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Relationship after Enlightenment

What to do when your old life no longer fits?

You get to know the New. Everything is different for you, you are changing, but your partner and the rest of your old life is the same as always. You sense a new life, but how do you get there? This video will tell you.

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I often emphasize that enlightenment or awakening is not a destination, but rather a waymark; the beginning of a whole new direction, and anyone who experiences awakening themselves will quickly know what I am talking about. No paradise, no Heaven, on the contrary: everything suddenly seems difficult and new. And we have never learned how to deal with this new and live with it in a practical way. 

And then we do what we always did in our old life: we try to understand what our "new" life could look like and we look for ways to get there. But nothing works. We're stuck, and nowhere do we experience it more directly and more painfully than in our relationship.

In this video, I explain what it means to arrive in this new life, why you're stuck, how it really works – very practically – and that it's actually not difficult, on the contrary: you can't make your new life, but it is made for you, tailor-made, while you are simply here, just as you are.

That's exactly what I'm going to tell you about, using examples from my life and that of my friends. And I explain why "running away into the new, spiritual life" cannot work and why so many spiritual communities fail, even though they are started with so much heart and hope.

Complete text for reading along:

Good morning.

This morning is the first morning where there's snow outside around the house, and I got my winter sweater out, so I have it nice and warm and cozy. In this video, I would like to answer to two emails. The first email I received from a lady whose email I was reading out and answering in my last video from November 16th. And she responded with an email with two follow-up questions, and I want to read out these questions and answer to them.

"Beloved Mikael, after two weeks of not meditating, today, after listening to your video from November 16th and your answer to my question, I sat in my seat again and connected. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. It seems to me that I keep getting off track and losing sight of what is most important, although my soul has already told me twice that it wants to go home. Is there a mechanism that keeps stopping us? And what can we do here when we are not actually supposed to do anything?"

Yes, this is really like a riddle in life. Thank you for this question. I like this question, because this is the riddle we are all faced with. We know what's important, and yet we do something else, all the time. It's like this... what you're doing when you start meditating is: you turn your attention inwards, towards an "inwards" which is totally new. You never knew about this ever before. What you're doing here is something you never did ever before in your life, and you never did this ever before in all the lives you were living up to now. So, it's no wonder that it's not easy and natural for us. We just have the habit of putting our attention towards the outside, towards the world, towards our thoughts, our feelings, our wishes, our dreams. These are the things we deemed important up to now, and we did this since dozens and dozens and dozens of years and dozens and dozens of lives.

And now you try something new. And it's just new. You have to get used to it. This "new" will become a habit, it will become totally natural and easy after a while, but you are at the beginning. So, it's only normal that the old stuff keeps dominating your awareness, and you just lose sight of the other thing. I know this very well by myself. There are certain things I knew exactly: this is stupid, this is nonsense, and yet I kept doing them. But this is not a problem. This is totally normal, and it's not a problem.

When you meditate, what happens actually during meditation, during the Samarpan Meditation... When you do it, you strengthen this new part in you. You don't notice how this works, but that's what's actually going on. When you meditate the Samarpan Meditation and you focus your attention to the crown chakra, to your inside, you strengthen this new energy in you, this soul in you, the soul which is also speaking to you and telling you what it wants. And that's all you need to do.

You know, it's like this: we cannot change these old habits. We cannot change our tendencies to take the world important and our dreams important. That's not possible. We cannot change our psyche. But we can strengthen this new one, and slowly, slowly, this new one gets bigger and bigger and bigger, and then there's no problem.

Swamiji, my Indian guru who is bringing the Samarpan Meditation into society, he tells a beautiful little story. He gives us a riddle. He says: okay... He has a sheet of paper, and he draws a line with a pen. He draws a line on this paper, and then he says: "Now make this line shorter without changing this line." This could be a Zen Koan. And this line is like our old life, our habits, our tendencies, our mind. You cannot change this. So, how to make this line smaller without changing it? And the solution, he says, is very simple. He takes the pen and he draws a new line next to this old line, and he makes this new line much much longer, and compared to this new line, the old line looks very small. The old line didn't change. You cannot change the line. But now, in comparison to the new line, it's just negligible. It's unimportant, it's tiny.

And that's what we do with the Samarpan Meditation. We strengthen the soul in us, and it starts growing, and it becomes more and more strong. And you cannot change the old habits. It's not possible. We are stupid. But this new grows, and then comes the point where this new one gets stronger than the old one, and it keeps growing and growing and growing. And that's how the old stuff loses its power over us without us ever touching the old stuff. We cannot change it. That's all you need to do. Just meditate.

