're not as deep in it as before. But I can see it. I can see how you become more beautiful, more resting in yourself. You don't believe these phases so much anymore. You know them by now. It has all changed.

And the way out of this is the surrender you are describing. But we have a lot of misunderstandings about surrender.

What you described so beautifully is how most humans imagine 'surrender': "I surrender to somebody else, to another human being."

And in our imagination, this means: "I agree with everything this human being does. I agree with everything this human being says, and I follow his orders." This is how we feel surrender is.

And that's not the truth. This is not surrender.

In your last paragraph, you say: what you can surrender to is Life, the life energy, that what also flows through Swamiji, through a Guru; that what flows through a Jesus; that you can surrender to. Yes. This is the only thing what matters.

You see, it is like this: to surrender is nothing mandatory you have to do in order to please somebody like God. It's not that there is a God somewhere waiting: "Okay, when will she surrender? What's going on there?" No. And a Guru doesn't need your surrender. He is happy.

When I surrender, meaning: when I let go of my feeling of responsibility, of my judgments, of my opinions and of my knowledge which are in my head... when I let go of this, then my life becomes easy; then I am connected; then I can enter Heaven; then I can become like Adam and Eve before they learned judgment.

This surrender is simply a help for me, nothing else, to become happy again.

It's something which you can do if you want to have a happy life. Nobody is waiting for it. It is not mandatory. Nobody requests this from you. It is just how we humans function, you see?

We learned to judge, and that's why you're in hell. You can unlearn judgment, then you will be in Heaven again. It's up to you. It's only a help, a tool you can use, this surrender. And now it is like this: most people don't know anything about surrender, but when they come across another human being who embodies surrender... If they come across another human being where this Divine energy already flows through again, somebody like Jesus, somebody like a true Guru like Swamiji, then, suddenly, it's easy for us to surrender.

We put everything into the hands of this Jesus. We give everything into the hands of this Guru. There we can surrender. So, a Guru is just a help to make surrender possible for us. It's not that the Guru demands your surrender. He doesn't care. He knows: if his presence in your life makes it possible for you to surrender, then he is happy because he knows: this is the only thing you need to learn, to be happy yourself. But whether you surrender or not, he doesn't care. He doesn't gain anything from this. He just wants you to be happy.

So, it's nothing you do for anybody else. It's only for yourself, for your own benefit. And when people learn this surrender with the help of a medium, like a Guru or a Master or any other medium where surrender becomes possible, then they come closer to themselves through this surrender. They come closer to that what they really are, this peace inside, this paradise inside.

And as this surrender becomes more and more easy and more and more possible, the closer these people get to themselves. And then, they don't need the Guru on the outside anymore to surrender, they can do it by themselves. That's why a Guru like Swamiji says: "My only job is to make your soul your Guru". Pretty soon, you will just surrender to that what you feel inside of yourself, and then, everything is fine.

So, the Guru is only there to help you surrender. It's not about this person the Guru is. The Guru is this flow of energy. The Guru is embodiment of surrender, and that's why it's so easy for you to surrender to him. But what this Guru does on a physical level, as a human being, in a body... what he says, what he does, how he acts, how he looks like, what kind of habits he has, this is all unimportant.

The surrender has nothing to do with the person of a Guru, quite the opposite. Swamiji, my Guru, says: the body of the Guru is a hindrance.

He describes what you experience. He says: for many people, it becomes impossible to meet the Guru, which means, to meet the essence, the energy which flows through the Guru, because they get caught up with the physical appearance of the Guru: how he looks like, what he does. Some people get caught up in the physical experience of the Guru because they love him on a physical level.

They want to be close to him on a physical level. They want to touch him. They want to be sitting next to him. Other people experience this hindrance through the physical body of the Guru because they reject him. They think what he says is stupid, how he acts is stupid. They say: "His opinions are stupid; I can't follow somebody like this."

But in either case, when you focus on the physical appearance of a Guru, then you can't surrender. It's not about that. It's not about agreeing with him. It's not about following his orders. This is not surrender. He's just a help for you to put your life into God's hands, and that God is inside, inside the Guru and inside you. So, if you can surrender to this energy which flows through the Guru, this is helpful for you. Forget everything else. That's not important.

