Return to yourself

Good morning.

This morning, I will make a video in which I will answer many different questions from many different people. Basically, I do two different kinds of videos. The one kind is where I speak about one specific topic at length, and the other kind is the kind of video I will do today where I answer lots of questions, and I'm really looking forward to this today. I received a lot of letters, a lot of emails, and it's high time that I answer. And today is a first. Today... you see: behind me is this beautiful plant with these lovely flowers.

And this orchid, that's the first orchid I've ever used for my videos. When I started the videos in the beginning of May last year, this orchid was there with me. And now it started blooming again, and that's why it is allowed to participate in the video today again. I love it. I love these plants. When an orchid stops blooming and the flowers go away, then I move them out of the picture, and I get another one which is blooming, so it's looking beautiful in the video. I just like this nature in the picture.

But now, I'm doing videos since 9 months or so, and now many of these orchids, which came into my little office for the videos, now they all start blooming again. Now I'm surrounded by so many plants which are all in bloom at the same time, and I just love it. Unfortunately, you only can see one of them right now. So, let's start. I will read the first email.

Sensations at the crown chakra

"I have a question about Samarpan Meditation. Whenever I concentrate on the crown chakra, my head hurts at that point. Well, it's not really bad pain, rather an unpleasant feeling of pressure in the upper part of my head. Maybe I'm concentrating on the wrong point or too much on the top of my head. How do I find the right spot and how big is this spot exactly?

How much volume does this point have? For me, the point feels about the size of the palm of my hand, and it's about 5 to 6 centimeters high. I mean, this is just a feeling. I can't really measure it. I've also heard that the crown chakra is actually above your own head, so, above the body, slightly outside. What do you think about that?"

Thank you for this question. I love these practical questions about the Samarpan Meditation.

I don't think that you have to worry too much about the details. The important thing during the meditation is that our attention rests here at this spot of the body. That's what the Indians call the crown chakra. Sometimes, I'm also not so sure, is this spot here or there or where is it exactly? But my experience is that it doesn't really matter.

I just go with my attention up here, just to the highest spot which I can still feel of my body. For me, it's important that I don't imagine something, but that I stay with what I feel physically. And then, I just I rest there with my attention. And at some point during the meditation, I start getting sensations at that spot. That's the crown chakra.

You don't have to worry about how exactly it is, how big. This is not the important thing. However, what you say is also my experience. It really feels as if this spot actually is above my body, although I can feel it. It's really strange, but that's the truth. I just said: it's very important that you don't entertain imaginations. It's very easy, and there are actually meditations where people do this on purpose, that they go into pictures, into images, into imaginations.

But that's not meditation. That's thinking, thinking in a holy camouflage. It's important that we don't think, that we don't imagine anything, that we don't entertain images, anything like this... that we just remain with what we directly feel, just simple feelings, just here. And it really feels after a while that this is slightly above the head.

And for me, it is like this crown chakra is that part of the real world, of the world which is not part of this world here, what we feel so real... that's the only spot we can feel from this actual world without going away into imaginations, into thinking. And that's why it's so magic. That's why this meditation is such an amazing miracle.

You don't do anything special. You just rest here with your attention, but you are connected with something you cannot see, you cannot feel. You're connected to something you don't know anything about. But this something is vast and strong, and this changes our lives.

Thank you for your question. Thank you.

I'll go on to the next question.

"I would like to say something regarding your video 'The Sins of the Fathers', in which you respond to questions from two mothers. I'm also a mother, my children are now 21, 19 15 years old. I understood very early on in my motherhood, when my two older children were still small and my third child was not yet born... I understood that what you advised in this video: that it is important as a mother to set out on your own path.

But what I overlooked in all of my efforts to be myself is that as a mother, I'm not the only parent. There's also the father, and there's also that what he brings to the table. In your first answer to the woman with a crying child, I wondered whether there might be something of the father reflected in the child."

Thank you. Of course, there is something of the father reflected in the child, naturally, that's inevitable. But you, as the mother, the only job you have is: worry about yourself. That's what you can do. You can take care that you are as happy and as much in peace with yourself as you can, and this will benefit your children. When the father does this himself, of course, this is a tremendous blessing for the child and for the father, naturally. But this is not your business. This is not something you can do. That's his task. He has to find his way to this point himself. You cannot push him.

But, you know, when you start taking care of yourself, and you already did, then this will not only influence your children, this will also influence the father, when he's living with you.

So, don't worry about the other people. Just look at yourself, and whatever you do for yourself will benefit everybody else around you. And if you're living in a relationship or marriage, your partner will pick it up slowly. Maybe you don't see it, but it is happening without you talking about it, without you demanding anything.