And when you forget to meditate, at some point you remember again, or at some point, you are being reminded again, like through a video or through whatever. And then, you can start again. You just start again. It's no problem when you forget. But when you remember, start again. It's really simple. It's not a problem. This is totally normal.

And the lady has a second question. "And I have a second question. I want a partnership in my life so much. But you can't conjure up a partner. I keep trying to come to terms with the fact that no one is by my side, but it's hard, and I've already struggled with Swamiji once because of this, even though I understood in my head that everything is good and right the way it is. Perhaps you have an answer for me here, too?"

Yes, that's what I just said. We have these old dreams. We know it's stupid, but we have them. And it's not a problem. It's really not a problem. And you're right: to wish for something which is not here, this is really hard. This is painful. And it's painful when you wish for a partner who is not here, but it's painful with everything else you wish for which is not here. It's all the same. And my advice is: just be the way you are. If you can find a partner, great! Try to get one. If it's fun for you... And then we learn. Through the hardship, through the pain of this wanting we learn. And then you let go of these wishes and you just meditate, and then you're just in bliss and you're happy. And then we learn. And then you dream again and you wish again, and it's painful, and you learn. And so on. And then you have a partner in your life, and I'm sure you already had one in the past, and then you know how it is. Then it gets difficult and you have problems, and then you wish you would be alone, and you learn. And then you accept and you meditate, and then you learn. And then you wish again that you are alone, and you learn. That's how we are.

You know that a man will never make you happy. You know this. But we wish for a partner anyway. This dream is very deep. Just find out. That's how I did it. As humans, we learn not by somebody telling us the Truth. We have to find everything out for ourselves, again and again. And some people say: it's okay to make mistakes, it's okay to be stupid, and as long as you do the same mistake only once. But this does not work for me. I have to do the same things again and over and over and over again, and slowly, slowly, each time I experience again: "Okay, it's not there. Okay, this is not making me happy"... each time I experience it, the old dream gets a tiny little weaker. And each time I let go and I'm just here and I'm just happy, this new gets a little stronger. And that's how things change, slowly, slowly, over time.

So, just be patient with yourself. That's my advice. And meditate, whenever you remember. We are in the habit of wanting something different, always, and we don't realize that this is our basic habit. We believe in what we wish for. We believe in that which we want different. Then we gain it, and it doesn't make us happy, but we overlook this fact. Then we think: "Okay, it's just the wrong partner". Or it's the wrong car, if you thought, the car makes you happy, or whatever. Or "I don't have enough money", when you think, money will make me happy.

But what makes you unhappy is the wanting. What makes you unhappy is the wanting it differently. And when you meditate, you don't want anything, and that's why you get happy. But as I said: hearing this doesn't do anything. I have to experience this over and over and over again. That's why Swamiji says: "Don't change yourself. Don't try to be different. Don't do this. But meditate." More is not needed. Just love yourself the way you are. Thank you for your questions. I love you.

And now I will read the letter of a lady who is in the opposite situation. This lady has a partner. She's married. She has kids. She has everything which the writer of the first letter wishes for. And I love this letter which I'm going to read out in just a moment, because it describes the difficult situation so many people go through when they begin to awaken in their lives. We get the first taste of the Truth. We get the first taste of inner freedom, and then we look around and we find ourselves in a life which doesn't seem to fit to this "new" we are discovering. It doesn't fit at all, and we wonder how we can make this work. And then, we want to change our life. We want to change our partner, or the circumstances, our work, how we live, because we want this "new". And this is totally normal.

And that's why I was so happy when I received this letter, so I can talk a little bit about this. I don't really know what to say about it, but when I read this letter, it touches my heart totally. It's really spirituality put to practice. It is like: how to deal with this practically? Really: how to live when you begin to wake up? How to live in the real world, with a real partner? This letter is a bit longer, it will take a few minutes, and then I will answer a few of the aspects of this letter.

And before I read out this letter, I would like to briefly say a few words about how you can listen to me. What I'm doing here is not that I tell you how to live your life. I cannot do this, simply because I don't know how you should live your life. But there is somebody who knows, and that's you. You know how to live your life. You get the answers. All I'm doing is: I'm suggesting things to you which makes it easier for you to listen to yourself. The specific answers, what it means in your life... what's up in your life today, only you get this answer. But I can tell you about how this worked in my life. I can tell you what I did so I learned to follow myself. That's what I'm doing here. So, whatever I suggest is only to open you to your own answers. Listen to yourself. Listen to me, I'm happy when you listen to me, but then, see what happens out of yourself. This is the only thing which works. Don't do something because I say so. And some things you might hear from me, maybe even things which sound totally difficult for you and totally challenging, but you sense something in you... you sense this: "Yes, I know, he's right. I know. I don't want to hear this, it's difficult, but he's right. I know." And then, this is for you.