Many people have it very easy to love Jesus because he's not here anymore physically. We only feel his essence, and that essence is beautiful. If Jesus would still be alive, you would have the same problem with him. We see this body, how he speaks, what he says, and over that, we forget to experience the essence which is flowing through him. And Swamiji says: when he is gone, when he is not in his body anymore, then people will start feeling his essence. Now, while he is in his body, only very few people can do this, but now it is the easiest. So, if you can do it now, it's the easiest.

So, there's nothing wrong with you. What you experience is the one challenge we have as humans. That's why we're here: that one thing... to learn this one thing, to stop judging; to rediscover our true essence. And what helps with this is, for instance, the Samarpan Meditation. That is where you learn surrender. And what can help on this path is if you have somebody you feel like surrendering to. It's just a help. If you don't want this, forget it. Just meditate.

Swamiji says, meditation should be fun. It's like a hobby. It's not serious. You want to practice this letting go, this surrender, because it feels so good. You do yourself a favor, nobody else.

And when you are in a phase where this is not possible for you, when it becomes dark again, try one thing: try to also accept that phase where you judge everything, without judging yourself for this. Don't judge this phase of judgment: "Ah, I'm in hell again. Okay." Say yes to the hell: "Okay." You know it will not last forever, although it feels like this.

Don't judge the judgment. That's helpful.

I love you so much. I'm happy that you are here.

Okay. Let's see what else there is.

Is the heart ignored in meditation?

"Hello, Mikael. I have been doing the meditation for four months, and I feel calm and balanced during the day. Thank you very much for this. In this meditation, the body hardly plays any role. Is the heart not taken into account here at all?"

Thank you. What a beautiful question.

Yes, it really feels like this. During this meditation, what happens there in essence is: when you rest with your attention here at the crown chakra, it's impossible to think.

As soon as you think, you are not there anymore, and then you return there again. And it's like you leave all these thoughts, all these emotions, all these inside movements. You leave them, and you rest somewhere where all this does not exist.

And what we usually experience as our 'heart' are our own emotions. We feel loving. We appreciate somebody. We long for somebody. We are happy about somebody.

And we long for this. We want the intimacy and the closeness of somebody. This kind of love, we cherish very much. But all these emotions and this heart is a physical heart. I'm not talking about the inner organ, I'm talking about our emotional heart, about our emotions. This is all connected with the body.

And when we rest up here, all this is gone.

And you're right. During meditation, we turn away from all of this, not because it's wrong. There's nothing wrong with the body. There's nothing wrong with our emotional heart. But you are not this body. This is not your heart. You are somebody else, and that what you truly are, this you will discover through the meditation, and it requires a tiny little bit of patience. Initially, it feels like this heart is left behind, this heart you value so much, and instead, you rest in this quiet where there's no heart and also no pain.

And, initially, it feels empty, almost like we miss the old.

But keep going, and you will discover something very, very interesting.

It is like this... When you start discovering who you really are, this is something which has nothing to do with this body, nothing to do with the emotions, nothing to do with the thoughts, and nothing to do with the heart you are talking about... When you begin to discover who you really are, this soul which rests deep inside of you... When you rest with your attention here, it's like you become connected to something new, to something you don't know anything about.

And through this connection, you are being nourished; you're being filled up. And the more this connection becomes natural and second nature for you, the more you are being filled up, and the less important the old becomes, the body, the emotions, the love, the experience with other humans. You just become full from the inside.

And when this happens for a while, you reach a point where you are satisfied, where you are full, and then it still keeps flowing and flowing, and then, it doesn't fill you up anymore – because you are full. It just flows through you, and it spills over to everybody else.

And this what you discover inside, that is what you truly are; that is what is nourishing you; that is the true heart; that is real love; that is the energy of life.

So, the meditation is the path to discover your true heart, I want to put it like this for you. And as I said: there is nothing wrong with the body. There is nothing wrong with our emotions and our emotional heart. We need the body, and we need everything connected with the body, so that we can experience this discovery of our true self.