Here in this relationship where I live, my partner, she has two children, and she is lovely with the kids. And as a mother, you have such a profound, natural connection with the children, and as a man, you don't have this. The child was conceived in you. The child grew in you during pregnancy. The child came into this world through you. The child is a part of you.

You have a connection and an understanding with the child which is... As a man, you can only look in awe. And it's very easy to feel wrong and inadequate when you are a man, because you see how the mother is with the children. You see the rapport she has with the children, this connection, this natural understanding.

And for me at least... maybe there are other men who are different, but for me, it is like I can only see: I don't have this. Yes, I love the children. Yes, I understand them. Yes, I only want the best. Yes, I only find them beautiful. But I cannot even come close to this natural, intrinsic love and oneness which I can sense from the outside between the mother and the children.

My partner, sometimes, she tells me a little bit about the children. She never tells me how I should be or how I should behave. She never tells me: "Hey, you should be different", and I'm grateful for this. But sometimes, once in a great while, she explains something to me about the children when she notices that I have no clue what's going on. And I'm grateful for this, because I lack this natural understanding for the children.

But because she does it very rarely and because she does it without expecting anything from me, it's easy for me to listen and to hear. And maybe, I hope, maybe I even learn some things. So, yes, of course, the father plays a role, but the father has to go his own way. He has to learn it in some way, in his own way. It's not so easy for the man.

Thank you for your question.

Dual Souls - why do we not come together?

Now I come to an email which is very touching and very, very long, and this is why I will not read it out. It's too long to read, and also too personal, but I want to try to condense it down to what it is about. Basically, she fights about a relationship she didn't have. It's a woman writing, and she met this man, a teacher, and she felt this amazing connection, and she felt this potential, this possibility of a union with this other human being, with this man, something she never ever experienced before.

She writes about "dual souls", about an experience where you sense that you're almost one soul together. But life went in such a way that they did not become partners. They didn't live together. They had some rare encounters and meetings, but, eventually, this other human being started withdrawing, and it became clear that it will not happen that these 2 souls live together and merge together in the way what she felt possible. And now, she wonders: "Why is this? Why does life give me this experience and this possibility, and then it doesn't work? What did I do wrong, or what's going on?"

And it is like this: when we do not already know the path to our own inside, when we have not discovered yet the path to Heaven, to our Heaven, to the God inside, but we become ready, then we become very sensitive, we become very open. And we start experiencing... First on the outside, we start experiencing a glimpse of God, a glimpse of the potential of life.

But we connect it with the other person. We connect it with the outer circumstances in which we experience this first glimpse of the truth. Osho, an Indian mystic, once said: "Through the other, we experience God", and that's true. That's how it feels.

But that's not the path. That's not the way. It only gives us a taste of what's possible.

And when you have the experience that you can live with a person like this, when you can spend your whole life with a person like this, you will discover: "That's not where God is. It only gave me a taste." Maybe it's lovely to live together, maybe it's absolutely beautiful, and yet: that's not where you find God and Heaven.

So, in your case, you are very, very lucky. Life gives you this taste. You are ready. You are sensitive, you are open, but life does not lead you onto this detour into the outside. We are used to only live on the outside, and that is where we look for God: in the other people.

But for you, it's time to go inside, and that is the true path, that is where you find what you long for. That is the direction where you will experience that, what you feel possible through the grace of this experience you had with this human being.

The direction is inside, and what you experience is life's grace, is life's mercy, making it impossible for you to look at a place where you will not find it. It saves you a lot of time and a lot of trouble.

You might not know this now, but you will find out. I promise you.

And I know how it is. You feel with every cell of your being: "This would be it". It's like, you have no idea how God is and what God is and what Heaven is, but you sense: this is the direction. It's like you get a little taste of it, through the other person. But I tell you: forget the other person. Forget this man. Turn inside. Start meditating.

Rest in yourself, rest in your crown chakra, and very, very soon, you will experience things and you will discover things which will make you forget what you experienced. Then you know what I'm talking about. This man, this experience you had, was a gift for you, because it showed you what's possible just a little bit. But the actual direction is elsewhere: inside.

Thank you for your letter. I totally enjoyed reading it. Thank you.

The partner wants it differently

So, I read the next question. "I have seen all your videos, and I love listening to you. You describe everything so easy and lovingly. Thank you for that. One of the videos is about "being the way you are", and that is an issue for me. I doubt my own personality. I compare myself to others, especially to other women.

The women around me are alive, emotional, they talk a lot and so on. I see myself as quiet, as someone who doesn't have much to say. Long meetings and company exhaust me. I prefer things to be quieter. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm not too boring and whether I'm good enough for my partner. Please tell me something about this."