But maybe I say things and you feel no resonance at all. And then, this is not for you. It's that simple. And when I receive letters, when I receive questions, I don't answer them via letter or via email, I always answer them through a video so everybody can hear the answer, because all these questions concern everybody. None of these questions are really unique. We are all humans, and we all face more or less the same challenges in this life. So, there may be things I say which I don't say to you, but to somebody else, to you, and then, it's not for you. If you don't have resonance with something, it's not for you, it's for somebody else.

So, there's never the need to think: "Oh, Mikael says this, I should do this, but I don't want." There is no need to do anything you don't want. I only want to open you up for your own guide inside of yourself. So, this being said, I read the letter now.

"Dear Mikael, I'm a mother of three children, and I'm 38 years old. I've always found my life and myself a bit weird. I'm just interested in different things than most people, and the big questions: What is this place? What are we here for? But as I never got a response, I keep putting these questions off. Since I became a mother, they have become louder again, and I find people who are also interested in these questions; and also because I get really physical symptoms if I ignore them. I get bad back pain and headaches when I ignore the Truth and when I'm not true to myself. My body can't take it anymore. It resists it with all its might. Now, I have a husband who is highly irritated by how much I just go my own way and care less and less whether anyone applauds me for it or not. I just go where it's easy and soft; where my heart is open and warm. So, against his wishes I gave birth to our third child at home, and decided that we would stop choking our children to school every morning and keep them at home instead. For lack of alternatives, he agreed but keeps saying he wants it differently.

In the process, I want to tell you that this third child came unexpectedly. She's very welcome, but you have to be honest: it's a consequence of not being faithful to myself. My body has been signaling for a long time that it doesn't want sex anymore, but the mixture of 'being a good wife', seeking connection and fulfillment, and this 'you can't keep this from him', this resulted in this child. He wished that I would have asked him back then if we should keep the child or not. I told him that he should have thought about this before we had sex. There hasn't been any sexuality for 2 years now, because it's quite clear that it's like this for me.

I can understand him well. Years ago, I would have felt the same way like he does. His irritation and annoyance never let up. I can hold it now, but it still drains my energy. I feel like he thinks I'm doing it on purpose to annoy him. When I tell him that I can't help it because otherwise it feels like something inside of me is dying, he runs away. He doesn't want to talk about it. This has been going on now for 6 years. So, for the most part, we just keep quiet and do our own things.

It's getting louder and louder inside of me that I want to follow my path. My inner bullshit detectors are getting louder and louder. I want to live my Truth with other people who feel the same. This is something that is very present in my life. People just come to me. There's always someone at my door or on my phone, free of charge of course. I would love to give to people. The orders I receive from everyday life are very clear, and the reaction to them would be too. It has a lot to do with giving, but there's my husband who feels like he's being ripped off by everything. He works, and I let the people into our home and use his money. They eat here, children play here, sometimes someone stays here overnight. Someone needs the car or the check, or fetches figs from our huge tree, and my husband is just throwing his arm up in the air. As we live together and earn money together and have children together, many decisions are somehow impossible to make alone. Then there is this stretching area: do I do it the way I feel inside, or do I do it in a way that doesn't make him feel screwed up.

I would love to leave, but I don't know where. I'm waiting for life to show me the next step to get out of this rut, because it hasn't been showing itself for years. And then I think: maybe I just need to make a decision and just go out into the void. Do you have any words for me?"

Thank you for this question. Thank you for this beautiful, beautiful letter. This letter puts the situation so clearly. You begin to wake up. You begin to feel yourself. You begin to hear your soul whispering in your life. And then it feels like your life doesn't fit to you anymore. You have the feeling you are outgrowing your life, and you want to change it. We get the first taste of the Truth, and that's a miracle, but then we don't know what to do with it. And what we usually do, and this is totally natural and totally human: we do what we always did in the past. We don't like something, we want something else, and then we try to make our life fit. We try to make the people around us fit to this "new", but paradoxically, this Truth we begin to discover in our life, we discovered by moments of grace, we discovered by moments of complete surrender and acceptance. We don't even know how it happened. We experience the Truth not because we tried so hard, but because for a moment, just by accident, we let go. And then, we use our old habits, our old ways of living, our old strategies, to deal with this new. We want it, and that's just the opposite of what's actually working. You know what I mean?