But only there we discovered our true heart, something which has nothing to do with the body, something which is eternal, and something which is eternally powerful. That is why people can still feel Jesus. That is why people feel an incomprehensible, amazing love flowing from a Guru. It has nothing to do with the guru's emotions.

It has nothing to do with the guru's emotional heart. It is this energy of life freely flowing through this medium, and this is also flowing through you, and that is what you will discover. And then, your question will dissolve, and all you need to do is keep meditating. It all happens by itself. You are on the right path, on the right track.

Thank you that you asked me this lovely question. Thank you.

Everything is too much, and everything is important.

And I will read out the next question.

This email that I will read out now is a little bit longer than usual, but I still want to read it in its entire length, because it describes so well and so touching how it is for us humans, and I believe that many people will find themselves in this report of this lady. "Dear Mikael, thank you very much for your being, and I'm very touched by your videos. I'm a beginner in Samarpan Meditation and already notice that a miraculous calmness is emerging inside of me. A separation from my problems is becoming possible.

Nevertheless, I am so much at a loss in my life that I would very much like to ask you about this. The thing is that my life is so endlessly exhausting and burdening for me. I can't say exactly where this is coming from, but as the eldest of 5 children, I was responsible from an early age. My mom had me very young, at the end of her own school years, and she was always very burdened by life, so, I hardly got any closeness and intimacy with her. I don't want to blame anybody; I just want to ponder about where my patterns come from.

Now I'm 47 years old. I'm a single mom of 2 children, and my younger son presents me with challenges as he struggles at school and also socially. He has traits of ADHD. He's impulsive. Actually, he's a 'beautifully maladjusted' human. Professionally, I'm a child doctor, pediatrician, and when my predecessor asked me 4 years ago if I wanted to take over the practice, I had the clear impulse to say 'yes' and that this is the right thing for me to do.

Now I am the owner of this practice for 3 years, the only one in a wide area that works homeopathically and holistically, as far as this is possible with the large number of patients I have. I enjoy my work, and although I have a lot of responsibility, I have a lot of confidence that I can accompany the patients and that my inner process is also a quiet gift for all of them.

But I simply work a lot, about 48 hours each week, and downsizing the practice is a very slow process as there are so many desperate parents looking for a pediatrician. What really stresses me out is the task of managing the practice and of providing good working conditions for my staff with their latent dissatisfaction. Sometimes, they even subtly threaten to resign, even though I know that I already accommodate them very well. Basically, it's being a boss that puts me under enormous strain.

I have so much self-doubt, too much to be stable and clear, and working in the health care system is becoming more and more stressful for everyone. On the other hand, I never want to be an employed doctor again, having to submit to the system. I'm very exhausted by everything. Somehow, I've ended up in a place in life where I can live my vocation, but I'm doing it at a high cost. My children have to help me by functioning, but I'm also missing out on myself and on my body.

I've always been skinny, but now I'm underweight, and my exhaustion is very visible. When I want to meditate in the morning, I'm often so exhausted from sleepless nights that I sometimes prefer to stay in bed for another half an hour instead. And yet, there is a strength in me that doesn't want to give up on my vocation. It feels as if there are layers of trauma that weigh me down so heavily. Perhaps, without these inner burdens, everything would be easier to carry, after all. Do you have any suggestions for me? Where can I go from here?"

Thank you for your beautiful report. Thank you so much.

There is only one problem in all of this, and you experience this very, very clearly.

You feel that it is upon you to make all this possible. You feel this love for your children, and this is beautiful, but you have no idea how you can properly take care of them under the circumstances. You feel this responsibility for your patients, and this is lovely, but you have no idea how you can carry this burden. You like your staff, you love your staff, and it's natural for you to want to provide good working conditions for them, but you have no idea how this all should be possible. And you would love to take care of yourself, and you don't know how.

I want to tell you a little story, a story my Master, Soham, told me many years ago.