Thank you for your question. I love these questions so much, because, basically, everybody feels like this when they're honest to themselves.

When you compare yourself to other people, you will always lose. You're never good enough. You can't compare yourself to other people because you are unique. I'm also boring. I'm totally boring. I'm such a boring guy. And I also don't like much company. I like it quiet, just as you. I don't like big parties. I don't like big events.

I'd rather be alone.

And for me, this is beautiful, as long as I don't compare myself to others, to all these great men out there who are strong and alive and whatever my mind could come up with. It's a joke.

And concerning the question whether you are good enough for your partner: that's not your business. I mean, the only question you need to ask yourself is: "Can I be different? Could I be different?" And the answer is clear.

You just are the way you are. You can't be different. So, wondering about whether you are enough or good enough for your partner or not, is a waste of time. It's not your business. It's his business. But since he is with you, obviously, he likes it.

For me, it is like this: I am the way I am, and I love my partner, I'm very happy that she wants to live with me. But if she would not be happy with me, all I could say is: "I'm sorry, I'm the way I am. Take it or leave it." And it is like this. It is the truth. So, don't worry about it. Let your partner worry about this.

Just be the way you are. Everything will be fine. Usually, that's how most people think... Usually, we think that we have to make efforts to be good enough for other people, and it never works. The more you try to be better, the worse it gets. But when you start to discover how you actually are, and when you begin to just be the way you are, and when you begin to refuse to change, then you will make a very interesting discovery.

The more you are the way you are, the more you refuse to be different, the more people like you, the more beautiful you become, the bigger you become, the stronger you become. It is amazing. So, there is nothing to worry about.

Thank you for writing.

And, by the way, what drives this urge to change ourselves often is this fear: "If I'm not good enough for him, then he might leave me." But ask yourself: do you want to live with a person who doesn't like you the way you are? Do you really want this?

Is it not better to face the truth? Find out. Be the way you are, and find out whether he likes it. You will be surprised.

So, on to the next question. I enjoy answering these questions so very much.

Sleeping Problems

"There's an issue I want to ask you about. I have been having problems sleeping for some time now. I have trouble falling asleep, and I wake up every hour. And then, I'm not refreshed in the morning. Nothing has changed in my daily rhythm. We go to bed around 10:30 in the evening. Sometimes, I wonder if it's because of the relationship. When I lived alone, I had more space for myself, and I have to be honest: I prefer to sleep alone. But my partner wants to sleep together.

Until four years ago, when we had two separate households, I liked it better. I felt freer and happier. I felt more joy. Since we've been living together, everything revolves around my partner, his children, his grandchildren, friends, and so on. I hardly have anything of my own. I have suggested several times that we should have two households again, but he doesn't want that. He says, this is not for him. He wants to live with a woman. Sometimes, I feel constricted."

Thank you for your letter. Thank you so much. Yes, I can understand that you feel constricted, but let's look what's constricting you here, because it's not the man.

You feel like you would like to sleep alone at night. You feel: you would like to live in a separate household. He likes to sleep together. He likes to live together, and he can do so. He doesn't constrict you in any way. He just tells you what he wants.

You know what you want, but you don't do it. You know you want to sleep alone, but you don't sleep alone at night. You sleep together with him at night, every night. That's constricting.

And you are not true to yourself. You ignore what you need. That's constricting. It's not him. There's nothing wrong with him wanting to sleep together. Everybody can want whatever they want. The only question is: "How do you take care of yourself?"

Whether he likes it or not, that's his business. He can decide. You take care of yourself.

About the practical issues: I understand you very well. I love to sleep alone. I sleep in my own room every night. I do this since many, many years, but it's relatively new. Most of my life, I was always sleeping together with the woman I was living with, in one bed. It was normal for me. I didn't know anything else. But then, I guess, it started like 15 years ago or maybe 12 years ago, I noticed how different I sleep when I sleep alone.

I discovered it by accident because life made it impossible for me to live together with the woman I was having a relationship with. We only saw each other infrequently. Sometimes we spent a week here or there together, and then we slept together in one bed. But then, I had so much opportunity to sleep alone, and I noticed: "Oh, this is so good for me." And then I started sleeping alone also when we were together. So, I understand your desire very well.

But he doesn't want to, and that's not your business. You take care of yourself. And, you know, it is like this: when you start being unfaithful to yourself, when you neglect your own needs, everything becomes difficult, everything becomes impossible. After a while, nothing works, and you have the feeling that you have huge problems. That is why I advise you: start with the little things. Start sleeping alone. When you do this for a while, then you will find out: "Is this enough space for me, or do I really need separate houses?"