It's like... this peace you can sometimes feel in yourself, this peace grows and prospers on being here, on surrender, on "Thy Will be done". When you have this attitude even only for a brief moment, you're in a totally different world. And usually, these first tastes of the Truth are unexpected for us. We don't even know how it happened. And that's why we don't know how to foster it and how to make it grow in our lives. What we do is that we experience the Truth for the first time in our life, and then we take over and say: "Okay, I know how my life needs to be so this can grow; so this can have more space in life; so I have more peace, more happiness; so the Truth can spread in my life."

But we experienced the Truth for the very first time because for a moment, this "I" who knows all these things was not there. For a moment, this belief that I know how my life should be was not there, and then there's the Truth in you. I'm going to suggest a few things to you which might sound strange to you, to a part of you. But since you ask me, I'm sure that there is also another part in you which hears it and which says "yes, yes".

You write that this has been going on for six years now, your situation in your marriage with your husband, in your life, and nothing changes. This situation you find yourself in right now is in your life not because it's a problem. This is in your life because it is exactly what you need. It is exactly what you have been asking for. And what I suggest to you now is that for a while, don't try to change your life, don't try to create a new life, but instead really step into the life you have. Stop fighting. Stop fighting against yourself, against your life. You say (now): "I'm not fighting against myself. I know exactly what I want. I just don't know how to live like this." But that's what I mean: embrace the life you have, in each and every moment, without fight, without quarrel.

I'm not saying that you should do things you don't want to do, that's not what I'm suggesting at all. Just stop wishing for something else. Look around: how is it? What's needed? Why I'm here? What needs to be done now, here, in this life, not in the new life? So, my suggestion is that you don't step out of your life, step in. Don't wish for your life to be different, but be here in this moment, in this life, as it is, with the way you are. And you say: "I'm different. I don't fit here anymore. I'm different. I need a different life." I suggest: "Be the way you are, where you are."

I want to tell you a story. I heard this story the first time many many years ago, and it really touched me, and today I know the story is totally true, and it works like this. I want to tell you this story and I also want to tell you a few other things about my life, to tell you a little bit about how these things really work, because they don't work the way we think. I said before: we discover the Truth, something totally new, but then, because we don't know anything else, we apply our old strategies to the new, and it just doesn't work. You need completely new tools, so to speak. And the story is about a doctor, about a psychiatrist. And if I remember the story correctly, this story happened in South America.

And this psychiatrist got a new assignment. He became the head of a psychiatric station for really severe cases. He took over this station, it was a closed psychiatric station in a hospital, and all the patients there were very difficult cases, dangerous cases. The atmosphere, the working atmosphere there was terrible. The people working there, the caretakers, the nurses, they were scared. They were scared to be there. They were scared of the patients. They would walk around the hallways with their back to the wall because they were always alert of being attacked or in danger. It was a terrible situation. And these patients were such that basically, everybody was sure that these people will never be healed and never leave the psychiatric hospital ever again in their life, these patients. It was clear that they cannot be healed, they cannot be changed.

And then this new doctor came. And what he did is: he sat in his office, in his room, and what he did is: he took the files of each patient; he looked at the file, he looked at the picture of that person, and he said to this person, inside... he didn't speak to the patients, he did it all inside of himself. He said: "Thank you. Thank you for being like this. I love you." And he said: "I am sorry. I'm sorry that you have to be like this so you can be in my life. I'm sorry." This doctor practiced complete acceptance. He said: "Thank you that you are here the way you are." That patient is totally difficult, totally impossible, dangerous, but this doctor said inside of himself: "Thank you, I love you. I am sorry", because this doctor knew that everything which shows up in his life is because of him, for him; that it's the best.

But usually, we cannot imagine this. We just cannot imagine it. And he did this with every one of these patients. He didn't see the patients because there was nothing he could do with them, but that's what he did. He worked on himself, so to speak. He accepted his life. He accepted his work completely, every bit of it, every single patient. And what happened out of this is absolutely amazing. As I said: he couldn't work with the patients directly. He just did that.

But over time, something changed. Somehow, the patients changed; they became more relaxed. The work atmosphere changed. The staff wasn't scared anymore. Some of these patients left the hospital after a few years. Things happened there which were deemed totally impossible. And I love this story. And this story is exactly in line with what I experience in my life over and over again.