It's about a child, and this little boy... in the story he told, it was a boy, but it might as well be a girl... he goes to the fair with his parents, and on the fair, there is this... what is this called in English... this roller coaster. And the roller coaster train, in the front car, all the way at in the front, there is this steering wheel, and kids love to sit there and to pretend that they control the train, and that was the favorite spot of this boy. So, he jumped in there, he took the place behind the wheel, and the train started.

And then the boy was busy steering this train in the right way, and he was getting stressed, because he felt the responsibility for this entire train and for all the people in the train. It was upon him to make sure that this train on the rollercoaster stays on track and arrives safely at the end. And after the ride, the boy was totally done, because he felt responsible. Now, the parents knew that the boy has no control whatsoever about the roller coaster train, but that's exactly how we live our own life. We believe we are in control. We believe: this is my responsibility.

The problem is not that you would like to take care of the parents, the patients and the children and the staff and of yourself. This is natural. This needs to happen somehow. I'm talking about this feeling of responsibility: "I have to do it, and if I don't do it, it will never happen."

But you experience: you can't. You just can't.

And I would like to suggest a very surprising solution for you. Meditate. I know you don't have time for this. Meditate anyway. No matter how tired you are, meditate every single day.

And what happens through meditation is: it will provide you a little bit of space every day where you let go of this responsibility, where, for a few minutes every day, for just half an hour, you practice letting go of this burden.

I want to tell you what the root cause of this problem is, and that's also the reason why it's so hard to let it go: we are identified with this role. It's like this boy in the roller coaster train. He likes the spot at the steering wheel because there, he is somebody. He is important. This is our identity. This is our ego.

And we cannot let go of our own ego, that is not possible. But during meditation, what happens there quietly, secretly, so to speak, is that we discover and foster our true identity. There is something in us, something which you can sense, I know it, but which is very, very quiet right now... and when you meditate, this something gets strengthened.

It starts growing. It starts getting more space in you. It's like right now, your whole being, your whole life is based on your identity in life as a mother, as a doctor, as a boss, and this is a huge burden, just like it was for this young boy in the roller coaster train.

And through meditation, you discover a foundation inside of you, a ground, and there you can rest on. And first, we need to discover this new ground, before we can let go of the old. And we cannot let go of the old. We cannot let go of the ego, but as this new ground grows in us, slowly, slowly, by itself, just by this simple practice of meditation every morning, this old identity loses its power, by itself.

And then, something very interesting happens. You still are a doctor, and you still work as a doctor. You still are a mom. You still take care of your kids. You still are a human being, and you take care of yourself, but you are not identified with it anymore. It's not important for you anymore. And the surprising thing is that then, everything works better. You have no idea how this is supposed to be possible, but it is like this.

It's like, everything you do right now in life is happening out of this identification of being somebody, and this causes problems everywhere.

And when you begin to discover your true identity, when you begin to rest in yourself, and when you begin to allow life to take over, then you do the same things you did before. You treat the patients, you are a boss, you are a mom, but you don't do them out of this identity of being somebody. It's more like it happens through you, and you have no idea how this is possible. And then, you do the same things you do now, without this being identified with what you're doing, and then, everything you do is good, beneficial for everybody. Everything works.

The basic problem is that everything we do in life, we do being identified with what we are doing. We think it's important, and we must not stop because then something terrible will happen. And then, some people, they just stop doing anything. They say: I can't do this. But this is not the solution. Our tasks, our responsibilities in life, our place in life, this is not the problem. You found your vocation. You know: this is the right way. That is why you' are confused.

You found your vocation, and you wonder: why is it so hard? And you're a mom and you love your kids, and you wonder: why is this so hard? The problem is not in the task. The problem is not in the occupation. The only problem is that we are identified with it. And when you hear this right now, it might sound strange to your ears. It might sound like some esoteric concept, but I'm talking about something very practical, out of my own experience.

Jesus said: "Put God first, and then, everything else will follow." And that is what he meant. By putting God first, he says: surrender to God. Put it in life's hands what happens, and then, everything will happen by itself. The only thing you really have to do is meditate, rest in yourself, and watch what happens. Now, I want to be very clear with something. I'm talking about this inner attitude. We learn a new way of being inside. I'm not talking about changing something on the outside.