And if you then find out: "I want to live alone", then do it. You have no other choice. It's like the same thing what I said in the previous question. We have this feeling that we need to change and adapt so we fulfill the needs and expectations of our partner in order for the relationship to work. But what we actually do is that we sabotage the relationship. Nobody is able to live a relationship when he or she is not true to him- or herself. It is impossible. It doesn't work. What does work is when you are true to yourself, and then, everything becomes easy.

And when you start being true to yourself with one thing, you might experience that many other things you experience as problems right now might disappear, because the one thing constricting you is you not being true to yourself. And when you start this, everything will appear in a different light. Maybe you still want to live alone, but maybe not. You don't know. The important thing is not whether you live alone or whether you sleep alone. The important thing is that you finally begin to be true to yourself.

And what that means, that's different for everybody. And what that means will also change with you on the way, while you learn to be true to yourself. So, you don't have to make a long list of things: "Okay, I want to be true to you to myself. This means I have to change this, I have to change this, I have to change this..." This is not needed. Just start with one little thing.

Start being true to yourself, and then you experience how that is. And then, maybe you start with the next thing. And while you learn this, many other things will change by themselves. You will be amazed. It's much easier than you think.

It requires you to let go, because normally, we are not true to ourselves because we fear to be left by our partner.

So, you have to be willing to be left. You have to make peace with this imaginary possibility, and then you're free, then you can be true to yourself. Whether he actually will leave you or not, you don't know, you have no idea.

But when you make peace with being alone, when you make peace with your fears, then you are free, and then you're not scared anymore of what might happen, and then you are able to take care of yourself.

And I know how it feels. This was a big challenge in my own life. I didn't know it at that time, but 24 years ago, when I came to my spiritual master, I used to do everything for my partner. I did everything to make sure I'm okay, I do the right things. I did everything so she's happy. I didn't know anything about my own happiness. And then, I discovered that I only do all these things because I was scared to be alone. And that, for me, that was the first step: making peace with my own fear of being alone.

And once I had started making peace with this, then I gained the freedom, I gained the space, I gained the possibility to be true to myself and to take care of myself. And since then, my relationships became easier and easier and better and better all the time. We think: "Nobody will like me anymore when I'm just the way I am", but the opposite is true. Take care of yourself. You will only get more beautiful, only more attractive, I tell you. There's nothing more attractive than a person who takes care of him- or herself.

But that question is irrelevant, you know... whether he likes you or not, this is not the point. Not at all. The point is: what is constricting you? It is you not being true to yourself. That is strangling you. That makes you unhappy. Nothing else.

Thank you for your letter. Thank you.

Let's see what else we have here.

Falling asleep phenomena

"I experience a phenomenon from time to time. Just before I fall asleep, a flickering kind of energy comes over me and paralyzes me. Then, I'm unable to move or to speak. I struggled with this phenomenon for a long time, but after your last letter, I said yes to it, and suddenly, I felt like I was laying in a luxury bed. It was like everything became beautiful and lovely.

At the same time, I was observing my body, and the energy was pushing me so hard that my breathing became weak. And then I got scared and I started to fight back. And then, the energy went away. I don't know what this is. I wanted to say yes until the very end, but I was afraid. Now I want the phenomenon to come back so I can test what it has to tell me, but it hasn't come back since then."

Thank you. It hasn't come back because you already understood. It hasn't come back because you learned its lesson. You said 'yes'. And, you know, that's what we discover when we finally say 'yes', no matter to what. When we say 'yes', we discover: "Oh, wow. In reality, it's not a problem at all."

And until we are at this point, it comes back again and again and again. Life is nagging us with the same trouble again and again and again until we say 'yes', and then, it disappears. That's the secret of life. I used to have a dream like that as well. Since I was a child, I had a nightmare every single night.

I think I had this dream for over 20 years, every night, and it was quite similar to your dream. It was a black and white dream, and in this dream, from a far distance, a very strong energy came whirling towards me, and then it was all around me, and then it was basically eating me up. I was vanishing in this energy, and I woke up totally scared.

But then, one day, I could say 'yes'. I could say: "Okay, eat me. Have me. I give up. I don't resist."

And what happened then is that I discovered: what I was running away from all these years... It felt like life itself. Suddenly, I met this energy pure, without my fear. I felt carried. I felt love. I felt as if this is the energy I need, and I was running away from it all of my life.

And just like you, just like in your case, this dream stopped coming and never came back. I had it a few more times. I said 'yes'. It was like I started meeting God through this. I got the feeling that all my life, that was God in disguise, just wanting to hug me and surround me with all of its power and love, but I didn't know. I misunderstood. I was just scared. I was running away. And then, I said 'yes', and it changed me. And the dream stopped coming.