The lesson of the story is not that you should allow yourself to be abused. It doesn't tell you: "Do things you don't want to do." It only tells you how you deal with your life inside of you: stop fighting. You're fighting your life very very hard. Say "yes", and then see what happens. You will be amazed. You can take the file of your husband, your emotional file, your inner file, when you are alone. Not with him... all these things I'm talking about, they are inside. Love him the way he is. Accept him the way he is. This doesn't mean that you have to play along. It doesn't mean that you have to have sex with him; none of these things. It doesn't mean anything. It just means that inside you say "yes". And then, you will find out that it's much easier for you to deal with him, and you don't know what will happen.

You don't know how you will react. But you will find completely new ways to live your life. I don't know how they will look like, but my experience is: when I say "yes" inside... when I say "I love you", then I'm here, in my power, and I deal with a situation in a totally new way I could have never ever imagined. And the other person changes. I don't know how it happens, but it's true, without you saying a word, without discussion, without these terrible conversations which are so painful and lead nowhere.

I want to tell you something very interesting what my Indian Guru Swamiji says about marriage. And when you hear this for the first time, it sounds a little bit weird, but maybe you want to listen to this. He said: when you are in a relationship or in a marriage, you are connected to this other being, whether you know it or not; or whether you like it or not. Having sex together is enough, and this connection is established. And he describes it like this: it's like a U-tube. In the laboratories, they have these U-tubes, and you can fill water into the one side of the U-tube, and then, the water will flow and will evenly distribute in both ends, so the water level on both ends is always the same. That's the characteristics of a U-tube.

And what it means is: when you are in a relationship, when you're connected to another human being, when you live with this person, when you have sex with this person, or when you're married, or whenever you have a close connection, your glass tube cannot fill up without the other end filling up as well. You cannot develop when he doesn't develop. It's not possible. And you can't change it. Of course, you can divorce your husband, but that doesn't change your relationship. Actually, it makes it even stronger when you divorce and you fight and you say "no", it makes it stronger, but you know this. So... you can only enter freedom together. And this sounds a little weird, but I will tell you how it works.

When you turn your attention inside, when you stop trying to fix the outside, and you stop trying to make it work with your husband, and you stop trying to talk to him, and you stop trying to change your life so you live a life with people who you believe are like you and who you believe will be easier companions, then you turn your attention inside. And you do this what you experienced when you discovered the Truth for the first time in your life: you're just in peace. You say just "yes, yes". Yes to your husband, yes to your children, to every one of them: "I love you". Yes to every aspect of your life the way it is.

And when you do this, it is like you open yourself up for reality. So far, you are fighting reality, and this is normal. I understand you totally, and we totally believe we know it better; we know how it should be. But I suggest to you: do the opposite. Step into your life... I'm talking about inside... and say "yes" to every single aspect. And then, something opens up in you towards reality, towards how things are. And what happens then is that your values, your consciousness, your ability to see, your energy, flows through this opening in you to your husband, to your children, to everything in your life. And then miracles happen. I can only tell you: miracles happen. I've seen it in my life, I have seen it in the lives of people close to me. It's absolutely amazing, and that's the secret.

Of course, there's a big difference between you and your husband. You're more conscious than he is; it looks like this, I don't know him, but maybe. But when you say "yes", when you are open to how things are, then this can flow and change everything around you. But if you say "no", if you fight, then you're closed, and nothing of you can flow to the other, quite the contrary. And then you're closed not only to how things are, but you're also closed to the Truth which wants to kiss you. So, just to make it totally clear: I'm not suggesting that you do things you don't want. Just stay in the moment in your everyday life and see what feels right, what doesn't feel right, and be true to yourself. You must be true to yourself. Just stop wishing for anything to be different. And step into your life. Be here where you are, be infinitely patient, and say "yes", but not this "yes" where think: "Okay, Mikael says I should say yes. Okay, I hate this, but let's say yes." Of course, you know: this doesn't work. No. Unconditionally "yes" with your whole power: "yes".

Jesus says this. He says: "Your Will be done, not mine." And Jesus had an amazing life, an absolutely amazing life. And then he faced an extremely difficult situation in his life: he got nailed to a cross, and everybody will agree: this is an impossible situation. Why does God permit this? But what did Jesus do? He said: "Yes, your Will be done. Yes, yes." And what happened was totally amazing. He got completely transformed. His life transformed completely. Of course, the church doesn't know anything about this, because they don't know what really happened. But he survived the crucifixion, and he was seen walking around a few days later as a completely transformed being. He was a huge Saint before, but this saying "yes", this surrender, this acceptance, transformed him even more.