When I say, "stop being responsible for it, but rest inside", I don't mean to not go to work anymore, quite the opposite. My advice is: don't change anything on the outside. Don't change your job. Don't change anything. You can't, anyway. Do everything the way you do – but meditate. The only thing we need to do is start fostering this inside of us, what we do not know right now, and that happens automatically through the meditation. You can trust this.

Swamiji, this is the Guru who brings this magical Samarpan Meditation to us, he says: "Don't try to change yourself, but meditate."

And then observe what happens. Keep living the way you do. Keep working the way you do. Keep mothering the way you do, take care of yourself the way you do right now, be as imperfect as you are – but meditate. Take this half an hour every day which gives you the space to turn inside, and there, you will discover the well that will take over your life.

And then you are a doctor, like now; you are a mother, like right now, but everything will work differently, and you have no idea how. It is the same for me, by the way. I have two jobs. I have two full-time jobs, and I have no idea how this is possible. I am not doing it. It is not happening because I am so smart. I am a computer programmer, I program websites, and I love doing this. I love my clients, and I do videos, and I love this, and I would like to do this all the time.

And both take so much time. Both take so much energy. I can't do it. I'm completely incapable. I just surrender. All I do is: I rest in myself, and I let happen whatever wants to happen. And so much is happening! And the more I let go, the less I do, so to speak, the less I do with this feeling of being the doer, the more happens through me. I'm not doing it. I'm not stressing myself anymore, and so much has happened.

And the practical, the easy, natural way to discover this is the Samarpan Meditation. For me, this is the easiest way. I'm sure there are other ways, but that's the path I experience, and that's the path I can talk about.

So, there's nothing wrong with your life. It is beautiful that you followed your vocation. It is beautiful that you are a mother.

Discover who you really are. Meditate. And I promise you: sooner than you think, you will make astonishing discoveries.

When you begin to put your life into life's hands: that's surrender.

All the things which need to happen in your life will happen by themselves. Sometimes, things happen where you think: "Oh, this is a problem." And later, you find out: this is exactly the right thing which needed to happen back then to make everything easier, everything better.

I know what will happen in your life, and I'm curious. And I invite you to stay in touch with me if you feel like it.

To repeat, Swamiji: "Don't change yourself. Don't change your life. Meditate."

Thank you that you are writing to me. Thank you so much.

So, let's see what else is there.

The pain of remembering

"Dear Mikael, in two days, it will be the first anniversary of the death of my loved one. I'm glad that this first and very special intense year is now over. In one of the Satsang videos, you said something about remembering. I'm not sure if I understood you correctly. There are moments when the memory of him suddenly appears as if out of nowhere. And then there are moments when I try to remember his voice, his smell, how it felt when he held my hand. I want to remember him and live my new life at the same time), but I discovered that this remembering also makes me sad.

I feel like a sweet pain, but sometimes I also find myself feeling sorry for myself. Many texts on grief and death talk about 'you live on in memory'. I once came across a sentence: 'when I remember you, you are inside me'. What do you say to that? Is the memory, including everything it triggers, helpful for me? Sometimes, this warms my heart. Does all of this have a place in the new life, or does it keep me stuck in the old and in suffering? I look forward to your answer."

Thank you. Thank you for your email.

I like this word, 'remember'. The original meaning means: to rejoin, to become a member again, to be connected again.

You said... you quoted the saying: when I remember you, you are inside of me. It's the opposite. It is the other way around. When I am inside of me, then I'm 'remembered', reconnected, not only to myself, but to everybody else, but everybody has to discover this on their own.

I do it like this: when I get memories, be it beautiful ones or difficult ones, what I do is: I turn away from them, immediately. If I remember, I go to the crown, I rest there in silence.

The memories are fake. They're not reality. They can be comforting for a while, but eventually, you discover that they are empty, and that's why they make you sad. Reality never makes you sad.

I want to tell you a story about my own life. I want to tell you something about my own experience.