And this is the secret of life. Whatever you say 'no' to keeps coming. Whatever you say 'yes' to gives you a gift, and then leaves. That's my experience.

Thank you for your question. Thank you.

Such lovely questions. Thank you so much.

Dissatisfaction - about feeling emotions

Here's the next one. "I realize that I'm often dissatisfied. The mind always finds something that shouldn't be the way it is. And then, I usually distract myself and watch a movie or eat or do something else. Now it occurred to me that this dissatisfaction is connected to feelings that I obviously don't really want to be here, and that's why they keep coming back.

And then I get the question: "How do I feel, or, how do I stay with feelings, without a story?" For me, it's more like feelings come, like sadness, and I have no clue where they come from. I just feel that they are coming and that they get stronger and stronger. You have talked about this before, but I still don't really know how to stay with feelings without sinking into the mud, without working myself up so much about it. Can you help me with this?"

I find it very helpful to not do anything with the feelings. If even this word or this expression "feeling the feeling"... For my taste, this is already said too much. What I would say is: be with the feelings. Just allow them to be there. You don't have to do anything. Let them come when they want, and then, just allow them to be there, just as if it's a pet animal, as if it's your cat.

Allow it to be there. You don't have to do anything with it. You don't have to find out why it is there. You don't have to find out what it wants to tell you. You don't have to know where it is coming from. All this is too much. Just allow it to be there. That's enough.

And we have the tendency to dramatize as soon as we feel feelings. Something is either terrible or unbearable, or it's fantastic and great, but neither is true. No feeling is fantastic. Nothing is great. No feeling is unbearable. No feeling is too much.

Just let them be there, and resist the temptation to describe it with words inside of your head, and resist the temptation to know anything about it. Just let it be there, as if you have nothing to do with it. Be quiet with it. Provide a quiet space, so the feeling can be in this quiet space. That's all.

Nothing else is important.

We haven't learned this.

As children, we were not allowed to feel our feelings, we were not allowed to express our feelings, so we found some way to tuck them away, and we did this by thinking. But now, you can just forget all the thinking, all the dramatizing. Now you can just let them be there. The rest happens by itself.

Thank you. Thank you for writing

You know, I love these questions, and it's such a joy for me to answer. And if you have questions, if you feel like it, you can write to me. You can send me an email, or you can even send me real handwritten letters. I really love these handwritten letters, and I answer every handwritten letter also with my own handwriting. Sometimes, it takes a while until I can answer, but I answer every single time.

And your questions help me. They help me to talk about those things which are normal for me, and without the questions, I would never say anything, because: how do you speak about things which are normal for you? That's why I appreciate these questions so much. And I answer all of the questions in a video, because all of us human beings have the same questions. There are not many questions. They're always the same.

That's the one thing you can do to help me: with your questions, if you feel like it. And the other way you can help me, if you want, if you feel joy for this, is: you can support me financially, if you like. I spent a lot of energy, a lot of time and also quite some money for these videos, and there's nothing I would rather do. But I appreciate help with this. When people support me a little bit financially, I have more time where I can make videos, and it's easy for me, and that's why I invite you to do this.

I just want to inform you about the possibility. Of course, everything I do is free. It's all free of charge, but I'm grateful for support. And if you're interested, on my website site, there's a page, the "Membership" page, and there you can inform yourself about the possibilities. It's very easy. And, you know, even very small contributions are very helpful for me. So, on to the next email.

No free will

"I asked you whether free will is an illusion. You answered this question by saying, 'yes, it is'. And now I would like to know: how you see these energetic laws in this context, like the law of resonance, the law of cause and effect. If I don't actually have any free will and if I can't change anything about the course of my life movie, which has long been fixed in advance, what roles do these laws play in life?"

This is a great question. Thank you so much. Thank you. We often get confused about this.

We think: if life is predetermined, if there's a script somewhere about my life, what roles play these obvious influences on my life, external forces, external circumstances which make me do something or which prevent me from doing something, which push me into a certain direction or which push me away from something else. You feel attracted to somebody or to something, and then you go there.

But this is exactly how life is directing you. It's like we are marionettes, you know, these string puppets. It's like we are string puppets, and that's how life is dancing us, by these forces, by these energies. This is the script. This is the writing we dance to. You know, it's like a river. The flow, the course of the river is exactly predetermined. The river doesn't know anything about it. The river is full of life, full of movement, full of energy, but its flow is predetermined by the boundaries, by the rocks and the earth at its sides, by the ground underneath it.

And if the landscape changes, for instance, through an earthquake, then the flow of the river changes.