You won't be crucified, don't worry. It's just an extreme example. Jesus says: even in such a situation... if you are able to say "yes"; if you are able to step into your life, into the situation, not out, miracles happen, just like with the doctor in the clinic. And these are not miracles, this is totally normal. Once you begin to experience this in your life, you experience it more and more often, and then you realize: this is just how life ticks. It's totally understandable after a while. But when you don't know this, it sounds very weird and very strange.

I want to tell you about how my relationship which I had before I met the woman I'm living with now, how my last relationship, how that ended. We met briefly after I came to my spiritual master Soham. I came to Soham 23 years ago and started working for him and traveling with him, and I was with him all the time. And briefly after that, a woman joined the crew of Soham as well, and it didn't take long and we were together. And the relationship lasted... I don't know, I have a hard time remembering these time frames, but I think it was 10 years or 12 years we were together, maybe even more. I forget these things... But then there was a time in the relationship where I got a sense that this will pass, this will come to an end. Somehow I felt it.

And I fell in love with another woman, and I thought: "Oh, this other woman is great. I want to be with her." And I remember... I was writing to Soham, to my Master, a letter saying: "You know, I decided, I will be with this other woman." This other woman was also part of the team traveling with Soham. I wrote to him: "I decided I will be with her. I will end the relationship with my girlfriend." And he wrote me a letter back, with one sentence. He wrote: "I am sad." He wrote: "Beloved Mikael"... "Beloved Dhyan Michael", he said. "I am sad". That's all. That's all he said.

And in the beginning, I didn't know what he meant. I thought he is sad that I want to leave this old relationship, and it took a long time, years... only later I realized why he said "I'm sad." With him, I learned to be more and more with myself, more and more live in the Truth which means: just rest in myself, be here, rest here. I learned this from him, year after year. And then I decided: I want to be with this other woman. I want to change my life. I didn't want to leave Soham and the team, but I thought: "Okay, this is wrong. I want this woman. I will change this whole thing." I was totally in love. It's kind of embarrassing to talk about it, but it was like this.

And he was sad because he knew me. I was coming closer and closer to myself and becoming more and more happy, and just more and more being here. And suddenly, this guy, me, said: "There's my happiness! I want to be with this woman. This is it." He was sad because I started focusing on the outside again, looking for happiness there. And he was sad about this because he knew that I will be very disappointed after a short time. And the story continued like this: I didn't get together with this new lady, I stayed with my girlfriend, because somehow, although I didn't understand what he was writing... I didn't understand the reason why he said this; somehow, it touched me; somehow it woke me up. It sobered me, as if I was drunk before, and suddenly I was sober again. So, it's not that I decided to not be with this other woman. It's not that I decided to stay with my girlfriend. I didn't decide anything. I just returned to "here". I just returned into reality and stayed there and said "yes" again to my life.

So, I lived with my girlfriend, and the indications that the time will come to an end were there, and I could feel it. It was like I could see the future, just like you have these glimpses of your future life, too. And I talked to my Master about it, and he said: "Don't talk about it. Don't talk about it together. Don't discuss things. Don't decide anything. Just feel your feelings. Just be where you are. Be in the moment. Stay in the moment. Be where you are. Feel your feelings. Don't decide anything, and don't talk." And that's what I did. And he said the same things to my girlfriend.

And then, for the first time in my life, I experienced a happy ending of a relationship. I don't know how to describe this to you. We just stayed together. It was a funny situation, because in a way, she knew that the relationship is coming to an end, I knew it. She loved me, I loved her, but she was in pain and I was in pain. But we didn't talk. I was close to myself. I felt my feelings. She was close to herself, she felt her feelings. And through this, we were very connected and very intimate and very loving, but in a natural way, through the inside, so to speak. And then, slowly, slowly... it took a few years... it was like the relationship slowly, slowly disappeared. Nobody made a decision. Nobody ran away. Nobody kicked somebody out. We just lived together, day by day. We felt the love, we felt the pain, we felt all the feelings, each of us for ourselves. And we didn't even notice it, but I remember that day where I thought: "Interesting". I thought: "The relationship is not here anymore", and I was free. But this was something I've never experienced before, because it happened by itself, naturally, when the time was right. You know, when the time is ready for something, it happens by itself. And when it happens by itself, it's beautiful, it's beneficial for you, it's beneficial for the other, for everybody involved. It was an amazing experience for me.