When I came to my spiritual Master Soham, I was involved with a girl, I had a relationship, and I totally loved her. And I did what everybody does: I had my whole attention on her. I loved her. I wanted to spend as much time with her as possible. My whole attention was with her, and this is what I called 'love', and that is how I felt connected with her: by seeing her, by smelling her, by worrying about her, by loving her, I felt connected.

And one day, I had a conversation with my Master, and I told him about this and how much I enjoy this, and I was kind of proud of myself that I was able to love somebody like this. And he told me something very unexpectedly. He said: "Don't do this, Mikael". He said: "Keep your attention with you, only with you. Don't worry about your girlfriend. Don't wonder how she feels. Don't wonder how she is. Don't remember her. Feel yourself, not her."

And I was shocked. When he said this, I thought: "This is crazy. This is stupid." I thought: "This is not true. He is not right." And I just kept doing the thing the way I did it. I didn't change anything. I didn't believe him. But the years went by, and just by being with my Master, I learned to be with myself and to rest in myself more and more. And then, many years later, I guess it was about 10 years later, I had a remarkable experience. The relationship with this girl was long over, and I had an encounter with a woman. We spent time together. We slept with each other. We had sex.

And by that time, it had become totally normal and second nature for me to just be with myself. There, I did what my Master had suggested to me 10 years earlier, but not because he said it. It just became my own. I was with this woman, but my attention was only with myself. I didn't wonder: how does she feel? How does she like it? Is she fine? None of that happened. Instead, I was just feeling myself. There was this: how is this for me? How is it? I experienced the whole situation through me. I only wondered: "Do I like it? How do I feel now? What does my energy want to do right now?"

And I explained something miraculous: everything that happened out of this being with myself was absolutely perfect. Everything what happened between us was exactly the right thing, although I didn't worry at all about her. I only felt myself. And later she told me what an experience this was for her, because sometimes she felt: "Oh, now I had enough. Maybe we should take a break and rest." And that was the moment where I felt the same. And because I felt myself, I just followed that, and it was perfect for her. And I experienced this in many different aspects.

And that's the time where I discovered that when I am in myself, I am totally, most intimately, connected with the other being. There, I am one. I don't experience it like this – I feel only myself, my own –, but through this, I'm deepest connected with the other, magically.

So, the more you rest in yourself, the more you forget any thought and any memory. And the more you dare to remain with your attention here in you, the more you will discover that what I am talking about here.

You see, you were used to experience your beloved on the outside, and that's why there is a problem. He is gone. On the outside, he is gone, and that is why you need the memories. But that what he truly was, he still is. He still is his 'inside'. He still is this soul, that what he was before he was born, and that what he still is, independent of this body which is long gone.

And when you focus on your inside, then these words you hear from me will get filled with life. Then you will experience it yourself, and that's the only thing which is of any value: that what you experience yourself. The more you feel connected to yourself, the more you will discover: "Ah, I am not alone."

It is like the problem disappears. When you have your focus on the outside, you think there is a problem: he is gone. And when you turn inside to yourself, then you discover: there is no problem. He is here where he always was, and then you don't need the memories anymore.

This connection which we experience on the inside, this is real; that is a real connection; that doesn't go away. And because it's real, it doesn't cause us pain. The memories are not real. They're just memories.

They are not harmful, but they do not satisfy. But that what you discover inside satisfies forever, and never goes away.

That is all I have to say about memories. Thank you that you wrote to me. Thank you.

I think I have time for another letter. Let's see. Yes.

Differently I would be happier.

This letter is from a man.

"I am back in Germany, after having given up my flat one and a half years ago to live and travel in Brazil and other countries for an indefinite period of time. Then, my father asked me to come back because he had terminal cancer. Three weeks after my return, he died. This was 9 months ago. Now I am still here, because I promised my father that I would look after my mother and reconcile with her. I'm doing that now, and my relationship with her is now quite good.

But regardless of that, I ask myself how I want to continue living. I have lived abroad for 22 years, especially in Brazil. I love traveling and living in countries where people treat each other with love and life and where life is colorful, easy, and pleasant. Thanks to Samarpan Meditation, which I have been doing for six years now without missing a single day, I feel more and more rooted in peace, and I'm generally happy on the inside, but on the outside, I feel drawn back to my life as a traveler.