And this is the script of the river, these natural forces, the gravity, the boundaries, the rocks at the side... That's the script, making the river flow in exactly the way the river is supposed to flow, to reach the ocean. And that's the same in our life. We are full of life energy, and you don't have to worry what to do with this energy. Life is dancing us. We just have to flow. We just have to do what the river does. The river does what's easiest. It's always flowing downwards, as much as it can. That's the only thing the river does.

It takes the easiest route, and this way, it follows nature's script. If the river would suddenly say: "Oh, I want to climb up this mountain on the right", it's not possible, and it's not where the river is supposed to flow. The same is true with us. When we are able to allow ourselves to be just pulled by the energy of life, to go where we are attracted to go, to not go where we don't want to go, then we flow in the riverbed, then we take the easy path, and then we do exactly what we're supposed to do. That's why it's so easy, in actuality. We just don't know it. Thank you for your question.

Let's see. I think there's time for some more questions. Yes. When I speak, I completely forget the time.

Involuntary falling asleep

So, the next question. "Yesterday evening, I attended your Satsang online for the first time. Thank you for your kind welcome. I had already listened to a Satsang recording before, so I thought I would sit down in my armchair, it was already evening, but, unfortunately, I missed a large part of it, because the sitting position was too comfortable, and I fell asleep.

Yesterday evening, I sat down at the table instead, but it was already evening, and, unfortunately, again, my sleep got to me, and I couldn't hear everything. So, in the future, I will probably have to listen to your live evening recordings later during the next day, unless there is a solution to my involuntarily falling asleep in the evening. Perhaps you can give me a hint as to how I could deal with this falling asleep against my will."

Thank you for this beautiful question. Yes, I have a hint, I have a suggestion for you. You know, actually, there's no problem. Falling asleep is not a problem, if you're not driving a car at that moment.

I have experienced it countless times during the Satsang of my spiritual master. I was with him in Satsang for over 20 years. People were falling asleep again and again. And it's natural, because this energy is so beautiful, so peaceful, and we start relaxing in a way we usually never do, and then, naturally, we fall asleep. It's natural. It's beautiful.

So, Soham never had a problem with people falling asleep. He knew what is going on. And with my Indian Guru, with Swamiji, it's the same. He has such a strong energy. He radiates such a peace. When you are in his vicinity, when he speaks, all of your problems disappear. You're just bathing in peace, and you relax, and naturally, you fall asleep. Also there, it happens again and again that people just fall asleep. There's nothing wrong with this.

The only problem is this falling asleep "against my will". This "against my will", that's the only problem. Just drop this. Allow yourself to fall asleep whenever you want to fall asleep. Whenever your body falls asleep, allow it. Where's the problem? You know, we live in these great times, where these live talks can be recorded. You can listen to it again and again anytime you want. So, there is really not a problem at all.

There is no need to make a problem out of it, really.

Thank you for your lovely email. Thank you.

When you don't understand your partner

And I have another email to read. "For a week now, I have been feeling this very strong intensity of loneliness, of sadness, and of darkness. Yes, probably, at some point, these feelings will take me to Heaven and back home, but right now, it's unbearable, and I die from it every day." I want to briefly interrupt the reading before I go on with the actual question. You know, that's what we usually do with feelings. We don't know it, we don't notice how it happens, but we dramatize.

And that's not helpful.

We don't feel loneliness, we feel amazingly intensive loneliness, and that's not the truth. You feel lonely, yes. Allow the loneliness to be there. Don't quantify it, don't describe it, don't think about it. Be quiet with it, and resist the temptation to dramatize. We have learned this, but it's not helpful. When we meet the feeling pure in quietness, then we notice: "Ah, the feeling itself is not even intense.

It's just a feeling." It's very interesting to find this out, but we have to leave all the thoughts aside. Often, we don't even know that we are thinking. We think we feel. But when whenever you feel this amazing intensity, this drama, whenever you feel unbearable things, that's a hint. Feelings are not unbearable. If a feeling would be unbearable, you would be dead.

It's something else that is unbearable, and that are hidden thoughts about it, thoughts you are not aware of. And as I said: this is normal. This is just how we learned it. This is just how we are. But you can find out how the feelings are without all this.

Meet the feeling with as much quietness as you can. As I said earlier, I don't even want to say "feel the feeling". Just let it be there. You don't have to know anything about the feeling. You don't even have to know how intense it is. Just let it be there as long as it wants.

Now I go on with the actual email.

"The man I love but who is not available, he's so contradictory in what he says. For example, I want to go for a walk with him, but he basically just comforts me with saying, we will take a walk when it gets warmer again. But then, in the next sentence, he mentions that he will go for a walk with his other lover.