And I know other examples. I know people who were in... I just recently talked to a lady who was in a situation which is kind of similar to yours, even much worse, much stronger, much more painful, terrible situation. But this lady had already been with a Master for 20 years and meditating for a long time, and she decided to stay where she is. But she was true to herself. She didn't allow any bullshit. She didn't do anything she didn't want, and when she wanted to do something, she did this, although it was totally difficult. But she didn't change her life. She remained where she was, in an impossible situation. And her life changed completely, almost overnight, without her doing anything. And now, when she looks back, it's like she can only wonder with open mouth how life, how God arranges these things, without her having to do anything, without her having to fight, argue, hurt herself or hurt others.

I tell you these things because it feels almost unnatural to do what I suggest to you: to just remain where you are. And I want to tell you: "This is how it really works". And the other doesn't work, you know this. I'm sure you know: whatever you will arrange in your life, no matter how beautiful it looks like, no matter how beautiful it sounds, you will end up in the same mess again because you have not changed. It's kind of a paradox. If you cannot say "yes" to your life right now, you will not be able to say "yes" to your life tomorrow. If you want to change your life today, you will want to change your life tomorrow, too. And that's why the agony continues.

By the way, there's something I want to tell you. At the end of your letter, you say that you would like to live together with people who are like you; who share this Truth. There are many spiritual communities in this world, and there's not one of them I know which works. Whatever I hear from these people is that it's very very difficult. Some of them are really disappointed. But it's no wonder You know, when you are a human being who wants to change his or her life, who is discontent with what you have, and then you meet with other people who feel the same, and it feels good. You come together and you think: "Together we will build something much better". But look at it closely. What happens is that a whole bunch of people who are all saying "no" to their life and wanting a new life, they all come together with this attitude. And in the beginning, it sounds great, it sounds beautiful, but that's how these people come together. They stay like this. They are discontent tomorrow too. And these spiritual communities, they are very difficult. These people have not learned to say "yes". These people have not learned to live a spiritual life: that you learn where you are right now.

Now, there are spiritual communities which work beautifully, and these are those who are formed around a Guru or a Master. And they work because when you are there, you are not there because you want a community, you are there because you want to be close to this Master or to this Guru. And then, there are many other people who want the same, and that's how you come together. And this Guru or this Master, he teaches you to turn inwards. He teaches you to be inside. He teaches you acceptance, surrender. He teaches you to say "yes" to yourself, to be here in the moment. And he teaches the same thing to everybody else. And then, these people come together, not because they're looking for a better life, but because they are in love with this Master, and they're all learning to focus on the inside. They're all learning to not resist but to be here and to say "yes". And everything is easy.

And then, sometimes, the Master dies or the Guru dies, and then these communities change and become difficult again when these people lose that inner focus and slowly start focusing on the old ways of living again, and then the old problems come back. And that's the reason why the dream of a better life together with like-minded people doesn't work, because you are in fact like-minded people: you want all something different. And this mindset stays.

Now, when you foster this new mindset where you are right now... you don't have to wait for any new people. You can do this yourself when you begin to say "yes" now, inside of you; when you learn surrender, acceptance, now, where you are. Then you will meet like-minded people who also say "yes", who also don't want anything else than what is. Then your husband will miraculously change. You don't even know how it's possible, or he will go away. You don't know what happens, but you will be with like-minded people, but not because you made a decision, but because you became the person you're looking for, so to speak. When you are like this, other people like you will come to you. All the people around you will become like you. And as long as you are fighting your life, you will meet other people fighting life, and the people who are already in your life will be fighting too. That's how it is.

And this fight is subtle. I said in the beginning of my answer to you: "You're fighting life", and maybe you say: "This is not true, Mikael", but maybe... look closely. Maybe you feel it a little bit. So, I suggest that you are where you are and you become the person you're looking for. Be where you are. Say "yes". Love yourself. Be true to yourself, and accept life as it is in this moment.

I'm not sure whether you do the Samarpan Meditation already or not. Maybe you wrote about it in an earlier letter, but I'm not sure. I apologize for not remembering. But if you do this meditation already, this is all you need. This is the tool for you to learn this inside focus, and then, very quickly, very quickly, you will begin to experience change in you and in your life. It doesn't take long. And if you don't know this meditation yet, I want to warmly recommend it to you. You can just try out. Start it for 45 days. Swamiji always says this: "Do it for 45 days", every morning; half an hour every morning. 45 days. This is 22 and a half hours of your life. Just try it. And whenever you do this meditation, it is like you practice this just being here without anything else. And that, this openness in you, this completely new attitude, this will change your whole life, as I described before with this U-tube: it will change your husband, it will change your children, it will change you, it will change your house, your flat.