I simply don't have the impulse to build something for myself in Germany or anywhere else. I somehow feel caught between two worlds. I still have a tenancy agreement until May, and I don't know what I want to do after that. In my case, I don't want to spend another winter here in Germany. I love working as a gardener, and I cannot do that in winter. Another effect of Samarpan Meditation is that I'm no longer socially active – I often prefer silence and being alone.

However, I'm quite a communicative person and I'm always drawn to meetings, to exchanges and events, but I usually can't stay there for long, and I soon withdraw again. I have a great desire for having a partner. In my 59 years on this planet so far, I have only had one real relationship and, otherwise, only romances, and they are also years old. I've met quite a few women, but somehow it doesn't work out with a relationship.

I sometimes wonder whether I'm even capable of having a relationship, after almost a lifetime as a loner. That's why I like traveling so much, because then, I always meet new people without any obligations or commitments. I have often been rejected by women I was in love with, so I no longer have many expectations and hopes that I will find a partner. This may all sound a bit confused and wildly written, but that's just me. I would be very happy to receive a comment from you."

Thank you for your letter. I don't find your letter confusing at all.

I only see beautiful things.

You know what you like, you know what you love. You know how you would like to live. It's perfect, and also that you don't have a partner, that's perfect, because you love traveling. You don't like commitment. You don't like responsibility. You like changing your life again and again, and this works perfect without a partner.

The only problem is that we imagine we would be happier when something would be different, and with relationship, this belief is especially strong in us. When we don't have a relationship, it's easy to imagine: "I would be happier if I would have a partner". But ask the people who have a partner, and you will find out that this is not true.

Relationships can be fun, relationships can be beautiful, but they do not make you happy. Happiness comes from inside. And relationship become beautiful when you are happy, not the other way around.

And those people who have a relationship and are not happy, they think: without a relationship, they would be happier. And this is also not true. It has nothing to do with the relationship. So, you don't miss out on anything. Trust that what you feel is right for you, is right for you. Trust that. Follow your own compass.

When you meditate, and you do this every day, everything that needs to happen in your life will happen, and everything which would be a hindrance for you will not happen. And if you don't find a partner, this means: it would not be beneficial for you. Of course, you have this longing, but life knows better. And if there is anything you need in your life on your path towards yourself, it will happen, by itself. Just keep meditating.

I had a life like you. Until recently, my entire life was the life of a traveler. Before I came to my spiritual Master Soham 24 years ago, I had a life of travel since I left school. I left school, and I was in the Navy; I was on ships seeing the world, and then I had other jobs, and I traveled all the time.

There were years in my life where I basically lived on airplanes because I was traveling so much.

And, also, in social life, I was traveling. I was married a few times, but it never kept me at a place. It always ended after a very short time, and life took me elsewhere. And then, 24 years ago, I came to my spiritual Master Soham, and he was traveling every week to another town, year by year. And I joined him, and I joined his crew, I worked for him, so I kept on traveling. For 20 years, I was on the road all the time (with him), and I believed: I will live like this forever until I die. That's how it felt. I loved it.

And then the Samarpan Meditation came into my life. And then, three3 years later, Soham stopped traveling, and now, for three years or four years, I forget... for four years, now I don't travel anymore; not at all. Now I love being at one place. Everything changed, by itself. Life did this, just by meditating. Now I have a relationship.

Now I have a place to live. Now I have what you could call responsibilities, but it all happens by itself. It has nothing to do with me. Now this is happening. So, who knows what happens in your life. Enjoy the way it is right now, and always follow your inner compass. And if these ideas come up: "Oh, it would be better if"..., you know that they are not true.

Just be the way you are. You say it so beautifully in the last sentence of your email. You say: "That's just me". Yes. That's just you. Don't worry. Just be the way you are. That's what Swamiji says. He says: "Don't change yourself. Don't worry about your life. Just meditate." It's beautiful what's happening in your life. I love hearing this. Thank you.

Thank you for writing.