Or he goes to the swimming pool with his wife, and he wonders why she doesn't understand that the marriage is no longer on sound footing and working. Or he says that he will make it clear to his boss that he will resign if his demands are not being met, but in the next sentence, he basically says the exact opposite. I'm totally confused by all this, and it's not easy for me to believe anything he says."

This is great. Thank you. You know, we are so used to listen to what other people say, and we think, this is telling us something about them, this is something we should believe. But look: you know your own thoughts, right? You meditate, and you know how your own thoughts are: totally crazy, totally contradictory all the time.

You know this about your own thoughts, and that, what we speak, is basically just thought expressed in words, expressed in sound.

Most of what people say is just thought. It's nothing authentic.

And when you know this, you can listen in a different way. My spiritual master Soham, he once told me... He said: "I don't listen to what people say. I look how they are. I look what they do." And that's good advice. Don't listen to what he says. Just don't listen to it. It doesn't mean anything. Just experience how he is. Observe what he's actually doing, and then you know. Then, you know him.

You will never understand another human being through what he's saying. And you are lucky. He speaks in contradictory words. Other people speak very straight and very believable, but with them, it's the same. It sounds better, and it's easy for you to believe it, but, nevertheless, it's not the truth. Observe how somebody behaves with you. Observe what somebody does, actually. Then, you know him.

But the really important thing for you here is something completely different. You see, you have your complete attention on this guy. You want to understand him. You want to know: "What of his words can I trust, what not?" You want him to take a walk with you. You want his attention. You think about how he is. Your whole attention is with this guy, but this is not where your attention belongs. Your attention belongs to you. Why don't you find out how you are? Why is your attention not with you?

Why don't you go for a walk with yourself, if you feel like it?

Your attention only belongs inside, but it's completely outside, and when your attention is outside, it will lead to trouble, always, it is like this. When you start bringing your attention back to yourself, all the problems dissolve, slowly, over time. I promise you. I know you do the Samarpan Meditation, and that's a tremendous help. This teaches you exactly that. It takes a while. You're very young with the meditation. Give yourself time, and you will learn it.

It's not a problem that you are the way you are. What you experience and what I tell you about where your attention is, that your attention is on the outside, this is totally normal. We have never ever learned anything else. I was the same. Until I came to my master 24 years ago, my entire attention was only out there, only with my partner.

I didn't even know what I want. I didn't even know how I feel. I always knew how my partner felt and what she wants. And I didn't even know that I didn't know. And then, slowly, slowly, I learned it, and then, everything changed, and all the relationship trouble disappeared, and all of the other problems in my life, too.

So, this is the real issue: where do you have your attention? When you catch yourself waiting for him to take a walk with you, you're already in trouble.

Just do it like this: if you feel like taking a walk, take a walk. If somebody else is available, take a walk with this person, if not, walk alone. But waiting for somebody who is not here, this is painful.

This is expecting too much. Take a walk for yourself, always, with everything in life.

I know, this sounds strange or revolutionary, because we are so used to have our attention out there with our lover, with the partner, with parents, with friends, and this only leads to problems. But you don't know anything else. I was the same. I know exactly how it is for you. I was a master in this. I was totally lost.

Once, my master told me: "Mikael, your problem is that you can't be alone." I didn't know what he was talking about, but then I found out: he's right. I just couldn't be alone. I didn't know myself. I didn't know how to feel myself. I was only outside. I was scared of being alone. I was scared of being with myself. And then I learned it, slowly.

And the more I learned this, the more I came to myself, the more I learned to feel myself, the more I could let go of the outside, and my attention slowly, slowly, slowly returned to myself. And now, I don't expect anything from anybody. That's a much easier way of living. And it's easy to learn this. It just takes a little bit of time. That's all. Thank you for writing. I'm with you.

Yoga, journaling and spiritual development

So, I think one more question should be possible. I just can't stop once I start. "I always have been in search of spiritual fulfillment, sometimes more, sometimes less. I have felt at home in yoga for 10 years now. My teacher is a mature soul from whom I was able to learn a lot about meditation, about pranayama, and about yoga asanas. She teaches us that asanas and pranayama are a preparation for meditation to calm the mind.

In every lesson, asanas and pranayama precede the meditation, and sometimes with chanting of mantras. I have also adopted this sequence for my daily practice. There's a lot of stillness in me and in my mind, and my mind has become much calmer in recent years. I'm taking ever so small steps with my longing to be able to immerse myself in Divine love and wisdom. My yoga teacher also attaches great importance to keeping a diary, to record daily reflections on the successes and difficulties of the past day.