I know that it is very tempting to believe that making decisions, changing your life, is what's needed, and my guess is that you find a lot of support for this. And maybe I'm the only one who says the opposite, but I don't care. That's what worked in my life, always, every time, and also in the relationship I have now. I have a beautiful relationship. I'm really lucky. But of course there are... you know, we are living together now since many years, and there were times and aspects of my partner where I thought this is strange or difficult, but of course I never said anything. I live the way I recommend to you. I only focus on myself. I feel my feelings. I just say "yes" to everything all the time. And I can only tell you: miracles happen all the time.

It is really like this: when you start just focusing on your inside and saying "yes" to how things are, it is as if all of your qualities, through this opening inside of you, all of your qualities, the good qualities, flow to your partner and to the people around you, and then your partner is being changed and influenced by you without you saying a word. You couldn't speak to him about these things, this is impossible, as you know. It's totally impossible. But that's how it reaches him. That's how it works. And your peace, your acceptance, will change yourself and your whole life. That's the way. That's the direction. Everything else is a detour.

Now, I said in the beginning of my answer to you: the only thing which matters is what you feel energy and resonance with, and this is the most important thing. You write in your letter that you can't help it but be true to yourself no matter what it means, and I completely understand. I am the same, and that's what I encourage you to: be the way you are. Just don't make any decisions. Don't think about anything. Just be here. And don't do anything I suggest. Follow your own knowing. But since you wrote me this letter... since you ask me, I know that there's some part in you which will hear this.

Now that I'm speaking to you, I remember more and more people... I know about their lives, how their lives changed. Just now, in the last moment, I remembered another lady I know who was in exactly the same situation like you. It's amazing: three kids, a husband who is totally unspiritual, and she was totally in love with her Master, and exactly like your situation. But she listened to the Master. She had the same Master I have. And she just focused inside. And then, she started watching... In the years to come, she started watching how this impossible situation of her life, with her marriage, with the kids, with the house, how this all dissolved in the best way and in an unimaginable way.

And the longer I speak to you, the more of these cases I remember. I forget these things, but it really works like this. But it requires you to forget this old way of living, and to trust this "new" which you can sense in you. And that's all it needs. That's why life is so easy. It really all happens by itself. It's amazing. And I said in the beginning that you can see your new life, and I understand this. I know this experience. It's like you can feel what's possible, but you don't know how to get there. And I make a prediction: this life you sense... that's what's possible... It will happen. But you don't know how. When you turn inwards, when you are just here like the doctor in this psychiatric clinic... When you just accept yourself and all the patients, your life will unfold, and in a few years from now, you will look back and you will shake your head and you will not know how this change was possible. You see a new life coming up on the horizon, but that what you will experience will be much much better than anything you can see now. This is my own personal experience also with my life.

Like these videos, for instance. There was a moment where I suddenly had the clear vision: I will make videos about my life. And I was in shock because I thought: "I will never do this; I cannot do this; I will never speak. This is not my thing. I don't want to do this." But I prepared everything. I had no clue how to do this. I just kept on with my normal work and I waited. And whenever I had the impulse to do something and prepare something like the website or buying a camera or taking care of the lights for the videos or getting a microphone, I did this, but nothing happened; nothing happened. I made test videos, and they were good, but then, nothing happened. And I never made a decision. I never said to myself: "now I should start", or "now I want to start". I had this clear vision that something is coming up, and I just waited. I kept on living. I kept on working. I kept on following my little impulses from day to day in my everyday life.

And in this case, it took two and a half years. I was just waiting. People asked me... I had spoken with a few intimate friends about this vision and about a few test videos, and they said: "Oh, this feels great", and: "Do it." I couldn't. I just waited. I knew it would happen, but I had no idea how, and I had no idea when. And then, one day half a year ago, suddenly there was: "Oh, now it's time. I want to start, now." And then it took four more weeks, and the whole thing started. And how it started, and how it happens now, and how I speak, I have no clue how this all is possible. But it all happens slowly, slowly, by itself. We don't have to know it. We don't know how it will happen. We don't know how it will be.

You can sense what's coming, but don't let yourself be tempted by this vision into something you do. That what you feel coming will not be made by you. It will be made for you, but not by you. That's my experience in my life.

I want to close this video with something Swamiji keeps saying. He says: "Don't change yourself. Be the way you are. Be where you are. But meditate." And then, all this happens by itself. If you have questions about this, please, write to me. Let me know. I'm happy to say more about it or clarify something or answer more questions. This is such a fruitful deep subject: how to support that what we feel coming in us and in our lives after we begin to wake up.

Thank you for listening. Thank you for being here. Now you know why I say "thank you" at the end of my videos.

I just say: "Thank you that you are in my life. And I love you."