Too wrong for Heaven ?

Being wrong - feeling wrong - this is what connects all of humanity. About how I felt wrong most of my life, believed that I am wrong. Trying to become right. Realizing I am not actually wrong. Trying to get rid of the feeling of being wrong. About the wrong asumption that cool, successful people do not feel wrong. I learned to be happy, yet this feeling is still there. You are in good company. About Soham still being able to feel wrong. About Swamiji's autobiography and how he felt not good enough, not right. Even this giant of humanity knows ths feeling. About the story of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. It describes the state of humanity in the beginning. How I used to feel judged and made wrong by these old Bible stories. Slowly, through the Samarpan Meditation from Swamiji, discovering them in a totally new way. About not being a hard-core Christian or Jesus fanatic, coming from an atheist family. The feeling of being touched by these old Christian stories even for non-religious people. About the gift of religion, preserving the old insights which are misunderstood. Adam and Eve, symbolic for the first human being; how humans were from the very beginning. This is about you and me. Adam is in paradise and all is great. One day, God can't find Adam. God asking, why are you hiding. Adam saying: "I am naked", meaning: I hide because I am wrong, and I can't come before you like this. The moment of separation between humans and God. Gods answering proving that Adam is not in fact wrong, but humans started to believe they are wrong. The human condition from the very beginning. About believing that a childhood drama or my parents are the reason. But this is not the reason, this feeling is old. "The sins of the fathers are passed on to the sons": how we pass on our misunderstandings from the very beginning. It is helpful for me to understand where something truly comes from. About the wrong belief that Adam – humans – did something wrong. "Original sin" meaning: going the wrong way, out of ignorance, "repent" meaning: turning around, without judgement. Original sin is the moment where we started to believe: I am wrong. But how did this happen? Why is it like this? When Adam ate the fruit of knowledge of good and evil, he began to feel wrong, ashed, hiding, seperatimg himself from God. The source of all of our troubles. Why did this happen? About the ability to reflect on ourselves, to know ourselves, to know: I am. The tree was forbidden not because it was bad. Humans came to this Earth to recognize themselves. God knew, Adam is not quite ready for the fruit of the tree. About the ability to look at ourselves so God can discover itself. My childish way to understand that what is going on. God, consciousness not knowing anything about itself. A little bit of distance and seperation in order to be able to see itself, to discover itself: the beginning of humans as a partical of this consciousness, God. Becoming human, becoming aware, turning around and rediscovering itself. For this to work, we got this ability to see ourselves, but: with this ability, everything becomes possible, also misunderstanding.  When Adam (humans) ate the fruit, it means: Adam aquired this ability to see, but he was looking into the wrong direction. He did not look in the direction of his Godliness, but in the direction of the world, the body. Before, humans were one with God (God visiting every day). Then, they started judging: oh I am naked, meaning: I am wrong; I am not the God perfection but just a body. The Bible story tells you: you feel wrong but this is not because you are wrong, it is not your fault, it is not your parents fault, it is like this since the very beginning, it is part of being human. We got a tool to complete the task, but we haven't yet learned how to use the tool. When you use a hammer the wrong way, you hit your thumb and it hurts. That's what we are using with this amazing tool of consciousness: we are using it the wrong way because we haven't learned it yet. Two questions. How to deal with the ancient feeling of being wrong? About the first thing I learned from Soham: "if you are willing to feel wrong, then you are free". About how I learned to befriend this feeling and how my entire life changed amazingly. I began to see how much effort used to go into the attempt to convince myself and otehrs that I am not wrong. The end of hiding, and everything becomes easy. The feeling of being wrong did not end. The second question: how to deal with the tool we got from God, which we got so God, consciousness, has the opportunity to experience itself. Paramatma as a better word for God. Hell is the inability to deal with the tool of consciousness. The answer came with Swamiji and the amazing, simple Samarpan Meditation. This meditation is not what you think meditation is. Nothing is like this. The only true meditation. Very slowly, inside, you learn a new ability to shift your attention away from it usually always is, away from "me", towards something totally new, like a new secret passage opens. Swamiji's ability to handle the hammer, the tool is slowly transfered to you. Nothing esoteric, but a totally normal thing, just like an apprentice learns the essence of the craft from his master craftsman. When doing this meditation, your consciousness begins to look into the right direction, towards something totally new. Meditation every day in the morning. Discovering your true identity, not knowing anything about it. Swamiji says: you are a soul. The ability to perceive the soul grows, and you begin to realize who you truly are. Meditation is not about having great experiences. Good experiences come into your life, but slowly, indirectly. Usually when I meditate, first there are so many thoughts. When I was meditating and realizing very subtly: there is something I don't know, and then: wow this is me, and I don't know anything about this, I want to get to know this more, become more open for this, discover this more. When you discover your true identity, the human aspects become less important. The answer to the second question: discovering your true identity, the ability grows by itself, and the false asumption that I am this body and that I am wrong loses itzs importance. I still feel easily wrong, it is just part of being human.All of Swamijis gurus saying: as long as we are in these bodies, we are identified to some degree, and with it comes the feeling of being wrong. The meditation being the path to learn how to handle to tool. We begin to look into the right direction; God discovering itself. Feeling wrong is a good sign: it means, you are a human, you got thhe gift of self recognition, now you just need how to learn to turn around, how to use the hammer. Everything is fine.