She uses these notes to retrospectively recognize and dissolve unfavorable patterns of behavior and attachment and conditionings. I can't find any access to this diary keeping for myself. My yoga teacher, however, is convinced that this is the only way to overcome hindering personal characteristics. Before Christmas, a friend of mine introduced me to you and to Samarpan Meditation. I started practicing this meditation in the morning, as soon as I get up, without asanas and without pranayama in advance.

At first, I tried to continue with breathing exercises after the initial mantra "I'm a holy soul. I'm a pure soul", which we speak before the meditation. But then I found out that this doesn't work for me. The breath becomes very fine and the thoughts calm, just by concentrating on the crown chakra itself.

I feel good and full of energy these days, and I feel loving towards people around me. My question for you is this: what do I do with asanas and pranayama? Are they superfluous for my spiritual unfolding? Did I understand you correctly that Samarpan Meditation will make me more and more healthy over time, without me consciously working on dissolving my personal obstacles? And is it true that this specific diary writing is not essential for the spiritual path?"

Thank you for this lovely letter and for these lovely questions.

There are things like yoga asanas or like breathing exercises, like pranayama, which are very helpful for many people for some time.

But then comes a time where you are able for something else. When you start the Samarpan Meditation, when you became able to go to your crown chakra, then it's like you can go directly to where all this healing comes from. You can still do yoga asanas if you like. You can still do breathing exercises like pranayama if you like, but they have nothing to do with the meditation. You don't need them for meditating.

It's the other way around. The meditation helps with you with your breathing. The meditation helps you with your body. That's what you discover with the Samarpan Meditation, and that's why you have your questions. And you can trust this. Everybody has to trust his or her own compass. For your yoga teacher, for this lady, yoga asanas and breathing exercises are essential for her in order to be able to meditate. She doesn't know any other way. So, it's good for her to do it this way. For you, another path opened, a much easier path, a much more direct path.

For you, now, this is the path. You can be grateful for everything you learned. You can be grateful for all the years where you practiced this. They made you ready. They prepared you. But now, something else came to you. So, there's no problem. Yes, it is true. Just doing the Samarpan Meditation, just resting with your consciousness in your crown chakra, during meditation, but also during the day, is all which is needed for your spiritual development. Everything will come out of this.

This will balance all of your chakras. It will clean and balance and stabilize your energy body. It will heal your physical body. It will solve the problems in your life. It will take care of your psychological issues and programs and all the things which are hindrance. This is what I experience.

So, trust yourself. Trust what you feel. You know, I do it like this: when I feel energy for something, then I do it. As soon as I notice, I lost the energy for something, I stop doing it.

I also do yoga. I do yoga asanas since 40 years, but rarely, only when I feel like it. There are phases in my life where I do it more intensely. There are other phases where I don't do it so often. I do it depending on the energy I feel for it, on the lust I feel for it. It's helpful for my body. My body likes it, and I like it. It's fun. It feels good. But it's not necessary for meditation. You can live without yoga asanas. You can perfectly live without breathing exercises, but I don't know how you can live without meditation.

That's the only thing needed. That's why we came into this life: to discover this which heals everything.

That brings us to our soul. That helps us to discover why we actually came into this life. All the rest was only preparation.

Thank you for this question. I'm so glad you asked it.

What your yoga teacher teaches you is perfectly in line with how the yoga teachers in India do it. Swamiji, my Indian Guru, he actually speaks a lot to yoga teachers because they all have a misunderstanding. Yog, the word Yog means "the path to God", "the path to the essence", meditation.

And in ancient times, around this path of yog, developed certain practices which were helpful for this. Out of this developed physical exercises, like Yog asanas. That's when the word yog-a was developed. The a comes from asana. Yog is the path to God. And Yog asanas, abbreviated "yoga", was just one helpful thing for the people on that path. Another helpful thing were breathing exercises, a certain way of eating, whatsoever.

But the essence, what the whole thing is about, is Yog, the path to God, the path to your soul, meditation, that's the only thing. And in India, there are many yoga schools who forgot everything. They only teach the asanas. They think yoga is physical asanas. They forgot about meditation, but the only important thing is the meditation. Everything else is secondary. Do it when you feel like. Don't do it if you don't feel like it. It's not mandatory. For some people, it's helpful, but you definitely don't need it.

And Swamiji, my Indian Guru, he makes sessions and shibirs for yoga teachers, where he explains to them... where he reintroduces them to meditation, to that what the essence of the whole thing actually is. And you arrived at the essence. You discovered: "I don't need this. I can just meditate." And this is so beautiful. Thank you for your letter.

I could go on forever. It's such a delight for me to receive your answer your questions and to answer them. But I also learned that after one and a half hours, it's time for me to stop, and that's what I will do now, although I could just go on forever, it's such a joy for me.

Thank you for being here. Thank you so much.

I love you.