I'm very happy to hear from you.

Support me if it gives you joy

Let's see.

I want to read one more email, and then I have to stop for today.

And before I do this, I want to... I usually forget to do this, but I want to mention this, that if you like my videos and if you want to support what I'm doing, you can do so. You know, everything I do is free of charge, and I like it like this.

I answer questions, whether somebody supports me or not. Everybody can watch my videos. It doesn't cost any money, and it should be like this. But for practical reasons, I'm very happy if people are willing to support me financially, and that's totally easy. If you feel like this, you can start a membership – on my website, I describe how this is possible –, and then, through very small amounts every month, I get a little bit of support. And if enough people are doing this, then this helps me a lot in being able to take the time for the videos, the energy for the videos.

And, you know, even small amounts per month help me tremendously. This is possible with even €7 per month, and if you feel like it, you can also give more. On my website, on the membership page, you'll find all the information about this. If you feel joy doing this, then I'm really grateful and happy. But as I said, this is absolutely voluntary. Just do it, if it gives you joy. Feel free to watch all of the videos, feel free to ask me questions. This is totally independent of contributions. And if you feel like it, please do so. Thank you. And now I want to read the last email for today.

Even the heavy becomes light.

"I have written countless letters in my mind. I even started one, but then I got stuck. But now, after your video about karma, I want to write to you. This video has given me so much courage, strength, and confidence for my path. I can't thank you enough for it. I want to tell you about my journey. Almost 9 years ago, my son was diagnosed with ALS. This is an abbreviation for amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, a progressive disease of the motoric nerves that leads to muscle paralysis.

It is incurable and usually leads to death within a few years. It was an incredible shock for him and for all of us. He has been unable to speak or eat for about 4 years now, and he is completely paralyzed, but mentally fit and very alert. With the help of a computer, he can communicate with us through eye contact, and that helps him a lot to keep in touch with us. I am 83 years old, and I drive about 50 kilometers two or three times a week to support him and to make his difficult life a little easier.

My long spiritual journey over the last few years has helped me a lot to accept this stroke of a fate, but when you and your videos and the Samarpan Meditation came into my life, many things changed for the better. I learned to go even deeper into surrender and acceptance, to accept my present life and to understand what my task is; and I practice not to take this personally every day. You say: it is a golden opportunity to accept something, all the more so, the more difficult the task is.

This helps you not to accumulate a new self and to learn to say yes to everything." Of course, I sometimes fall back into pain, worry, and despair, but then I remember your words and your invitation to accept what is, everything, and to surrender: "Thy will be done." I could write a lot more, but now I want to end by telling you this is a thank you letter. You answer all my questions in your videos. What a gift."

Thank you. Your letter is such a gift. Thank you.

You know, it is like this for everybody, but we cannot believe it.

Before we learn acceptance and surrender, we believe it's a stupid idea. We believe: I must manage. We believe: I must change life, but the opposite is true. And this, everybody has to discover for him or herself. And that's why I'm so happy about your letter, because you are discovering this for you.

When you discover surrender, when you learn surrender through the help of the meditation, life changes; life becomes easy and free of burden. And when something happens which is difficult and challenging, this difficulty and this challenge becomes easy. It's amazing. It's like we are carried through everything. We don't have to walk ourselves.

While I was reading your letter, I remembered somebody when I was traveling with my Master. So, we came through many towns, and in one town, there was a lady. She came to Satsang every time we were in town. This lady was like your son. She didn't have this disease, something else had happened to her, but from one day to the next, she was completely paralyzed.

She was locked in. She couldn't do anything. She couldn't communicate. She couldn't move.

And this person, before that happened to her, she already had learned to surrender. She already had a Master, a spiritual Master in her life. And then that happened to her, and she became even more surrendered and even more beautiful. And this person in her wheelchair... she had to be moved around. She always had people around her helping her with everything, with drinking, with every movement... that person was the happiest person in the whole room, through her surrender. I will never forget this. That's the secret of life. This is the secret of Heaven.

Thank you for your letter. Thank you so much,

And thank you that you are here, watching and listening. Thank you.

I love you.